Have each of us decided to stop going around in circles by avoiding each other?
I know i am.. or at least i'm trying to.
Seems like the only solution i can think of.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Go figure..
hmm i'm beginning to think my life is such a bore. everyday is more of the less the same old mundane routine. or maybe i am in need of something new and exciting in my life. am i getting old, that hardly anything excites me anymore?
winter is upon us. the weather last week was horrendous. it dropped down way below the freezing point of -24C. Clad in only my sport shoes, i find my toes constantly crying out in pain for heat. I need warm toes. I get into a shut down mode where i scowl if i don't get to feel my toes when i wiggle them. I know, i know. I should be wearing boots or some proper footwear. But i hate the boots that i have. They don't get a good grip on the icy road and i slip. Good thing, this week shows a more promising effect of the sun. Otherwise it's just more or less a facade of heat.
I know i'm crapping but i have nothing else better to do, since i decided to skip class today. It's a been a rough cycle of therapy. And i for one, not being able to motivate myself to study yesterday just decided to screw it and head on to class without being prepared. But i woke up this morning, realising i didn't wanna endure the doctor's constant bombarding without my shield of knowledge. I can only wear my thick skin for so long before it starts shedding off it's layers. Screw it. I shall deal with all of this tomorrow since it'll be the last day. Hoping i can get my credits without any trouble.
I think it's good in a way, that i took the day off. I realise only through blogging can i really settle my thoughts, and i haven't been doing much of that lately. 5th year has proven to be quite hectic. Even my mother has been missing me online. Her assumptions as always, is that i have someone new by my side, which isn't exactly all true. Though it Is weird having her ask me , "Do you have a new GF?"
"..........................."
I made my reply as simple as i could.. " I like someone, but she's kinda screwed up. And she has issues,". I'm not eager to explain the whole summer incident. She's only gonna get worried and start hating her. Between me and her.. I kinda feel we're like round marbles on the ground. Stagnant, just staying still. Awaiting for someone to just stomp the ground or for the wind to blow.. just.. something.. anything.. before we could move again.. to roll about.. not necessarily in a good way but, just for something to happen. Maybe it's just me but when i'm around her, i always feel like there's something between us. it's unspoken, unsaid.. but i feel it. An attraction? Or a longing..of something i want, but i'm not sure i can get. And if i did attempt on it, and i Did get it, do i really want it?
Are things that we are unsure of, better left untouched?
That i can't figure out on my own. Not sure i ever will.
Bummer..
winter is upon us. the weather last week was horrendous. it dropped down way below the freezing point of -24C. Clad in only my sport shoes, i find my toes constantly crying out in pain for heat. I need warm toes. I get into a shut down mode where i scowl if i don't get to feel my toes when i wiggle them. I know, i know. I should be wearing boots or some proper footwear. But i hate the boots that i have. They don't get a good grip on the icy road and i slip. Good thing, this week shows a more promising effect of the sun. Otherwise it's just more or less a facade of heat.
I know i'm crapping but i have nothing else better to do, since i decided to skip class today. It's a been a rough cycle of therapy. And i for one, not being able to motivate myself to study yesterday just decided to screw it and head on to class without being prepared. But i woke up this morning, realising i didn't wanna endure the doctor's constant bombarding without my shield of knowledge. I can only wear my thick skin for so long before it starts shedding off it's layers. Screw it. I shall deal with all of this tomorrow since it'll be the last day. Hoping i can get my credits without any trouble.
I think it's good in a way, that i took the day off. I realise only through blogging can i really settle my thoughts, and i haven't been doing much of that lately. 5th year has proven to be quite hectic. Even my mother has been missing me online. Her assumptions as always, is that i have someone new by my side, which isn't exactly all true. Though it Is weird having her ask me , "Do you have a new GF?"
"..........................."
I made my reply as simple as i could.. " I like someone, but she's kinda screwed up. And she has issues,". I'm not eager to explain the whole summer incident. She's only gonna get worried and start hating her. Between me and her.. I kinda feel we're like round marbles on the ground. Stagnant, just staying still. Awaiting for someone to just stomp the ground or for the wind to blow.. just.. something.. anything.. before we could move again.. to roll about.. not necessarily in a good way but, just for something to happen. Maybe it's just me but when i'm around her, i always feel like there's something between us. it's unspoken, unsaid.. but i feel it. An attraction? Or a longing..of something i want, but i'm not sure i can get. And if i did attempt on it, and i Did get it, do i really want it?
Are things that we are unsure of, better left untouched?
That i can't figure out on my own. Not sure i ever will.
Bummer..
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Inked.
Mr pessimist was right. When everything seems right for too long, some shit is bound to happen.
Anyway, Im scarred for life. Inked. No longer a tattoo virgin.
No regrets on what i've chosen. Simple. Just the way i like it. Been getting good comments on it too, so what the heck right. It's been somehow triggering everyone else to consider just getting one done too.
It is troublesome though, maintaining it. It requires the utmost delicacy and i've been resisting the urge to scrub or scratch it. It's been itchy a bit lately due to the healing of the skin. Having to put on ointment 4 times a day, and massaging during and after showering its just time consuming to me. Lol. I of course have cut down the ointment applying routine to half the required amount. It's still maintaining it's colour anyway, so i'm not too worried. As long as i dont have to go in for a touchup. My friend's on the other hand has started to fade and it's turned into a rather dark green colour. I somehow think her body absorbed the colour , for she has a dark skin tone anyway hahah. Anyway i'm satisfied with mine. I just pray the day doesn't come when I get bored of seeing it everytime i look in the mirror. Enjoying it for now.
Also have to get used to people not looking at my face everytime I have a conversation with them. Face, Up.. =.=
Anyway, Im scarred for life. Inked. No longer a tattoo virgin.
No regrets on what i've chosen. Simple. Just the way i like it. Been getting good comments on it too, so what the heck right. It's been somehow triggering everyone else to consider just getting one done too.
It is troublesome though, maintaining it. It requires the utmost delicacy and i've been resisting the urge to scrub or scratch it. It's been itchy a bit lately due to the healing of the skin. Having to put on ointment 4 times a day, and massaging during and after showering its just time consuming to me. Lol. I of course have cut down the ointment applying routine to half the required amount. It's still maintaining it's colour anyway, so i'm not too worried. As long as i dont have to go in for a touchup. My friend's on the other hand has started to fade and it's turned into a rather dark green colour. I somehow think her body absorbed the colour , for she has a dark skin tone anyway hahah. Anyway i'm satisfied with mine. I just pray the day doesn't come when I get bored of seeing it everytime i look in the mirror. Enjoying it for now.
Also have to get used to people not looking at my face everytime I have a conversation with them. Face, Up.. =.=
Friday, November 12, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Call me Mr Pessmist
Cause I believe when everything seems to be going smoothly for too long a period.. something bad is about to happen..
I dont sit around waiting for it, but i tend to worry..
Been in a chirpy mood lately, but i know it wont last long..
Enjoying the day as it comes..
Gawd i miss this feeling..
I dont sit around waiting for it, but i tend to worry..
Been in a chirpy mood lately, but i know it wont last long..
Enjoying the day as it comes..
Gawd i miss this feeling..
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Defeated by wine
Seems like a good time to update my blog. havent much else to do anyway. i gave up trying to study after staring at the pages filled with pictures of eyeballs. Had a stupid fire drill this morning. The effects of the recent mishap. Due to one girl's mistake, everyone else must suffer, sacrificing our Sunday's sleep-in for an evacuation of the building. I for one, from the very beginning did not intend to walk down flights of stairs only to be herded into another building like cattle. I made it a point to wake up half and hour earlier, so i could treat myself to breakfast at Mcdonalds. An option most of the other students took as well. Came back only when i heard that all is done and took a good 4 hour nap..
Niceeee...
Body's been aching the whole day. Spent 3 hours yesterday just running around. An hour for futsal and 2 for handball. Though i've been walking around with minimal hence robotic looking movements, i must say i have no regrets. Pain is pleasure..
-----------
Dear, blog.. i'm not sure if i should tell you this, for i am embarrassed still for what i've done last week. Never have i lost my cool so much, being frustated, lost and randomly confiding in a person whom i not really close to.
Yes, all this was done under the influence of alcohol.
Wine, to be precise..
Here is where i admit defeat. I lost to wine. I can control myself, consuming beer, and other means of cocktails and liquor. But wine.. it's just too relaxing a drink for me to be aware of when i've reached that certain level where my tongue is looser than the vaginas of porn stars.
In my defense, had i been in a clear state of mind.. I would have probably reacted the same way.
I was drinking with her and J. She always get a little too friendly with me when she's loosen up. Leaning against my shoulder and hugging me adding in little pecks on my cheeks.
She has made her intentions quite clear before that all she wanted was friendship (though she claims she still likes me) just to keep things simple because at the end of the day, neither of us wanted a relationship and she's fucked up in a certain way that she still needs to fool around with someone else she doesnt have feelings for.
When she does things like that though, it gives me hope. Yea, maybe that's why i'm still sticking around. Hoping, or knowing that one day, she would eventually stop. In the midst, of us drinking she said she had reached her limit. I offered to walk her back to her room. Her reply was, "Do me a favour. Don't."
I knew where she was headed. You don't just spent a whole night cuddling up close to someone then decide to run off into the arms of someone else. I got pissed. I lost my cool. I went out, punched a damn wall and banged my head on the balcony bars. Went into J's room with a face so fucked up, he had terror in his eyes. That i remember clearly. He asked me to sleep it off, not knowing what else to say. I went out to take a puff, as i heard the melodious sound of guitar strings being strummed. Knowing who it was, i went towards the sound of music. Blabbered for a bit, went down to get the remaining bottle of wine and headed back up again to continue where i left off.
Everything after that was a blur. I remembered being sent down to my room. And woke up to a note on my laptop, a cup of tea on my table and a damp cloth by my chair. Fuck.. what have i gotten myself into and what the crap did i let out.
Ripple effects of my actions lead to her and her fool around buddy. I'm not sure of the specifics, because she did not say, and i don't quite wanna know. I felt a pang of guilt though, knowing that i muddled in someone elses crap. But at the same time i really don't care. Just taking this as a lesson to never drink stupid again around others and when i'm vulnerable. She doesnt mention bout it anymore, but i still have to take crap from J who constantly reminds me of my defeat to wine.
And as for that girl i confided in, she was smart enough not to repeat what i had let out, to me.
Certain things are just best to push aside.
Niceeee...
Body's been aching the whole day. Spent 3 hours yesterday just running around. An hour for futsal and 2 for handball. Though i've been walking around with minimal hence robotic looking movements, i must say i have no regrets. Pain is pleasure..
-----------
Dear, blog.. i'm not sure if i should tell you this, for i am embarrassed still for what i've done last week. Never have i lost my cool so much, being frustated, lost and randomly confiding in a person whom i not really close to.
Yes, all this was done under the influence of alcohol.
Wine, to be precise..
Here is where i admit defeat. I lost to wine. I can control myself, consuming beer, and other means of cocktails and liquor. But wine.. it's just too relaxing a drink for me to be aware of when i've reached that certain level where my tongue is looser than the vaginas of porn stars.
In my defense, had i been in a clear state of mind.. I would have probably reacted the same way.
I was drinking with her and J. She always get a little too friendly with me when she's loosen up. Leaning against my shoulder and hugging me adding in little pecks on my cheeks.
She has made her intentions quite clear before that all she wanted was friendship (though she claims she still likes me) just to keep things simple because at the end of the day, neither of us wanted a relationship and she's fucked up in a certain way that she still needs to fool around with someone else she doesnt have feelings for.
When she does things like that though, it gives me hope. Yea, maybe that's why i'm still sticking around. Hoping, or knowing that one day, she would eventually stop. In the midst, of us drinking she said she had reached her limit. I offered to walk her back to her room. Her reply was, "Do me a favour. Don't."
I knew where she was headed. You don't just spent a whole night cuddling up close to someone then decide to run off into the arms of someone else. I got pissed. I lost my cool. I went out, punched a damn wall and banged my head on the balcony bars. Went into J's room with a face so fucked up, he had terror in his eyes. That i remember clearly. He asked me to sleep it off, not knowing what else to say. I went out to take a puff, as i heard the melodious sound of guitar strings being strummed. Knowing who it was, i went towards the sound of music. Blabbered for a bit, went down to get the remaining bottle of wine and headed back up again to continue where i left off.
Everything after that was a blur. I remembered being sent down to my room. And woke up to a note on my laptop, a cup of tea on my table and a damp cloth by my chair. Fuck.. what have i gotten myself into and what the crap did i let out.
Ripple effects of my actions lead to her and her fool around buddy. I'm not sure of the specifics, because she did not say, and i don't quite wanna know. I felt a pang of guilt though, knowing that i muddled in someone elses crap. But at the same time i really don't care. Just taking this as a lesson to never drink stupid again around others and when i'm vulnerable. She doesnt mention bout it anymore, but i still have to take crap from J who constantly reminds me of my defeat to wine.
And as for that girl i confided in, she was smart enough not to repeat what i had let out, to me.
Certain things are just best to push aside.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
here we go again
feeling lost and angry.
i haven't felt like this in ages. i was perfectly fine and stable.
and now im sitting in the dark, with my sick roomate beside me and i feel like i cant vent.
blasting songs into my ears helps though.
i can't go back into that spiraled down deep shit hole. i won't let myself go there.
never ...
i haven't felt like this in ages. i was perfectly fine and stable.
and now im sitting in the dark, with my sick roomate beside me and i feel like i cant vent.
blasting songs into my ears helps though.
i can't go back into that spiraled down deep shit hole. i won't let myself go there.
never ...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
another year..
i haven't blogged in a really long time. getting lazy to keep tht ball rolling and keep on posting stuff. maybe i rather not think bout things that's why. writing everything down, just requires me to recall events all over again.
spent the whole summer keeping myself busy whenever i can. certains nights do leave me sleepless haunted with thought iv tried to push aside. the thing is, we try to keep ourselves distracted by occupying every second of the day with some silly activity. But night comes, when i turn in and try to sleep, try falling asleep to shows, it still pops into my dreams. nightmares.
upon coming back here, it hasnt made it much easier. unwanted reminders (people) appear from everywhere. even as im typing this now, my eyes are squinting tryin to push it all away.
talking things out with her, honestly helps.. i just have the need to try to understand everything. and figuring her out has proven to be difficult. the question to answer after all this.. is.. What now? yet to be talked over... trust is still an issue for me.
dont feel like going into details bout that for now.
On a different note, our hostel has had a fire incident. Nothing compared to previous years. Mainly because this one really got out of hand due to the carelessness of certain juniors, and ended up putting the whole block at risk. 7 people injured, most with second degree burns.
Thank god i have only two more years to go to say farewell to this dumbfuck place.
Spent my Friday night drinking with J. Suddenly hit me that this would be his last year here. Conversation turned a bit emo midway when we were both already slightly tipsy. It's nice to hear when someone says their good memories of this crappy place would always be one that im in. The fun that we had together. No idea how i'm gonna get through next year without him. I'm so used to running to his damn room whenever i'm stressed.
Ahhhhhhhh.. 2 more yearsssss... Feels like i've been studying forever..
Everything feels stagnant somehow..
spent the whole summer keeping myself busy whenever i can. certains nights do leave me sleepless haunted with thought iv tried to push aside. the thing is, we try to keep ourselves distracted by occupying every second of the day with some silly activity. But night comes, when i turn in and try to sleep, try falling asleep to shows, it still pops into my dreams. nightmares.
upon coming back here, it hasnt made it much easier. unwanted reminders (people) appear from everywhere. even as im typing this now, my eyes are squinting tryin to push it all away.
talking things out with her, honestly helps.. i just have the need to try to understand everything. and figuring her out has proven to be difficult. the question to answer after all this.. is.. What now? yet to be talked over... trust is still an issue for me.
dont feel like going into details bout that for now.
On a different note, our hostel has had a fire incident. Nothing compared to previous years. Mainly because this one really got out of hand due to the carelessness of certain juniors, and ended up putting the whole block at risk. 7 people injured, most with second degree burns.
Thank god i have only two more years to go to say farewell to this dumbfuck place.
Spent my Friday night drinking with J. Suddenly hit me that this would be his last year here. Conversation turned a bit emo midway when we were both already slightly tipsy. It's nice to hear when someone says their good memories of this crappy place would always be one that im in. The fun that we had together. No idea how i'm gonna get through next year without him. I'm so used to running to his damn room whenever i'm stressed.
Ahhhhhhhh.. 2 more yearsssss... Feels like i've been studying forever..
Everything feels stagnant somehow..
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
when you say you still LIKE me
i could still joke with her.. of course there are times when i just become mean and shoot her right down.. but the end of the day, i'd always still look into her eyes, and smile..
the night before she left i stood by her as she got up to leave my room, i teased her about something and laughed. she dropped her things and hugged me. tears on my shoulder as she muttered under her breath, "i regret what i did". With her arms around me, i melted. She held me a little tighter and i just felt both stupid and confused.
"I really do still like you... "
i don't know which is worse ..
the fact that you may very well be lying to my face
(what more after what you did..)
or the fact that it is indeed true..
(but u're still not sure bout what to do cos u need to settle things with ur ex first)
the stupid half of me believes her
the other half is still putting a guard up..
i need to get back to malaysia to clear my head..
3 more days baby..
back to the place i call
Home..
the night before she left i stood by her as she got up to leave my room, i teased her about something and laughed. she dropped her things and hugged me. tears on my shoulder as she muttered under her breath, "i regret what i did". With her arms around me, i melted. She held me a little tighter and i just felt both stupid and confused.
"I really do still like you... "
i don't know which is worse ..
the fact that you may very well be lying to my face
(what more after what you did..)
or the fact that it is indeed true..
(but u're still not sure bout what to do cos u need to settle things with ur ex first)
the stupid half of me believes her
the other half is still putting a guard up..
i need to get back to malaysia to clear my head..
3 more days baby..
back to the place i call
Home..
Saturday, July 24, 2010
a new day
spent the whole of yesterday just laying in bed sleeping it off. she came around and i was surprisingly nice. why? no fucken idea. maybe cos i still like her. everything bout her was different. but i woke up today.. feeling indifferent. maybe it's the whole out of sight, out of mind thing. if i dont see you, i dont feel shit for you. i'll just push whatever memories out the door.
ystdy was a day of dwelling, mourning, brooding..
today is my day of anger.. i woke up feeling hatred. for everyone. everyone that was involved.. i don't see why i should put up with this shit. i dont deserve being treated like crap. she and her bunch of fuck buddy friends are a bunch of emotionally retarded fucknuts. i promised to never have anything to do with them ever again. it's not worth anything to me. i was happy the way i was before ever knowing ever of them. and that's the way it shall remain..
i'm all up for drinks tonight. slowing getting back to how i was.
fuck em' all.
fuck em' all to hell..
ystdy was a day of dwelling, mourning, brooding..
today is my day of anger.. i woke up feeling hatred. for everyone. everyone that was involved.. i don't see why i should put up with this shit. i dont deserve being treated like crap. she and her bunch of fuck buddy friends are a bunch of emotionally retarded fucknuts. i promised to never have anything to do with them ever again. it's not worth anything to me. i was happy the way i was before ever knowing ever of them. and that's the way it shall remain..
i'm all up for drinks tonight. slowing getting back to how i was.
fuck em' all.
fuck em' all to hell..
Friday, July 23, 2010
Slut
awesome.
the girl that i was with for the past few months have been fucking two other guys while she was with me..
none of which knew bout each other.
is there no one else left in this world to trust..
i have no faith left in humanity..
anyone out there who feels me and wanna offer their condolences.. pls feel free to do so..
so FML la...
the girl that i was with for the past few months have been fucking two other guys while she was with me..
none of which knew bout each other.
is there no one else left in this world to trust..
i have no faith left in humanity..
anyone out there who feels me and wanna offer their condolences.. pls feel free to do so..
so FML la...
Saturday, July 17, 2010
impervious... stone cold heart?
do realise at this point of time, that i'm just layaning whatever that comes by.
i didnt bfore, and i was most of the time deeply affected..
the mood that i am in now reminds me that i should and i perhaps am (for now) impervious to your comings and goings as you please.
no im not upset, nor do i feel the need to want more.. or ask any from you.
there's no point in that .. imho
emotionless, i might say..
and indifferent to whatever it is we have..
maybe i've come to a point where i feel i give only what i get..
i'm not expecting anything.. maybe i am cold .. doubtful , skeptical , u name it.. i am the pessimist that you see..
whatever laaa.. i doubt u feel any different anyway..
-----
if the question on your mind, is if i am any happier than i am before?
the answer would be no.. i was already happy the way i was.. i found myself by being alone. yea sure there are times when i was lonely and i get depressed. the question is, how is it any different now from before if i still don't have someone by me.
i've gotten accustom to not goin to people when i'm upset , on rare occasions it would be to J. he gets me. so i wouldnt ask of anyone .. i would ask it of u to accompany me during those times. maybe it's not reached that level. who knows.. no point questioning for now anyway.
i didnt bfore, and i was most of the time deeply affected..
the mood that i am in now reminds me that i should and i perhaps am (for now) impervious to your comings and goings as you please.
no im not upset, nor do i feel the need to want more.. or ask any from you.
there's no point in that .. imho
emotionless, i might say..
and indifferent to whatever it is we have..
maybe i've come to a point where i feel i give only what i get..
i'm not expecting anything.. maybe i am cold .. doubtful , skeptical , u name it.. i am the pessimist that you see..
whatever laaa.. i doubt u feel any different anyway..
-----
if the question on your mind, is if i am any happier than i am before?
the answer would be no.. i was already happy the way i was.. i found myself by being alone. yea sure there are times when i was lonely and i get depressed. the question is, how is it any different now from before if i still don't have someone by me.
i've gotten accustom to not goin to people when i'm upset , on rare occasions it would be to J. he gets me. so i wouldnt ask of anyone .. i would ask it of u to accompany me during those times. maybe it's not reached that level. who knows.. no point questioning for now anyway.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
flood of unwanted memories...
Sitting in my room, waiting for the aunty (senior's parents's who is temporarily living next door awaiting their graduation) to get out of the damn bathroom so i can take a shower for umpteenth time today. Moscow is at a temperature i never knew existed. I'm so used to the blistering cold that this just caught me off guard. It's friggin 32 C. I stand at the window awaiting the cool wind to blow at my face and streak thru my hair.
I'm still waiting..
A hot gust of wind rushes thru..
And i'm need of a shower again... Correction, not shower.. A bath.. Actually u can't call it a bath. What do u call it when you need to collect water from a damn tap into a bucket to wash urself, because my shower head is broken due to lack of hot water supply for the past month.. when it was still freezing cold..
And now! now that the hot water has been restored, moscow decides to up the temperature and kill us all.. what the bladdy hell do we need hot water for.. gawddd
Anyway, here i am waiting to mandi kampung.. and waiting for my mum to get off the phone with Ee..
Spent the day cleaning up my room, doing the laundry, cooking, eating, installing bots on my CS, cutting a friend's hair (big concert day for her), and drinking with Bengali Boy..
Went down to get a bottle of beer, when lo and behold, a bunch of parents arrived with their luggages and what nots, waiting for the Only lift that's working at the moment.. Brilliant!
I stood there, trying to hide my beer, for fear of a dreadful first impression on me, and perhaps their children studying here. Decided to take the damn lift instead, running off with the excuse that i am kind hearted and respectful of elders. huhhuhuhu.
I've been my other phone, SMS-ing her while she's out. Got bored waiting for the bathroom and for mum so i decided to read thru the older messages on the phone. LMAO reading the messages that i've saved from the ex. Maybe it's cos i'm slightly tipsy, or maybe cos i found it hilarious at the way we used to SMS.
I'll never leave u.. Don't leave me.
Always and forever..
We'll make it ...
then it's..
we're just going thru a phase.. don't worry
i felt everything kinda went down hill from there..
My phone's recent saved messages were suddenly all about my grandma's passing.. =/
Weird how this brings back memories of what i tried to forget.. Can't decide if this is a good thing. I've moved on, but am i scarred? Maybe i rather not think bout it and push it all behind.
The aunties are finally done with the bathroom.. need a drag bfore i take a shower after all this nonsensical memories filling up head up with crap.
LIVE FREEEEEEEE~~~
ps: attachments are for shit at the moment.. waste of bladdy time..
I'm still waiting..
A hot gust of wind rushes thru..
And i'm need of a shower again... Correction, not shower.. A bath.. Actually u can't call it a bath. What do u call it when you need to collect water from a damn tap into a bucket to wash urself, because my shower head is broken due to lack of hot water supply for the past month.. when it was still freezing cold..
And now! now that the hot water has been restored, moscow decides to up the temperature and kill us all.. what the bladdy hell do we need hot water for.. gawddd
Anyway, here i am waiting to mandi kampung.. and waiting for my mum to get off the phone with Ee..
Spent the day cleaning up my room, doing the laundry, cooking, eating, installing bots on my CS, cutting a friend's hair (big concert day for her), and drinking with Bengali Boy..
Went down to get a bottle of beer, when lo and behold, a bunch of parents arrived with their luggages and what nots, waiting for the Only lift that's working at the moment.. Brilliant!
I stood there, trying to hide my beer, for fear of a dreadful first impression on me, and perhaps their children studying here. Decided to take the damn lift instead, running off with the excuse that i am kind hearted and respectful of elders. huhhuhuhu.
I've been my other phone, SMS-ing her while she's out. Got bored waiting for the bathroom and for mum so i decided to read thru the older messages on the phone. LMAO reading the messages that i've saved from the ex. Maybe it's cos i'm slightly tipsy, or maybe cos i found it hilarious at the way we used to SMS.
I'll never leave u.. Don't leave me.
Always and forever..
We'll make it ...
then it's..
we're just going thru a phase.. don't worry
i felt everything kinda went down hill from there..
My phone's recent saved messages were suddenly all about my grandma's passing.. =/
Weird how this brings back memories of what i tried to forget.. Can't decide if this is a good thing. I've moved on, but am i scarred? Maybe i rather not think bout it and push it all behind.
The aunties are finally done with the bathroom.. need a drag bfore i take a shower after all this nonsensical memories filling up head up with crap.
LIVE FREEEEEEEE~~~
ps: attachments are for shit at the moment.. waste of bladdy time..
Thursday, June 17, 2010
where are u.. where am i?
suddenly feeling vulnerable today.. or since ystdy.. she wanted to study and sleep else where. am feeling something i can't quite comprehend and i cant put my finger on it. do i really not know her after all and as unlabeled item i can't quite say where we are.. but im not the type to chase after someone who doesnt want to be chased. i wont pursue where i feel im not wanted and right now maybe im unsure of where she is on her feelings towards me. im just putting thoughts to words right now.. still having no expectations, so i dont get disappointed or hurt.
sometimes i feel it's a giant leap forward,
then it's two steps back....
maybe i can figure this out after exams..
down to my last.. Neuro.. in the mood to study.. but not quite sure of what to do ..
faith... hv faith...
sometimes i feel it's a giant leap forward,
then it's two steps back....
maybe i can figure this out after exams..
down to my last.. Neuro.. in the mood to study.. but not quite sure of what to do ..
faith... hv faith...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Dreading changes..
there will come a day,
when i will one day say,
i'd push all my fears and doubts aside,
because i really wanna try,
to make this work with you..
but hasn't this been said before..
-----------------------
down to my final exam... i am actually really sitting and down and studying for this one as opposed to the other two. my attachments start right after my exam. what a bummer. i'm still gonna try to party it out somehow even if it means having to skip a few days of practicals. On a smaller note, or maybe not so minuscule after all, my roomate gave me a hair cut yesterday and while doing so announced her desire to return to the room next semester because her bf might be moving to another room.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
With whom/where does he plan to shift to?
Well, where else but with my good buddy, J.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Double screams from J and me.
The horror >.<
Where are we to run to now when we need to get away from our own abode.
I hate changes!
when i will one day say,
i'd push all my fears and doubts aside,
because i really wanna try,
to make this work with you..
but hasn't this been said before..
-----------------------
down to my final exam... i am actually really sitting and down and studying for this one as opposed to the other two. my attachments start right after my exam. what a bummer. i'm still gonna try to party it out somehow even if it means having to skip a few days of practicals. On a smaller note, or maybe not so minuscule after all, my roomate gave me a hair cut yesterday and while doing so announced her desire to return to the room next semester because her bf might be moving to another room.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
With whom/where does he plan to shift to?
Well, where else but with my good buddy, J.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Double screams from J and me.
The horror >.<
Where are we to run to now when we need to get away from our own abode.
I hate changes!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Of exams and love bites
exams are just around the corner. havent burst out into my full study mode yet. not feeling stressed, nor pressured thus i have no motivation which kinda blows. plus C and Her have been coming over every night to "study". We basically just end up talking or playing which kinda distracts me from studying and im slightly stressed bout that. Oh why don't they give us more free days to study for exams.
On a different note. I went to class yesterday wearing a turtle neck because of an unconcealable hickey i got from Her. It was too high up to cover it with a plain collar tshirt, and seeing as how my brain doesnt really work in the mornings, i just decided to stick with the turtle neck instead of opting for something else or some remedy. The day went on fine, thinking i had done so brilliantly well on hiding this post neck sucking effect till i got home and got a message from H saying, 'hey i think i found a code name for ur girl. We'll just call her HC for hickey chick.. *hint hint* '
Aww crap. H stays with a A, a groupmate of mine. None of my groupmates here btw are aware of this side of me, cept for my roomate of course. So when H told me that A knew bout it, means the other 2 girls in my group knew bout it. H called me up to her room to share her new found info.
'LIKE HELL im gonna go to ur room now, since A would be there. Im too embarrassed'
'La, she's gone off somewhere. Don't be such a girl and come up la'
I was slightly hesitant knowing that A might return to the room at any moment, but i needed to know the extent of their conversation. I barely got to questioning her bout what A had said, when she started bombarding me with questions instead.
"Oo, so did u grope her? What are u guys now? Are u like in lurveeeeee with her? Why have a hickey unless you're ready to show it to everyone? OOo are u ready for that yet?"
With that and her being distracted by IMs in between, she took up all the alone time we had because suddenly i heard keys jiggling outside her door and crap i knew that was the return of A. @@ I shot up standing, ready to leave while H whines on about not finishing her story, flashing me a smug look at the same time. She has a damn talent for that. I turned around to see A giving me a knowing look/smile, i panicked, bid farewell and bolted out the door.
Upon returning to my room i saw an IM from A asking if i was there. LOL what could she possibly want to say i wonder. My mind is just laughing it's head off.
'Okay, that was weird. So to rid of any weirdness in the future. I just want you to know, that i know and i'm okay with it. So chill la. And im happy for you =) '
Waaaaaaaaa.. I'm having multiple, so many different emotions from that one IM of hers. Freaking out that she knows, Ecstatic that she's okay with it, and bladdy damn Shy for her being happy for me.
"Omggg. Don't la, i damn malu d"
"Haha, i bet you're blushing over there"
"Hm actually yea, anyway how did you guys find out and what did the other two say? Are they freaking out?"
"N saw, and she told both of us. They weren't freaking out, but they were more curious than anything else, trying to figure out who it is. They came up with prediction that 90% confirmation that the hickey was from a girl and 10% from a guy"
Wow.. 90% hurh. And i kinda thought that they were in denial bout the whole thing. I knew they had conversations bout me before. But i always thought they constantly brushed off the idea that i was gay. Anyway i'm happy enough, that A didn't say anything to them. She said it wasn't her place to do so and i've officially put her on the top of my list of people to love <3 ^^
Im starting to not care what people might say/talk around here anymore. I don't know why. What was i worried about before? That i might get shunned? Perhaps. But i suddenly have faith that the people i care about and trust, would never do that to me. I mean, the people whom i've opened up to are still around and perhaps that's more that i'll ever need here. We shall see how this goes. It's a small Malaysian community here, in this hostel. I just don't like being put on a spotlight like that and be the topic of people's conversations. Praying that everything would go about smoothly.
On a different note. I went to class yesterday wearing a turtle neck because of an unconcealable hickey i got from Her. It was too high up to cover it with a plain collar tshirt, and seeing as how my brain doesnt really work in the mornings, i just decided to stick with the turtle neck instead of opting for something else or some remedy. The day went on fine, thinking i had done so brilliantly well on hiding this post neck sucking effect till i got home and got a message from H saying, 'hey i think i found a code name for ur girl. We'll just call her HC for hickey chick.. *hint hint* '
Aww crap. H stays with a A, a groupmate of mine. None of my groupmates here btw are aware of this side of me, cept for my roomate of course. So when H told me that A knew bout it, means the other 2 girls in my group knew bout it. H called me up to her room to share her new found info.
'LIKE HELL im gonna go to ur room now, since A would be there. Im too embarrassed'
'La, she's gone off somewhere. Don't be such a girl and come up la'
I was slightly hesitant knowing that A might return to the room at any moment, but i needed to know the extent of their conversation. I barely got to questioning her bout what A had said, when she started bombarding me with questions instead.
"Oo, so did u grope her? What are u guys now? Are u like in lurveeeeee with her? Why have a hickey unless you're ready to show it to everyone? OOo are u ready for that yet?"
With that and her being distracted by IMs in between, she took up all the alone time we had because suddenly i heard keys jiggling outside her door and crap i knew that was the return of A. @@ I shot up standing, ready to leave while H whines on about not finishing her story, flashing me a smug look at the same time. She has a damn talent for that. I turned around to see A giving me a knowing look/smile, i panicked, bid farewell and bolted out the door.
Upon returning to my room i saw an IM from A asking if i was there. LOL what could she possibly want to say i wonder. My mind is just laughing it's head off.
'Okay, that was weird. So to rid of any weirdness in the future. I just want you to know, that i know and i'm okay with it. So chill la. And im happy for you =) '
Waaaaaaaaa.. I'm having multiple, so many different emotions from that one IM of hers. Freaking out that she knows, Ecstatic that she's okay with it, and bladdy damn Shy for her being happy for me.
"Omggg. Don't la, i damn malu d"
"Haha, i bet you're blushing over there"
"Hm actually yea, anyway how did you guys find out and what did the other two say? Are they freaking out?"
"N saw, and she told both of us. They weren't freaking out, but they were more curious than anything else, trying to figure out who it is. They came up with prediction that 90% confirmation that the hickey was from a girl and 10% from a guy"
Wow.. 90% hurh. And i kinda thought that they were in denial bout the whole thing. I knew they had conversations bout me before. But i always thought they constantly brushed off the idea that i was gay. Anyway i'm happy enough, that A didn't say anything to them. She said it wasn't her place to do so and i've officially put her on the top of my list of people to love <3 ^^
Im starting to not care what people might say/talk around here anymore. I don't know why. What was i worried about before? That i might get shunned? Perhaps. But i suddenly have faith that the people i care about and trust, would never do that to me. I mean, the people whom i've opened up to are still around and perhaps that's more that i'll ever need here. We shall see how this goes. It's a small Malaysian community here, in this hostel. I just don't like being put on a spotlight like that and be the topic of people's conversations. Praying that everything would go about smoothly.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
dun think, just feel..
humans are complicated. how do we really know what another person really wants in life, if we can't figure out ourselves yet. or at least i'm in that situation. how far am i suppose to take this with her. She's been coming over almost everyday now. Honestly i dont know where this is going and im not anxious to find out. I'm just enjoying it and going with the flow. she's been around and i can't help but wonder if im another one of her conquests or flavour of the month. i get bored easily too but i dont jump around. then again maybe it's not fair of me to say that of her. we shall see.. my fren calls me a coward, and maybe i am afraid bout goin into whatever this is. but i getting so comfortable , that i hate sleeping without her by my side..
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
To the Man, the legend.. my idol.
It's been awhile since i've blogged. As time drew nearer to date of the annual dinner (the day i was suppose to perform) I've been stressing out and counting down the days, praying for it to be over, praying for that moment to come where i could just do what i wanted to do and get the hell out. It was driving me partially insane. Before sleeping off each night, i would try to picture in my head, how our performance would be like as seen by the audience.. it wasn't easy because we didn't have a mirror to practice with and we could only record our practices from an angle, because, well we practiced in corridors. I was more than worried, that everything would turn out some what mediocre or cliched. Mum supported me in everyway she could. 'You can't go wrong with the theme you're doing. Plus i have every confidence in you'. Tsk ma, how would i know if u're lying.
Surprisingly though, when the day did arrive and as we went through rehearsals, i felt a bout of confidence, and that wave of excitement that assured myself, everything might just turn out fine. Of course, my team members were already cocky i think, when the critics during the auditions told us this might be one of the highlights of the event. Still, i wanted it to be perfect. This was something i had dreamed of my entire life. I wasn't doing this for anyone else. I didn't need to prove anything. This was just for me and him (him being MJ). I wanted to give something back for the all the years of entertainment he's given me and the world. Ahhh im starting to sound corny. But i do thank him, because during the dance, i felt no nervousness (im lying i did feel it, but only slightly). Maybe it's because we've been practicing so hard, or as how i'd like to believe, he was there with us. There was just a surge of electricity in me as i moved how he moved (or tried to) and his music pumped into my veins.. Ahh sheer delight.. It was the most satisfying thing i have ever felt in my life. The crowd cheered at every change of the song, and more and more i felt uplifted. Impromptu changes made even came out perfect. Right after we were done, the adrenaline rush was still taking me higher. My worries were over, i didnt trip and fall :P cause the floor wasn't as smooth as i expected it to be. All and all, it was a really good night. Right after returning home, we each got a drink, uploaded the video and watched ourselves sharing Mj's magic with everyone in the hall. I felt like i did him right, by me. Thank u for inspiring me and so many others. (" ,) You made a difference in my life.
Surprisingly though, when the day did arrive and as we went through rehearsals, i felt a bout of confidence, and that wave of excitement that assured myself, everything might just turn out fine. Of course, my team members were already cocky i think, when the critics during the auditions told us this might be one of the highlights of the event. Still, i wanted it to be perfect. This was something i had dreamed of my entire life. I wasn't doing this for anyone else. I didn't need to prove anything. This was just for me and him (him being MJ). I wanted to give something back for the all the years of entertainment he's given me and the world. Ahhh im starting to sound corny. But i do thank him, because during the dance, i felt no nervousness (im lying i did feel it, but only slightly). Maybe it's because we've been practicing so hard, or as how i'd like to believe, he was there with us. There was just a surge of electricity in me as i moved how he moved (or tried to) and his music pumped into my veins.. Ahh sheer delight.. It was the most satisfying thing i have ever felt in my life. The crowd cheered at every change of the song, and more and more i felt uplifted. Impromptu changes made even came out perfect. Right after we were done, the adrenaline rush was still taking me higher. My worries were over, i didnt trip and fall :P cause the floor wasn't as smooth as i expected it to be. All and all, it was a really good night. Right after returning home, we each got a drink, uploaded the video and watched ourselves sharing Mj's magic with everyone in the hall. I felt like i did him right, by me. Thank u for inspiring me and so many others. (" ,) You made a difference in my life.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Perfection..
promised myself i'd make a memo of it.
bcos yea, how often do u do you get moments like this in life.
my dance, the one i've been working on for months, with the arrangement and editing of the songs, and choreographing, and teaching and putting it all together to put my dreams and what i can only imagine in my head at that time to reality.
and the outcome... whoaaaaaaaaa.. perfection. it was nothing like how i expected it to be.
the reaction i got from the crowd during the performance, and the post performance comments that i got just filled my heart right up to the brim it was bursting at the seems.
~it was awesome
~simply superb
~best performance of the night
~totally amazing, didnt know you could dance like that
~i was bored till you guys started performing..
The one that was equivalent of 10 praises, "were you trying to break hearts out there or make people fall for you. you were damn yeng'. Then she asked, who did the choreography.. i smiled.. She was in awe. Hahahaha. moment to be obnoxious please.. but only for that moment.
The one that was equivalent of 100 praises. This girl that i recently had a crush on, came up to me, grabbed me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes, "I just couldn't take my eyes off u".
I was so stunned, i just smiled. Heart! Bursting! Ahhh! HAPPPPY!!
Later on, i went over to A,one of her friends to say hi, and she grinned at me.. I know someone who has a crush on u... ^^ my heart skips around a land filled with rainbows and flowers and only nice things.. haha. I basked in the glory of praises, but this topped everything else. To quote A, right after the dance, she came running to A, and said she had a crush on me. And A screamed out Nooooooo. 'What's with the no, i asked'. 'I said No, cos You're mine' @@ ................ -_-'''
Girls...
I came back home, to an offline message that said again, She likes u, but you're mine.
I slept like a baby after that..
PS: i got free cigarettes today. WAT A PERFECT DAY
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Flawless Facade Part 5 (Something fishy)
I heard a shout. It wasn't very loud but it was a sound of distress. I went out and walked up to his door and tried to listen in. Everything was silent. "I trust him," i thought to myself. It's not like he's going to rape her or anything. He's a friend. Plus he didn't look that drunk. He should be conscious of what he's doing. As i continued staring at my laptop, i started getting diplopia. I need to rest. I closed the main door and left my room one ajar so if she came back and she needed me, she could just come in. I drifted off. I heard her pushed my door, and closed it back.
I woke up in the morning, all geared up and ready to parade! Not really. I was half awake as i got up brushed my teeth and got changed. But right when i was about to open my main door, it was as though my sleep bubble burst, and i knew something had happened. There was a key on the door. She locked the door. My block door is never locked. It had became faulty sometime ago, and hers was the only key that worked on it. And there it was, just hanging at the lock. She's still asleep, i'll just have to find out when i get back.
I came home around 6.15pm. 15 more minutes before my dance practice. I had to hurry. I walked into my room and started gathering what i needed for practice. She poked out from her room.
"Hey! I wanted to ask you. What happened last night. I saw the key on the lock. Did he do something?"
She started tearing.. crying..
"He slapped me. Twice. He accused me of lying to him and seeing another guy yesterday,"
I was stunned. The words just couldn't come out of my mouth. Even if it could. I didn't know what to say. It just didn't make any sense to me. I gave her a hug. Still bewildered, confused.
"Why didn't you shout for me. Or try to run away,"
"I did but he kept shutting me up and pulling me back. I couldn't get away,".
I wanted to stay to comfort her. But i was running late.
"I'll kill him when i come back. I'll go talk to him".
When my practice was over, i went back to my room. The door was locked. Poor girl must be traumatized. I knocked till she opened.
"Are you going to talk to him now?"
"Yea, i'm going over right now,"
"It's okay, you dont need to. I'm fine,"
"Nah, i need my guitar back anyway. I'll just talk to him,"
I walked across to his door and banged on it. I didn't realise how angry i was. It took him awhile to open the door, and when he saw me he had on a blur look on his face.
"Hey, did we exchange guitars yesterday?" he said with a puzzled look on his face.
Confused. Is he trying to pull a fast one on me by acting blur?
"No. You borrowed mine. Don't you remember?"
"No, I don't remember anything from yesterday. Then where's mine? Why? What's wrong?"
Ohhh he's good.
"You seriously don't remember anything from last night?"
"I remembered seeing you, then i went to bed. When i woke up i saw two empty bottles of vodka and i knew we drank."
"We? I didn't drink with you. You drank all that yourself. By the way, did you remember seeing BNN?"
He thought to himself for awhile. "No. I don't remember seeing her. Why?"
By this time i was shaking in anger. I was furious. Words just came flying out of my mouth and i couldn't stop myself. I can't recall what i said exactly but it was more or less
-Do you know you slapped her?
-How could you do such a thing a girl.. to a friend?
-Do you know you've traumatized that poor girl to death. She's in there crying
-I've lost all respect for you...
-I don't think i can face you anymore...
-I thought so much of you and now after all we've done for you, befriending you. All she's done for you.. putting up with you harassing her.. disturbing her life.... so what if she sees another guy. You're not her boyfriend. You don't own her. She can do whatever she likes.
-Don't lie to me and say you can't remember a damn thing...
He stopped me. Scratched his head with a bewildered look on his face followed by a What-on-earth-are-you-talking-about stare.
"First of all, I'm telling you. I honestly don't remember anything that happened last night. I swear. You know me. I would never do such a thing. And why did you say i was harassing her. I've never ever disturbed her. Call her here, i need to clarify this."
"She doesn't want to see you again. Ever. She wants to cut ties with you. It's over. I don't think i can be your friend either. I'm sorry."
I was. And i felt sad. I felt like i knew he was so much more than this. Then again, people do stupid things under the influence of alcohol. I could tell he was confused. He stared at his hands then into space as if trying to search for memories he knew he just didn't have.
"I can't remember what happened yesterday. I don't know what i did. But one thing for sure, is that i've never harassed her. So what makes you say that?"
Huh?
"She did! She's been telling me all this time that we've known you, you keep on disturbing her even when she told you she's got a boyfriend. Do you.. like her? Cause she doesnt like you. She doesn't think of you that way. You keep on disturbing her and yet she's willing to be your friend. She's naive, so damn innocent and you've destroyed that in her"
He smirked. WTF?
"Innocent you say. Naive.. Why don't you ask her.
"Ask her what?"
"I won't say. You just go ahead and ask her"
I am puzzled. And intrigued.
I woke up in the morning, all geared up and ready to parade! Not really. I was half awake as i got up brushed my teeth and got changed. But right when i was about to open my main door, it was as though my sleep bubble burst, and i knew something had happened. There was a key on the door. She locked the door. My block door is never locked. It had became faulty sometime ago, and hers was the only key that worked on it. And there it was, just hanging at the lock. She's still asleep, i'll just have to find out when i get back.
I came home around 6.15pm. 15 more minutes before my dance practice. I had to hurry. I walked into my room and started gathering what i needed for practice. She poked out from her room.
"Hey! I wanted to ask you. What happened last night. I saw the key on the lock. Did he do something?"
She started tearing.. crying..
"He slapped me. Twice. He accused me of lying to him and seeing another guy yesterday,"
I was stunned. The words just couldn't come out of my mouth. Even if it could. I didn't know what to say. It just didn't make any sense to me. I gave her a hug. Still bewildered, confused.
"Why didn't you shout for me. Or try to run away,"
"I did but he kept shutting me up and pulling me back. I couldn't get away,".
I wanted to stay to comfort her. But i was running late.
"I'll kill him when i come back. I'll go talk to him".
When my practice was over, i went back to my room. The door was locked. Poor girl must be traumatized. I knocked till she opened.
"Are you going to talk to him now?"
"Yea, i'm going over right now,"
"It's okay, you dont need to. I'm fine,"
"Nah, i need my guitar back anyway. I'll just talk to him,"
I walked across to his door and banged on it. I didn't realise how angry i was. It took him awhile to open the door, and when he saw me he had on a blur look on his face.
"Hey, did we exchange guitars yesterday?" he said with a puzzled look on his face.
Confused. Is he trying to pull a fast one on me by acting blur?
"No. You borrowed mine. Don't you remember?"
"No, I don't remember anything from yesterday. Then where's mine? Why? What's wrong?"
Ohhh he's good.
"You seriously don't remember anything from last night?"
"I remembered seeing you, then i went to bed. When i woke up i saw two empty bottles of vodka and i knew we drank."
"We? I didn't drink with you. You drank all that yourself. By the way, did you remember seeing BNN?"
He thought to himself for awhile. "No. I don't remember seeing her. Why?"
By this time i was shaking in anger. I was furious. Words just came flying out of my mouth and i couldn't stop myself. I can't recall what i said exactly but it was more or less
-Do you know you slapped her?
-How could you do such a thing a girl.. to a friend?
-Do you know you've traumatized that poor girl to death. She's in there crying
-I've lost all respect for you...
-I don't think i can face you anymore...
-I thought so much of you and now after all we've done for you, befriending you. All she's done for you.. putting up with you harassing her.. disturbing her life.... so what if she sees another guy. You're not her boyfriend. You don't own her. She can do whatever she likes.
-Don't lie to me and say you can't remember a damn thing...
He stopped me. Scratched his head with a bewildered look on his face followed by a What-on-earth-are-you-talking-about stare.
"First of all, I'm telling you. I honestly don't remember anything that happened last night. I swear. You know me. I would never do such a thing. And why did you say i was harassing her. I've never ever disturbed her. Call her here, i need to clarify this."
"She doesn't want to see you again. Ever. She wants to cut ties with you. It's over. I don't think i can be your friend either. I'm sorry."
I was. And i felt sad. I felt like i knew he was so much more than this. Then again, people do stupid things under the influence of alcohol. I could tell he was confused. He stared at his hands then into space as if trying to search for memories he knew he just didn't have.
"I can't remember what happened yesterday. I don't know what i did. But one thing for sure, is that i've never harassed her. So what makes you say that?"
Huh?
"She did! She's been telling me all this time that we've known you, you keep on disturbing her even when she told you she's got a boyfriend. Do you.. like her? Cause she doesnt like you. She doesn't think of you that way. You keep on disturbing her and yet she's willing to be your friend. She's naive, so damn innocent and you've destroyed that in her"
He smirked. WTF?
"Innocent you say. Naive.. Why don't you ask her.
"Ask her what?"
"I won't say. You just go ahead and ask her"
I am puzzled. And intrigued.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I don't sleep in the subway anymore..
I'd be lying if i said i wasn't slightly traumatized by this whole bomb blasting thing. I use the subway everyday. And whenever people walk in and out those doors i can't help but observe each and everyone of them. Studying them. Seeing if they look suspicious. I'm paranoid! I know! I still have to go for my cycles. I still have to stop at the stop the terrorists were suppose to bomb but missed. And whenever i reach the station, my heart races a little and i can't wait to get out of there. It's disturbing, yet we have no choice but to go on our daily routine. Partially traveling in fear. Polices have stopped a few Malaysian muslim girls who wear head scarfs to check their identification and their bags. I even heard of a woman who was terrified when one of our muslim girls sat next to her on the subway. She quickly got off the next station with her son. I dont really blame them, but i sympathize for my friends who are suspected of being terrorists here in this country.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Moscow Metro bombings
37 killed, many more injured in twin bombings at Metro Lubyanka and Metro Park Kultury.
My stop was a metro before Park Kultury, which now, according to rumours were the actual targeted Metro. Im worrying now, imagining what would have happened if they had gone according to plan. Timing would have been just right for i was in the subway at that time.
Better blow away all the 'What if's' floating around my head. I only thank God that no one i know got hurt.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The Flawless Facade Part 4
He had a bad habit. He likes to drink when he's upset. I tend to keep away when he's in that state because he gets really emotional and he starts hugging, and stroking my hair and forcing me to dance with him. All that's fine. I always keep my guard up when he's in that mood. But almost always pitied him, for i see tears in his eyes when he speaks of the reason he drinks. He would never really specifically say what, but i always sensed it was love. A girl. Of course, the one thing that makes us all decide to just screw it and drink our liver away. Girls..
I came back to my block one day at 3 in the morning. A was fast asleep, and BNN had went to a friend's room. He's door was wide open and from the end of the corridor, i saw him staggering towards me. He sang my name, reaching out his arms for a hug. Okay..... Dr-un-k!
"How much did you drink?"
"You want? I have 1/4 of a bottle left"
Vodka...
"No, it's okay. I'm good. How have you been? (he had been complaining that he hasn't been able to eat or sleep well for the past 3 days)
"I want to go back to my country. I'm very sad and lonely"
Then he changes the topic completely.
"Why do people lie? If they don't want to spend time with me, they should tell me straight!"
Oh dear, i thought. It's gotta be about BNN again.
"Well, maybe they don't want to hurt your feelings"
"They still shouldn't lie!" (He's getting worked up)
"It's like a white lie. Sometimes friends just need some space from each other"
"Yea, but what if it's your girlfriend? Should she lie to you about this?"
(he must be talking bout his russian girl aka The fling)
At that time, BNN walks by. He sees her and shakes his head. He looks at me and asks for my guitar. He had lent his to someone else. Not wanting to go against his wishes at a time like this, i passed it to him. He marched into his room, and started playing it. She looked at me with fear in her eyes (she didnt like talking to him when he's drunk).
"He's a little bit emo," i said.
"Yea, he kept calling me to go to his room just now. I told him i was busy with my friends".
He marched out of his room. I excused myself. I was exhausted and i needed rest. I had every intention of going to the St Patrick's Parade the next day and i had only 5 hours left to sleep. She excused herself too. "NO! I want to talk to you. Come in and close the door,". I had no idea, why she followed his orders but i worried for her. I decided not to sleep till she was safely back in. I had left my block door and my room door wide open just in case. Silence took over the hostel and all i could hear was my breathing and the clicking of my mouse as i tried to stay awake in front of my laptop.
I came back to my block one day at 3 in the morning. A was fast asleep, and BNN had went to a friend's room. He's door was wide open and from the end of the corridor, i saw him staggering towards me. He sang my name, reaching out his arms for a hug. Okay..... Dr-un-k!
"How much did you drink?"
"You want? I have 1/4 of a bottle left"
Vodka...
"No, it's okay. I'm good. How have you been? (he had been complaining that he hasn't been able to eat or sleep well for the past 3 days)
"I want to go back to my country. I'm very sad and lonely"
Then he changes the topic completely.
"Why do people lie? If they don't want to spend time with me, they should tell me straight!"
Oh dear, i thought. It's gotta be about BNN again.
"Well, maybe they don't want to hurt your feelings"
"They still shouldn't lie!" (He's getting worked up)
"It's like a white lie. Sometimes friends just need some space from each other"
"Yea, but what if it's your girlfriend? Should she lie to you about this?"
(he must be talking bout his russian girl aka The fling)
At that time, BNN walks by. He sees her and shakes his head. He looks at me and asks for my guitar. He had lent his to someone else. Not wanting to go against his wishes at a time like this, i passed it to him. He marched into his room, and started playing it. She looked at me with fear in her eyes (she didnt like talking to him when he's drunk).
"He's a little bit emo," i said.
"Yea, he kept calling me to go to his room just now. I told him i was busy with my friends".
He marched out of his room. I excused myself. I was exhausted and i needed rest. I had every intention of going to the St Patrick's Parade the next day and i had only 5 hours left to sleep. She excused herself too. "NO! I want to talk to you. Come in and close the door,". I had no idea, why she followed his orders but i worried for her. I decided not to sleep till she was safely back in. I had left my block door and my room door wide open just in case. Silence took over the hostel and all i could hear was my breathing and the clicking of my mouse as i tried to stay awake in front of my laptop.
Friday, March 26, 2010
The flawless facade Part 3
We had initially planned to avoid him whenever we can. Somehow, that never turns out right. He lives right across from us. He had a peep hole in his door, for pete's sake. He knew when we were going out, when we came back, when we cooked.. etc. And everytime we saw him, we had to be nice. Have a minor conversation. Neighbour talk. "How are you? Have you had your dinner? Weather is shit". That kinda thing. But something happened amidst all the superficiality. He started to grow on us. He would cook for us, we would cook for him. He'd have us over at his place. He'd invite me for a smoke, or a drink occasionally and it wasn't unpleasant. He would even sometimes tutor her when she had a test coming up. I wouldn't let him. I would feel too inferior, and i'd rather study at my own pace then have someone breathing down my neck about it.
But one thing about him though. He was a lonely guy. He was much senior as compared to anyone else in the hostel. Many of his friends had left, and the juniors had their own crowd. Plus, he was too matured for all of them. To me, he was this old man. Always nagging the younger crowd who made too much noise, or those who had rendezvous on our floor, or people who walked by and shuffled their feet instead of carrying it (lazy walk, he said) -_- (we're students.. we're lazy people, we couldnt care less bout how we walked) And being that old man that he is, he bores me sometimes. Talking about politics or educating me bout life and his experience makes me feel like dozing off when i'm not in the mood for it. So more times than none i avoid him when i feel like being by myself. And because he hasn't got much friends, me and BNN are constantly at the top of his 'who-to-disturb' list.
So, we would avoid him when we weren't in the mood for his company. We would exchange updates on how he messaged and we never replied. Or when he called and we didn't answer. And when we did, we pretended to be asleep or swamped at the time. Now, we weren't all that terrible if that's what you're thinking cos believe me, he was the persistent kind. If couldn't reach you today, he'd try tomorrow, and the day after, and so on so forth. I sorta feel, with me, he kinda got the hint. He stopped bugging me as much, cos i could go on for a week without acknowledging his calls. BNN on the other hand, had a much softer heart. She would always have pity on him, give in and end up going to his room to spend sometime with him. Of course, all this would be fine if she didnt occasionally come to me and say what a burden it was being his friend. "I regret ever knowing him" were her constant words.
Like i said, he was persistent. He would demand things from her. ''Cook for me, bring me some stuff from Malaysia, find me information bout something, come and see me Right Now! etc''. "He's always bugging me for things. Or to spend time with him". And when she didn't, he complained to me. He would always ask me, what she was doing. He knew when she was lying if she made an excuse just cos she didn't want to see him. I suspected that he had a thing for her. "Tell him bout your boyfriend. And stop being too nice to him,". She said she had told him many times before that she's engaged to her boyfriend. They're to wed when she graduates. She giggled as she told me, "Yea, i also want to start avoiding him more lah. Lazy to layan". And so that's how it went on for months. I would spend time with him when i felt like it, so would she, and sometimes we 3 would just hang out together. She did still complain about him harassing her from time to time, but I always thought as long as he didn't really do anything to her, then it's pretty harmless. So i'd push him to find a girl and he'd always just smile and shake his head.
But one thing about him though. He was a lonely guy. He was much senior as compared to anyone else in the hostel. Many of his friends had left, and the juniors had their own crowd. Plus, he was too matured for all of them. To me, he was this old man. Always nagging the younger crowd who made too much noise, or those who had rendezvous on our floor, or people who walked by and shuffled their feet instead of carrying it (lazy walk, he said) -_- (we're students.. we're lazy people, we couldnt care less bout how we walked) And being that old man that he is, he bores me sometimes. Talking about politics or educating me bout life and his experience makes me feel like dozing off when i'm not in the mood for it. So more times than none i avoid him when i feel like being by myself. And because he hasn't got much friends, me and BNN are constantly at the top of his 'who-to-disturb' list.
So, we would avoid him when we weren't in the mood for his company. We would exchange updates on how he messaged and we never replied. Or when he called and we didn't answer. And when we did, we pretended to be asleep or swamped at the time. Now, we weren't all that terrible if that's what you're thinking cos believe me, he was the persistent kind. If couldn't reach you today, he'd try tomorrow, and the day after, and so on so forth. I sorta feel, with me, he kinda got the hint. He stopped bugging me as much, cos i could go on for a week without acknowledging his calls. BNN on the other hand, had a much softer heart. She would always have pity on him, give in and end up going to his room to spend sometime with him. Of course, all this would be fine if she didnt occasionally come to me and say what a burden it was being his friend. "I regret ever knowing him" were her constant words.
Like i said, he was persistent. He would demand things from her. ''Cook for me, bring me some stuff from Malaysia, find me information bout something, come and see me Right Now! etc''. "He's always bugging me for things. Or to spend time with him". And when she didn't, he complained to me. He would always ask me, what she was doing. He knew when she was lying if she made an excuse just cos she didn't want to see him. I suspected that he had a thing for her. "Tell him bout your boyfriend. And stop being too nice to him,". She said she had told him many times before that she's engaged to her boyfriend. They're to wed when she graduates. She giggled as she told me, "Yea, i also want to start avoiding him more lah. Lazy to layan". And so that's how it went on for months. I would spend time with him when i felt like it, so would she, and sometimes we 3 would just hang out together. She did still complain about him harassing her from time to time, but I always thought as long as he didn't really do anything to her, then it's pretty harmless. So i'd push him to find a girl and he'd always just smile and shake his head.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The flawless facade Part 2 (The New Neighbour)
Summer came and went, and i returned to Moscow feeling the autumn breeze on my face as i journeyed from the airport to my hostel. I was the last of my block to return, so when i did, i shouted out to them. "Hey!".
"Hey!" came a reply from my back. I turned around to see my new neighbour popping his head out from his door across from mine. It was him! At that time, electrical impulses just weren't passing through my neurons and i stood there stunned. I smiled and ran into my block.
"What is he doing here? He's living across from us now? Is he stalking you or something?" I bombarded all this questions at her, and she gave me a terrified look and an 'I-have-no-idea' gesture. Well, okay, i guess you'll just have to be careful around him. She nodded.
"Hey!" came a reply from my back. I turned around to see my new neighbour popping his head out from his door across from mine. It was him! At that time, electrical impulses just weren't passing through my neurons and i stood there stunned. I smiled and ran into my block.
"What is he doing here? He's living across from us now? Is he stalking you or something?" I bombarded all this questions at her, and she gave me a terrified look and an 'I-have-no-idea' gesture. Well, okay, i guess you'll just have to be careful around him. She nodded.
The flawless facade Part 1
Where do i begin.. It seems so long ago. A year and a half to be exact. He was a post grad student. Aside from studying, he made money on the side by selling insurance and worked part time by being a middle man for travel agencies. That's how she (BNN) got to know him. That's how I got to know him. Last winter, we both decided to take a trip to Egypt. She recommended him to me, saying a fellow friend had claimed his deals were reasonable. I was doubtful, but i followed her to inquire anyway. See, the thing bout him was. He had a bad reputation among the Malaysian students and some of the India guys. No one was really sure why though, perhaps he was a conman, or that he was out proud pervert. I never really knew the guy. And i wanted it to stay that way.
After that visit to his room, i never spoke to him aside from the occasional 'Hi' and 'Byes' when i bumped into him on the street. She on the other hand took it to the next level. She added him on her messenger. Of course, she needed updates about the price of the Egypt trip, so she chatted with him frequently. I'm not the type of person who indulges in affairs of others, so at that point i lost interest in whatever was going on. That is until one day i decided to unexpectedly be a nuisance and bug my blockmates. I do this often. I use their spare key, barge in and skip around their room like a 6 year old girl with pig tails till they acknowledge me. But she wasn't there.
"Hey, where did she go?" i asked A, who was in her usual position in bed, facing her laptop that she placed on a chair so it would be eye level and she didn't have to get up because let's face it, for students here, our lives revolve around our laptop. And as long as the screen is pointed to our faces, the only thing we would get up to do is go the bathroom, or to eat.
"She went out with him". I looked at my watch. "It's like 11pm already. Isn't it kinda dangerous to be out so late. Especially with him. We don't really know him."
"Yea, i know. But she's that type of person. She's too nice and friendly to everyone, that she's always making new friends left and right," A said. Yea, tell me bout it. Let me share a little bout BNN. She's a muslim. Tudung (head scarf) wearing kind. Sweet, innocent, and naive. The bubbly, cheerful, laughs her head off at everything kind. She and my ex have the same birthday. Their characters were the same. And i felt i knew her. So when i knew that she was going out with him, i felt troubled. Not because I'm into her (GAWD NO!), but because i felt she was the type of person who could be taken advantage of and i felt i needed to let her know that.
When she returned, i spoke to her. Made sure she knew what she was possibly getting into if she were to continue the friendship. 'Just be careful'. Those were my exact words. Just let him know that you're already in a relationship so he wouldn't consider anything more than friendship. OK, she said. After that i began to lose interest in them again. ( i get bored easily).
After that visit to his room, i never spoke to him aside from the occasional 'Hi' and 'Byes' when i bumped into him on the street. She on the other hand took it to the next level. She added him on her messenger. Of course, she needed updates about the price of the Egypt trip, so she chatted with him frequently. I'm not the type of person who indulges in affairs of others, so at that point i lost interest in whatever was going on. That is until one day i decided to unexpectedly be a nuisance and bug my blockmates. I do this often. I use their spare key, barge in and skip around their room like a 6 year old girl with pig tails till they acknowledge me. But she wasn't there.
"Hey, where did she go?" i asked A, who was in her usual position in bed, facing her laptop that she placed on a chair so it would be eye level and she didn't have to get up because let's face it, for students here, our lives revolve around our laptop. And as long as the screen is pointed to our faces, the only thing we would get up to do is go the bathroom, or to eat.
"She went out with him". I looked at my watch. "It's like 11pm already. Isn't it kinda dangerous to be out so late. Especially with him. We don't really know him."
"Yea, i know. But she's that type of person. She's too nice and friendly to everyone, that she's always making new friends left and right," A said. Yea, tell me bout it. Let me share a little bout BNN. She's a muslim. Tudung (head scarf) wearing kind. Sweet, innocent, and naive. The bubbly, cheerful, laughs her head off at everything kind. She and my ex have the same birthday. Their characters were the same. And i felt i knew her. So when i knew that she was going out with him, i felt troubled. Not because I'm into her (GAWD NO!), but because i felt she was the type of person who could be taken advantage of and i felt i needed to let her know that.
When she returned, i spoke to her. Made sure she knew what she was possibly getting into if she were to continue the friendship. 'Just be careful'. Those were my exact words. Just let him know that you're already in a relationship so he wouldn't consider anything more than friendship. OK, she said. After that i began to lose interest in them again. ( i get bored easily).
Monday, March 22, 2010
Two things
that i'm reminded of today..
1) the reason why i never trust anyone
2) LDRs are for shit..
If i didn't have such a good time during my outing today, i would have been crushed by what i can only describe as 'The flawless facade'.
The flawless facade!
Coming soon, in another one of Key's episodes of unpredictable expectations!
Comes with the 'please-hit-me-with-a-rock' effect.
Well, at least for me it does..
"haik!"
counters effect with....
It's like i'm draped with a giant comforter..
mmmm
1) the reason why i never trust anyone
2) LDRs are for shit..
If i didn't have such a good time during my outing today, i would have been crushed by what i can only describe as 'The flawless facade'.
The flawless facade!
Coming soon, in another one of Key's episodes of unpredictable expectations!
Comes with the 'please-hit-me-with-a-rock' effect.
Well, at least for me it does..
"haik!"
counters effect with....
It's like i'm draped with a giant comforter..
mmmm
Monday, March 15, 2010
Handsome Men's Club/Alizbar
просто потому что мне смешно
и мне скучно
-----------------------------
I spent the whole day working on my so-called project. Rewatching the clips over and over again to break down the steps. Came to understand that putting my imagination into reality requires intricacy. There is progress, but it's not flowing as fluidly as i expected. It's so hard to follow through when you have perfection in your head, but it flows out of you to become this ... muck! ( i dont know, that's just the first word that popped in my head to best describe this) I really don't wanna be a leader in this. I'm more of a part of the team kinda person. I'll come up with the ideas, and i'll run the show, but i dont like giving out orders. I prefer feedback rather than bossing people around. Yeah i know i dont have to be like that. I guess i'm just stressed and slightly worried that if there were any set backs, I'd be judged. Plus i've kinda set this expectation for myself. I've got this whole storm up in my head. Just gotta learn to let it flow out smoothly.. Baby steps.. baby steps.. Plus, does anyone know how to change a certain wav. file to a different one.. I'm much too lazy to figure that one out by myself..
------------------------------
I now feel like crying and sleeping at the same time...
I've already spent so much this month on unnecessary... err substances. And now i'm torn between spending what i have left on his concert, or on food..
K that sounds a bit extreme doesnt it..
Fine! I'll just wait it out till next month then.. *sulks*
Till then i'll just have to make do with listening from Youtube..
Mmmmm....
и мне скучно
-----------------------------
I spent the whole day working on my so-called project. Rewatching the clips over and over again to break down the steps. Came to understand that putting my imagination into reality requires intricacy. There is progress, but it's not flowing as fluidly as i expected. It's so hard to follow through when you have perfection in your head, but it flows out of you to become this ... muck! ( i dont know, that's just the first word that popped in my head to best describe this) I really don't wanna be a leader in this. I'm more of a part of the team kinda person. I'll come up with the ideas, and i'll run the show, but i dont like giving out orders. I prefer feedback rather than bossing people around. Yeah i know i dont have to be like that. I guess i'm just stressed and slightly worried that if there were any set backs, I'd be judged. Plus i've kinda set this expectation for myself. I've got this whole storm up in my head. Just gotta learn to let it flow out smoothly.. Baby steps.. baby steps.. Plus, does anyone know how to change a certain wav. file to a different one.. I'm much too lazy to figure that one out by myself..
------------------------------
I now feel like crying and sleeping at the same time...
I've already spent so much this month on unnecessary... err substances. And now i'm torn between spending what i have left on his concert, or on food..
K that sounds a bit extreme doesnt it..
Fine! I'll just wait it out till next month then.. *sulks*
Till then i'll just have to make do with listening from Youtube..
Mmmmm....
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Creepy clowns..
I HATE CLOWNS..
I should think anyone who's around my age, would hate them as well.
Why?
Thank that damn movie IT the clown..
Believe me if you thought the movie freaked the wits out of you, the book kinda gets to you more.
It was that sort of book that, made you stop reading midway, take a slow glance around the room and the back of you, just to be sure no one drooling blood is looking over your shoulders or trying to creep up behind you. The only other book that i recall has ever gotten to me that way would be The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red. Gawd how i was obsessed with Rose Red, wanting it so much to be true. Oh and i honestly believed it was true.. Watching the documentaries, and the movie about it.. gave me the creeps and made the hair at the nape of my neck stand, but i loved the whole idea of it.
Anyway i came across this picture, which is in fact, Yes, the scariest last supper ever.. It just reminded me of IT all over again, along with all the other freaky-assed clowns.. Yech! After sitting down for awhile trying to see if i recognized all of em' i suddenly realized that i was torturing myself. *shudders*
i actually hv no idea why im posting this up.
or maybe i'm subconsciously doing this, being influenced by McDonalds, or that stupid jigsaw doll!
Hmm okayy.. shall avoid eating McD's for awhile now..
So much for facing the fear head on.. =/
I should think anyone who's around my age, would hate them as well.
Why?
Thank that damn movie IT the clown..
Believe me if you thought the movie freaked the wits out of you, the book kinda gets to you more.
It was that sort of book that, made you stop reading midway, take a slow glance around the room and the back of you, just to be sure no one drooling blood is looking over your shoulders or trying to creep up behind you. The only other book that i recall has ever gotten to me that way would be The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red. Gawd how i was obsessed with Rose Red, wanting it so much to be true. Oh and i honestly believed it was true.. Watching the documentaries, and the movie about it.. gave me the creeps and made the hair at the nape of my neck stand, but i loved the whole idea of it.
Anyway i came across this picture, which is in fact, Yes, the scariest last supper ever.. It just reminded me of IT all over again, along with all the other freaky-assed clowns.. Yech! After sitting down for awhile trying to see if i recognized all of em' i suddenly realized that i was torturing myself. *shudders*
i actually hv no idea why im posting this up.
or maybe i'm subconsciously doing this, being influenced by McDonalds, or that stupid jigsaw doll!
Hmm okayy.. shall avoid eating McD's for awhile now..
So much for facing the fear head on.. =/
Monday, March 8, 2010
1up on life, to snore ur way into women's day..
Happy women's day to girls everywhere, even the tribal ones who proly dont know the existence of it. It's one in the morning, and i've just finished watching 'It's complicated'. Me and a friend decided to watch it after she unexpectedly paid me a visit. Only thing is, she fell asleep halfway and is now snoring loudly on the bed across from mine. I'm not particularly annoyed at this nor am i really complaining, but i guess i'm not used to the fact that someone is spending the night in my room. No, not just someone. Someone with a serious case of nasal passage block. Why can't snoring sound more musical. No, scratch that, my grandpa makes this really loud whistling noise when he sleeps, each one ending with a puff of air producing a 'kh'. Technically, that's worse. But somehow i prefer the really consistent snores as compared to the opposed. The inconsistent snores ie the ones that comes to an abrupt stop and starts off all of a sudden with a full blast trumpet sound. At that point, you'd kinda wish there was a conductor right there with his baton putting this whole orchestra to an end.
My ex used to have that problem. Or still has. Who knows. But whenever she was over and we'd sleep together, i used to have alot of trouble falling asleep. We'd always be spooning and that was always nice, right up to the actual sleeping session. (ooo wonders never cease, the trumpeter has stopped.. hope she doesnt ever come across my blog. Tee~) Anyway, here i am, sitting in front of my laptop waiting to feel somnolent (gosh she sleeps exactly like my ex does, with all the snores, midway moans and sudden bodily jerks).
Decided to play a little old school nintendo game online. Unfortunately i never really live long enough through the game to use up any of the energy in my reserve tank for me to feel remotely drowsy. I'm a little rusty at the older games. That, and the fact that i realised, games back then used to be so much tougher than the ones now. Yea, modern games are 3D-ed and has special graphics and the puzzles are tough to solve. But the main marker for me in pointing out the difference would be.. a save point. Games back then couldn't be saved!! What's even worse is, they only give you 3 lives (max) throughout the entire game. You could prolly get an extra by bonus points but yet somehow that is still not enough (not for me at least). I've been playing Super Mario Brothers since i was a kid and it dawned on me that i've never ever finished the game. So i started again.. and as rusty as i was, i somehow managed to get a bit further since the last time i played but everytime i reach a new stage, i'd have to die at least trice before passing it. Meaning i'd have to play the whole damn game again. Now that's just sad. Plus it weighs my spirit down.
I know what you're thinking at this point..
Cos i'm thinking the same thing as im proof reading this..
Key...
THAT'S 1UP TO U!
WOOHOO!
My ex used to have that problem. Or still has. Who knows. But whenever she was over and we'd sleep together, i used to have alot of trouble falling asleep. We'd always be spooning and that was always nice, right up to the actual sleeping session. (ooo wonders never cease, the trumpeter has stopped.. hope she doesnt ever come across my blog. Tee~) Anyway, here i am, sitting in front of my laptop waiting to feel somnolent (gosh she sleeps exactly like my ex does, with all the snores, midway moans and sudden bodily jerks).
Decided to play a little old school nintendo game online. Unfortunately i never really live long enough through the game to use up any of the energy in my reserve tank for me to feel remotely drowsy. I'm a little rusty at the older games. That, and the fact that i realised, games back then used to be so much tougher than the ones now. Yea, modern games are 3D-ed and has special graphics and the puzzles are tough to solve. But the main marker for me in pointing out the difference would be.. a save point. Games back then couldn't be saved!! What's even worse is, they only give you 3 lives (max) throughout the entire game. You could prolly get an extra by bonus points but yet somehow that is still not enough (not for me at least). I've been playing Super Mario Brothers since i was a kid and it dawned on me that i've never ever finished the game. So i started again.. and as rusty as i was, i somehow managed to get a bit further since the last time i played but everytime i reach a new stage, i'd have to die at least trice before passing it. Meaning i'd have to play the whole damn game again. Now that's just sad. Plus it weighs my spirit down.
I know what you're thinking at this point..
Cos i'm thinking the same thing as im proof reading this..
Key...
THAT'S 1UP TO U!
WOOHOO!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
happy chinese valentine's day/Dreams
Chap Goh Meh, that is..
Marking the fifteen day, and also the last day of Chinese New Year. A day where single ladies (so to speak) try to put a ring on it by throwing tangerines into the sea in hopes that their future mates will pick it up. I'd imagine some would like to do so over here, throwing oranges into the lake nearby, but seeing as it's still frozen, i doubt the effect of the power would be the same. Than again, wouldn't it be more effective to just throw an orange at the person you like (preferable aiming at the occipital region, cos that'd be more fun to watch) and grin away all cave-man like.
I'm not very chinese. I don't do anything particularly superstitious on Chinese New Year's eve let alone on the 15th day. But my friend and her boyfriend decided to go out for an authentic Chinese meal and i thought what the heck. I've nothing better to do anyway. Correction. I Do have things to do.. im actually in midst of a project of doing a medley of Michael Jackson's songs which has proven to be a task more challenging than expected but i'm all ready to charge it head on. But today, ah today, makes me feel like a deflating balloon.. I was trying to put together an outfit and when i tried searching for my white tie... i couldn't.. it just wasn't there. And that got me so frustrated that i turned my whole room upside down and much to my disappointment i still haven't found it. So i broke out a box of oreos and started stuffing myself with it, which than made me feel like a compulsive eater. I know this is completely random, but to stop myself from eating anymore, i sat down and watched Fame. Do i sound psycho, or is this completely natural and just happens to everyone? Ehh, who cares.
Which reminds me.. I wanted to jot down the dream i had yesterday this morning but it slipped my mind. I'm known for having weird, random, unrelated dreams. I once dreamt my friend came to me and said "Didn't know you know, Key, China had taken over Russia". Ahaa.... >_>''
Anyway i dreamt yesterday, that i was in Amsterdam. I was walking the streets, checking out the souvenirs and other shops, just having a swell time. When it was time for me to go home, I got onto a bus and asked it to take me back to my town in Selangor. Yeap, a bus from Amsterdam to Selangor (it made sense in the dream). Anyway the driver agreed, and with me were this old couple which got friendly with me along the ride. All of a sudden, i realised the bus was going through this glass tunnel which was brightly painted with pictures of angels and Greek Gods and Goddesses and then we came out from the other end, all i could see was this light. Shining so bright that you'd only imagine this was what heaven was like. I panicked because Dude, that's what not my city is like.. Anyway, i sprinted to the head of the bus and demanded to know where we were. And that's when the driver turned around, gave me a grin and said, "We're in Rome". -_-'' WHAT???
"what the hell am i doing here"
"sorry we had to kidnap you, but you wouldn't have came with us if we told you what we wanted you for"
"and what Do you want me for???!"
"we want you to represent us, to play... Dungeons and Dragons"
"-_-''' "
At that point of the dream i felt lost and well, i was well aware that the dream was getting stupid, so i decided to wake up. Still, it was a dream i wanted to remember, because, heck.. stupid dreams make the best stories, that and i love waking up to these kind of dreams feeling really confused, wondering where the hell i am.
That's why i love sleeping.. It takes you places. Now, at least i can say, an addition to the places i've been, I've also been to Rome, babeh.. =P In my dreams...-_-
P.S.:Please don't think me stupid/bimbo. I'm really just high from overeating at the Chinese restaurant. Cheers~
Marking the fifteen day, and also the last day of Chinese New Year. A day where single ladies (so to speak) try to put a ring on it by throwing tangerines into the sea in hopes that their future mates will pick it up. I'd imagine some would like to do so over here, throwing oranges into the lake nearby, but seeing as it's still frozen, i doubt the effect of the power would be the same. Than again, wouldn't it be more effective to just throw an orange at the person you like (preferable aiming at the occipital region, cos that'd be more fun to watch) and grin away all cave-man like.
I'm not very chinese. I don't do anything particularly superstitious on Chinese New Year's eve let alone on the 15th day. But my friend and her boyfriend decided to go out for an authentic Chinese meal and i thought what the heck. I've nothing better to do anyway. Correction. I Do have things to do.. im actually in midst of a project of doing a medley of Michael Jackson's songs which has proven to be a task more challenging than expected but i'm all ready to charge it head on. But today, ah today, makes me feel like a deflating balloon.. I was trying to put together an outfit and when i tried searching for my white tie... i couldn't.. it just wasn't there. And that got me so frustrated that i turned my whole room upside down and much to my disappointment i still haven't found it. So i broke out a box of oreos and started stuffing myself with it, which than made me feel like a compulsive eater. I know this is completely random, but to stop myself from eating anymore, i sat down and watched Fame. Do i sound psycho, or is this completely natural and just happens to everyone? Ehh, who cares.
Which reminds me.. I wanted to jot down the dream i had yesterday this morning but it slipped my mind. I'm known for having weird, random, unrelated dreams. I once dreamt my friend came to me and said "Didn't know you know, Key, China had taken over Russia". Ahaa.... >_>''
Anyway i dreamt yesterday, that i was in Amsterdam. I was walking the streets, checking out the souvenirs and other shops, just having a swell time. When it was time for me to go home, I got onto a bus and asked it to take me back to my town in Selangor. Yeap, a bus from Amsterdam to Selangor (it made sense in the dream). Anyway the driver agreed, and with me were this old couple which got friendly with me along the ride. All of a sudden, i realised the bus was going through this glass tunnel which was brightly painted with pictures of angels and Greek Gods and Goddesses and then we came out from the other end, all i could see was this light. Shining so bright that you'd only imagine this was what heaven was like. I panicked because Dude, that's what not my city is like.. Anyway, i sprinted to the head of the bus and demanded to know where we were. And that's when the driver turned around, gave me a grin and said, "We're in Rome". -_-'' WHAT???
"what the hell am i doing here"
"sorry we had to kidnap you, but you wouldn't have came with us if we told you what we wanted you for"
"and what Do you want me for???!"
"we want you to represent us, to play... Dungeons and Dragons"
"-_-''' "
At that point of the dream i felt lost and well, i was well aware that the dream was getting stupid, so i decided to wake up. Still, it was a dream i wanted to remember, because, heck.. stupid dreams make the best stories, that and i love waking up to these kind of dreams feeling really confused, wondering where the hell i am.
That's why i love sleeping.. It takes you places. Now, at least i can say, an addition to the places i've been, I've also been to Rome, babeh.. =P In my dreams...-_-
P.S.:Please don't think me stupid/bimbo. I'm really just high from overeating at the Chinese restaurant. Cheers~
Friday, February 19, 2010
This is the life...
Lying down on my bed as im typing out this post.. Can't help but feel so relaxed. and also still exhausted. Mentally, i mean. Had a sleepless night again, trying to mug for today's exam. Barely made it through, but it all worked out great. Chatting with a friend who graduated last year,and hearing her complain about work makes me all the more grateful for what i have now. I love this student life. Ain't nothing like it.
Now that the black cloud over my head has passed, i can finally do all the things i've been meaning to do. Been refraining myself from everything and now there's nothing in my way. Woohoo.
Damn i'm still sleepy, but i know if i continue sleeping, i'd regret it. Nooo.. i have to live my life partying baby! Long weekend ahead, since it's Men's day and i get two extra days off! Woot Woot~
Let the good times roll!!
Exam's just a thing of the past, baby.. Just a thing of the past... ;)
Now that the black cloud over my head has passed, i can finally do all the things i've been meaning to do. Been refraining myself from everything and now there's nothing in my way. Woohoo.
Damn i'm still sleepy, but i know if i continue sleeping, i'd regret it. Nooo.. i have to live my life partying baby! Long weekend ahead, since it's Men's day and i get two extra days off! Woot Woot~
Let the good times roll!!
Exam's just a thing of the past, baby.. Just a thing of the past... ;)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Gong Xi Fa Chai 2010
Dawn of the year of tiger.. Another year has come around, and i'm still stuck here doing the same thing.. Trying to prepare for my surgery exam that i so conveniently put off before skidaddling to europe. Upon returning home (pfft, home it seems ) to Moscow, the very first thing i did was gave my laptop a hug, slight caress before plugging in it and letting it boot up while i prance around the room strumming Mikhaila ( my guitar). Tons of offline messages popped up, as i scanned each one briefly before stopping to one that made my eyes dilate with horror.
"Hey, don't mean to ruin your holiday, but thought i'd let you know that the next date for surgery exam is on 12th"
Boing!! I was literally stunned for that second, before going "ehh.. Whatever.."
Somehow, as time flew over the years, we tend to get less worried about exams and being pressured to do in on time, or the threats from the dean that it IS in fact the very last official date of the exam. Cos in the long run, we've all figured out, it's just a bunch of bull. Very much like the boy who cried wolf.. so to speak.. .. or something along those lines.. Annyyyywayy..I hadn't yet prepared myself to be going for classes yet, let alone doing an exam.. So screw it.. I skipped the first day of class, which was the day after i arrived and just spent the day being zoinked out.. I have no idea why, but upon arriving back in moscow, i just felt totally lost, and discombobulated as to where i was, or what i was suppose to be doing or anything else for that matter.. Guess i needed awhile, and slowly but surely like Stella , i got my groove back.. Still, i needed a whole lotta while to get back down to earth, cos i was literally sitting in the dark for the past week with nothing on but my table lamp, watching Ed the bowling alley lawyer.. (i missed Ed! :D ) I really needed that week off, for now... i'm like back in the zone babayy.. all geared up and ready to rumble *does boxing motions* It's now or never, i'm taking this exam on, mano e mano (yea, that's why i'm here blogging, right)
Nay, main reason i wanted to blog, it's so i dont forget my yesterday. That's right, people.. i successfully hosted my very own Chinese New Year party all by myself (mostly). I wrote out the menu, got all the stuff ( yea felt kinda rich enough to sponsor this on me own), and worked it all out.. Believe me, i was a nervous wreck though, praying the food would be enough. I felt like i under budgeted the food for the amount of people that i invited, but it was all good.. I mean, i was so worried in the beginning that i didnt even feel like eating till everyone had their share. Nothing made me happier than those three words uttered "I'm damn full"... Phew *wipes sweat* Somehow i felt that was the most hardworking i've ever been without being pushed for it, and i felt proud.. of course i'm back to being the lazy ole me again today and at least i can say, ehh at least i deserve it hahah.
I do hope however, the year of the tiger is on my side.. I mean i have no complains and i don't really believe in luck but i do hope for less complications and more excitement to fly my way and for my family. Remembering past events has really shown me that we've come along way, and it just occured to me that i still speak of my grandmother in present tense unconsciously, sometimes.. and i wonder if it's because i'm so far away that i've never really came to terms with her passing. But no worries, i Do believe this year, will be a great year ahead. And i'll do whatever it takes to make sure of it ;) Starting with this dreadful exam.. *sighhh*
back to the salt mines it is....
"Hey, don't mean to ruin your holiday, but thought i'd let you know that the next date for surgery exam is on 12th"
Boing!! I was literally stunned for that second, before going "ehh.. Whatever.."
Somehow, as time flew over the years, we tend to get less worried about exams and being pressured to do in on time, or the threats from the dean that it IS in fact the very last official date of the exam. Cos in the long run, we've all figured out, it's just a bunch of bull. Very much like the boy who cried wolf.. so to speak.. .. or something along those lines.. Annyyyywayy..I hadn't yet prepared myself to be going for classes yet, let alone doing an exam.. So screw it.. I skipped the first day of class, which was the day after i arrived and just spent the day being zoinked out.. I have no idea why, but upon arriving back in moscow, i just felt totally lost, and discombobulated as to where i was, or what i was suppose to be doing or anything else for that matter.. Guess i needed awhile, and slowly but surely like Stella , i got my groove back.. Still, i needed a whole lotta while to get back down to earth, cos i was literally sitting in the dark for the past week with nothing on but my table lamp, watching Ed the bowling alley lawyer.. (i missed Ed! :D ) I really needed that week off, for now... i'm like back in the zone babayy.. all geared up and ready to rumble *does boxing motions* It's now or never, i'm taking this exam on, mano e mano (yea, that's why i'm here blogging, right)
Nay, main reason i wanted to blog, it's so i dont forget my yesterday. That's right, people.. i successfully hosted my very own Chinese New Year party all by myself (mostly). I wrote out the menu, got all the stuff ( yea felt kinda rich enough to sponsor this on me own), and worked it all out.. Believe me, i was a nervous wreck though, praying the food would be enough. I felt like i under budgeted the food for the amount of people that i invited, but it was all good.. I mean, i was so worried in the beginning that i didnt even feel like eating till everyone had their share. Nothing made me happier than those three words uttered "I'm damn full"... Phew *wipes sweat* Somehow i felt that was the most hardworking i've ever been without being pushed for it, and i felt proud.. of course i'm back to being the lazy ole me again today and at least i can say, ehh at least i deserve it hahah.
I do hope however, the year of the tiger is on my side.. I mean i have no complains and i don't really believe in luck but i do hope for less complications and more excitement to fly my way and for my family. Remembering past events has really shown me that we've come along way, and it just occured to me that i still speak of my grandmother in present tense unconsciously, sometimes.. and i wonder if it's because i'm so far away that i've never really came to terms with her passing. But no worries, i Do believe this year, will be a great year ahead. And i'll do whatever it takes to make sure of it ;) Starting with this dreadful exam.. *sighhh*
back to the salt mines it is....
Monday, February 1, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
bit of update from prague..
in prague.. tired from walking all day. just came back from tour, and free roaming. suppose to head off to some "happening" clubs tonight but slightly exhausted. B n D are taking naps, i on the other hand met someone i found interesting today, and immediately felt like i needed to google that person.
Yes, i found her online.
Yes, i might seem like a stalker, but it's only because i regret not talking to her more. (She was with a bunch of friends)
It's rare that i find someone that triggers my button, and make me perk up to listen to them.
I might intend to pursue this ... little quest in getting to know this person from afar.
Do not think less of me! I swear, i'm not psycho..
Merely, trying to catch hold of opportunities (oh what a lame excuse)
Btw, if one believes in fate, then you'd say that it's fate that i met someone that i've been avoiding for the past month, here, right in the very front of the prague castle. Wonders never cease.. -_-''
D just walked into the room and i was caught of guard by his presence that i pulled the cord of the keyboard. I think he secretly eyed me, fumbling about with the wire, tryin to put it back and he walked off. I hate blogging when people are around. I rather they not know bout it..
Well, better be heading off now.
Toodles~
Sunday, January 24, 2010
im now in berlin. i think almost all the hostels im stayin at provide free internet. i had initially planned to update my blog every chance i got but unfortunately its not possible to fit every event in such a small amount of time. of course, i dont want to spend all my time in front of the computer. but if i dont write stuff down, im to forget all of whats happened. as it is, im absent minded and forgetful. shall write down everything that happened in point form,save the draft and fill in the blanks later on. hopefully i would still remember what happened.
bad year for a trip to europe bcos of the cold,but im still enjoying myself =)
bad year for a trip to europe bcos of the cold,but im still enjoying myself =)
Monday, January 18, 2010
Countdown
Exam in 2 days time..
Trip in 3...
Weather in Europe seems to be warming up a bit.. Can't say the same for Moscow though. Temperatures went down to -20 again today and i canceled my plan to exchange money. I'm not going out there. Na ah. No wonder Russians are so cranky. It's winter half the year through. They're suffering from winter depression longer than most people. I've had my share of that disorder. But nothing like a long hot shower, and of course turning up every light you have in the room helps me get through. Perhaps this are one of the reasons Russians are the way they are.
Just the other day i witnessed a verbal dispute as i was getting onto a bus. A man, placed 22 roubles on the door counter and waited for his ticket. The bus driver seeing this refused to acknowledge the money because the fare had actually increased to 26roubles. The main waited, the driver waited, and i waited, and no one is doing a bladdy thing. Behind me a couple of 'babushkas' (grandmothers) were lining up as well.
All of a sudden, the driver burst out from his seat and shouted at the man, "What the hell do you want?"
"I want my ticket!!" the man shouted back.
"Are you stupid, can't you read?" as the driver pointed to the door where the fares were all listed down.
Me, seeing this slowly inched back in case they decided to brawl. Yet, i was amused by the whole conversation. Their voices were drawing attention from everyone in and out of the bus. Practically screaming their heads off and i had front row seats to the show.
"Well, how bladdy much is the ticket now?!"
Can't the stupid bugger read.. -_-
"26roubles!!" the driver shouted, losing every bit of patience he had.
Behind me the babushka was answering meekly as well.. "26....26..."
"SEE! Even the babushka knows how much it is!" the driver shouted, humiliating the man who then tried to brush it off saying "Of course i knew how much it was, i take the damn bus everyday," which was nothing close to a strong comeback.
He took the ticket and walked to the back of the bus, with everyone shaking their heads in discontentment. My head was filled with giant bouts of laughter which i tried not to express on my face.
But seriously, how smooth everything would have been, if the driver had politely corrected the man. Or if the man had apologized for being so damn dense. It would have saved us alot of time, and he would have saved himself from being humiliated. Russians... sigh. I'd like to go to a place where people apologize even if they aren't at fault, instead of being in a country where they'd do something to you, just so they would have the opportunity to Not apologize. Arrogant bastards.
Thank God their women are beautiful, otherwise we'd have no reason to like them at all.
MMmmm...как вкусно ...Ms. Natalia
Trip in 3...
Weather in Europe seems to be warming up a bit.. Can't say the same for Moscow though. Temperatures went down to -20 again today and i canceled my plan to exchange money. I'm not going out there. Na ah. No wonder Russians are so cranky. It's winter half the year through. They're suffering from winter depression longer than most people. I've had my share of that disorder. But nothing like a long hot shower, and of course turning up every light you have in the room helps me get through. Perhaps this are one of the reasons Russians are the way they are.
Just the other day i witnessed a verbal dispute as i was getting onto a bus. A man, placed 22 roubles on the door counter and waited for his ticket. The bus driver seeing this refused to acknowledge the money because the fare had actually increased to 26roubles. The main waited, the driver waited, and i waited, and no one is doing a bladdy thing. Behind me a couple of 'babushkas' (grandmothers) were lining up as well.
All of a sudden, the driver burst out from his seat and shouted at the man, "What the hell do you want?"
"I want my ticket!!" the man shouted back.
"Are you stupid, can't you read?" as the driver pointed to the door where the fares were all listed down.
Me, seeing this slowly inched back in case they decided to brawl. Yet, i was amused by the whole conversation. Their voices were drawing attention from everyone in and out of the bus. Practically screaming their heads off and i had front row seats to the show.
"Well, how bladdy much is the ticket now?!"
Can't the stupid bugger read.. -_-
"26roubles!!" the driver shouted, losing every bit of patience he had.
Behind me the babushka was answering meekly as well.. "26....26..."
"SEE! Even the babushka knows how much it is!" the driver shouted, humiliating the man who then tried to brush it off saying "Of course i knew how much it was, i take the damn bus everyday," which was nothing close to a strong comeback.
He took the ticket and walked to the back of the bus, with everyone shaking their heads in discontentment. My head was filled with giant bouts of laughter which i tried not to express on my face.
But seriously, how smooth everything would have been, if the driver had politely corrected the man. Or if the man had apologized for being so damn dense. It would have saved us alot of time, and he would have saved himself from being humiliated. Russians... sigh. I'd like to go to a place where people apologize even if they aren't at fault, instead of being in a country where they'd do something to you, just so they would have the opportunity to Not apologize. Arrogant bastards.
Thank God their women are beautiful, otherwise we'd have no reason to like them at all.
MMmmm...как вкусно ...Ms. NataliaSunday, January 10, 2010
Giving in to temptation is not defeat, it's indulgence.
No idea how i came to think that. But it does suit the situation.
I've finally decided to do my exam on a later date. Wise choice? NO IDEA. No matter how relieve i feel after making that decision, i can't help but have my guilty conscience keep kicking me in the rear. I"m not the sort of person who would pend an exam. Perhaps it was the effect of failing for the very first time last semester. Somehow failing an exam in a medical course isn't as horrifying as other courses ( i suppose ) You simply, retake the paper, no questions asked, no hassle, and no one judges you. But still, that unfamiliar feeling overwhelmed me when i failed Pathology Anatomy last year. Worse part was, i didnt even want to do the exam then. I had to literally force it all in, sighing and moaning and grumbling after reading every third question. After that experience, deciding not to take the exam this time around was much easier. Of course, being that and the fact that i have devils as friends. One by one, everyone starting dropping out, sinking, and puling me down with them. My room became a hot spot for people who weren't doing the exam on time. It became a place to eat and drink, and sing and shisha all night long. I'm not proud of this. In fact, i had the pleasure of being warned by my blockmates to keep it down. They said they've been tolerating me since christmas. Aaaahhh... out of all the things i hate being intolerable.. i mean.. I really dont wanna have to be tolerated. I'm not that sort of person who you would have to put up with, i'm the type you Wanna live with. Is it my fault for not knowing how to put on a stern face and kick people out of my room. Yes, there are times when people overstay their welcome and all you do is just sit and ignore them and they still don't get the hint and leave.
So here i am, sitting in my room, alone with the silence, enjoying the peace. I've been on downloading frenzy the last couple of days. There are just too many good movies out there. Recent watch would be Dorian Gray. Absolutely delightful watch. I've read the book when i was younger. Always pictured what i'd be like if it were made into a movie. Though as i watched the movie seemed perfectly clear to me. Story line and all, my friends however didn't quite grasp it all. For those who have not read the book, it would seem a bit abrupt in certain places. Main plot is well fitted in, but the bits and pieces in between seem to have been thrown in like dashes of salt added to a meal , a little bit here and there. This is only one man's opinion of course.
"You have the only two things worth having, Mr. Gray. Youth and beauty."
The blind side. Another movie worth watching. To me, it's a perfect blend of humour, and warmth. (no idea if that made sense to u) Though it portrayed only the perfection of the family, and the society, you can't help but think of it as a fairy tale or dream come true. Best part is, it is. A good movie to watch on a Saturday night, snuggling in close with your family, fighting for the pillows. A movie that leaves you smiling at the end.
"Are you goin to protect the family, Michael?"
Next up on my list of movies to watch, are Time traveller's wife and Lovely bones. Regret never having read both books but i'm sure i'll enjoy both movies immensely. Well, there's really not much sense in worrying and feeling guilty for not sitting for my exam. Might as well make most of the time i have.
As i quote Lord Henry in 'Dorian Gray' - "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing"
Indeed Lord Henry, Indeed..
I've finally decided to do my exam on a later date. Wise choice? NO IDEA. No matter how relieve i feel after making that decision, i can't help but have my guilty conscience keep kicking me in the rear. I"m not the sort of person who would pend an exam. Perhaps it was the effect of failing for the very first time last semester. Somehow failing an exam in a medical course isn't as horrifying as other courses ( i suppose ) You simply, retake the paper, no questions asked, no hassle, and no one judges you. But still, that unfamiliar feeling overwhelmed me when i failed Pathology Anatomy last year. Worse part was, i didnt even want to do the exam then. I had to literally force it all in, sighing and moaning and grumbling after reading every third question. After that experience, deciding not to take the exam this time around was much easier. Of course, being that and the fact that i have devils as friends. One by one, everyone starting dropping out, sinking, and puling me down with them. My room became a hot spot for people who weren't doing the exam on time. It became a place to eat and drink, and sing and shisha all night long. I'm not proud of this. In fact, i had the pleasure of being warned by my blockmates to keep it down. They said they've been tolerating me since christmas. Aaaahhh... out of all the things i hate being intolerable.. i mean.. I really dont wanna have to be tolerated. I'm not that sort of person who you would have to put up with, i'm the type you Wanna live with. Is it my fault for not knowing how to put on a stern face and kick people out of my room. Yes, there are times when people overstay their welcome and all you do is just sit and ignore them and they still don't get the hint and leave.
So here i am, sitting in my room, alone with the silence, enjoying the peace. I've been on downloading frenzy the last couple of days. There are just too many good movies out there. Recent watch would be Dorian Gray. Absolutely delightful watch. I've read the book when i was younger. Always pictured what i'd be like if it were made into a movie. Though as i watched the movie seemed perfectly clear to me. Story line and all, my friends however didn't quite grasp it all. For those who have not read the book, it would seem a bit abrupt in certain places. Main plot is well fitted in, but the bits and pieces in between seem to have been thrown in like dashes of salt added to a meal , a little bit here and there. This is only one man's opinion of course.
"You have the only two things worth having, Mr. Gray. Youth and beauty."
The blind side. Another movie worth watching. To me, it's a perfect blend of humour, and warmth. (no idea if that made sense to u) Though it portrayed only the perfection of the family, and the society, you can't help but think of it as a fairy tale or dream come true. Best part is, it is. A good movie to watch on a Saturday night, snuggling in close with your family, fighting for the pillows. A movie that leaves you smiling at the end.
"Are you goin to protect the family, Michael?"As i quote Lord Henry in 'Dorian Gray' - "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing"
Indeed Lord Henry, Indeed..
Monday, January 4, 2010
Impending doom..
Days left to exam = 8
Progress so far = 15%
I should just shoot myself ..
--------------
Between right about this time, and the day before any exam, God receives crap loads of messages. All asking the same thing.. Please help me pass my exam. I don't care what i get, as long as i pass. I'll promise to give up.. "...." (whatever it is).
There's a joke i heard though, that i wished was true.
There were 3 hostels in a campus. 3 days before finals, God sent an angel to inspect the students. Students in hostel 1 were studying, students in hostel 2 were studying as well, but the students in hostel 3 were drinking and partying away. The angel reported back, and repeated the inspection the next day. The same thing was going on. Students in hostel 1 and 2 were busy burning the midnight oil and burying their faces in books, while the students in the hostel 3 were getting wasted. Now on the night before the finals, God sent his angel to inspect the students for the last time, He needed to reconfirm on who deserved his blessings more. The angel looked into hostel 1 and 2. They were all studying, as to no surprise. But when the angel came to hostel 3, he was shocked to see all of the students, on their knees. Praying to God.. The angel reported back. The next day, everyone from hostel 3 passed with flying colours. God shrugged and said, well, 'They were the ones who took the time to pray'.
Hahahaha.
Yea i know it's kind of a stupid joke, but i kinda like the ending to it :P
--------
Not really in the mood of studying, partly because of my bad neck ache i've been having since the new year. Not a good start. Slept in an extremely distorted position and now i can't turn to the left at all. I feel the tension in my left shoulder all the time, as if there's pressure on it. Sort of reminds me of that movie, Shutter. (which i now regret mentioning >.< ) Should get back to studying then. Feeling the guilt today as i blew off studying yesterday to seek motivation from others, only to end up drinking till 6am. Aiyayai...
Whatever will we do with you, key..
Progress so far = 15%
I should just shoot myself ..
--------------
Between right about this time, and the day before any exam, God receives crap loads of messages. All asking the same thing.. Please help me pass my exam. I don't care what i get, as long as i pass. I'll promise to give up.. "...." (whatever it is).
There's a joke i heard though, that i wished was true.
There were 3 hostels in a campus. 3 days before finals, God sent an angel to inspect the students. Students in hostel 1 were studying, students in hostel 2 were studying as well, but the students in hostel 3 were drinking and partying away. The angel reported back, and repeated the inspection the next day. The same thing was going on. Students in hostel 1 and 2 were busy burning the midnight oil and burying their faces in books, while the students in the hostel 3 were getting wasted. Now on the night before the finals, God sent his angel to inspect the students for the last time, He needed to reconfirm on who deserved his blessings more. The angel looked into hostel 1 and 2. They were all studying, as to no surprise. But when the angel came to hostel 3, he was shocked to see all of the students, on their knees. Praying to God.. The angel reported back. The next day, everyone from hostel 3 passed with flying colours. God shrugged and said, well, 'They were the ones who took the time to pray'.
Hahahaha.
Yea i know it's kind of a stupid joke, but i kinda like the ending to it :P
--------
Not really in the mood of studying, partly because of my bad neck ache i've been having since the new year. Not a good start. Slept in an extremely distorted position and now i can't turn to the left at all. I feel the tension in my left shoulder all the time, as if there's pressure on it. Sort of reminds me of that movie, Shutter. (which i now regret mentioning >.< ) Should get back to studying then. Feeling the guilt today as i blew off studying yesterday to seek motivation from others, only to end up drinking till 6am. Aiyayai...
Whatever will we do with you, key..
Happy 2KX ya'll
It's the year of the Tiger. I love sitting down at this time of year reading back my horoscopes of the previous year just to see if it was true. Can't tell most of the time anyway. It's usually all so vague.
Did the usual drinking and jumping and wishing at the stroke of midnight, though i was quite sober this time around. I wish to not share the horrors i went through right before the new year(because of a certain someone). Let's just leave the past, in the past.
Anyway wishing everyone out there a happy new year and may this year be better than the last. (that's what we always say) but there are always ups and downs to every thing. So there's no comparison really. Unless your luck is really shitty throughout the year. Oh well, we shall see.
Happy 2Kx, people..
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