There are two kinds of way people get back at each other.

One.. are the people who bangs stuff around. Ignore the shit out of you. Slam doors. Barge in and out. Walk around stamping their feet. Breathe fire out of their noses kind.

And there's people like me. People who smile in front of your face, but spits in your coffee. Keep silent and ignore the fact there's a problem, but we step on the things you put your head on. Use your clothes to wipe shit off the floor. I could give more examples but i dont think thats making me look good.

There are just times when you can't take it anymore.

Everything you do is getting to me. And it's building up. And there is no way to let this out, can of worms thing. And i'm trying to be the better person by just letting it slide for now.

Always making excuses for others..

Fucking tired of this shit. When can i just be...

i miss you..

Attention please, in case of fire..

there's been a fire recently in my hostel. one of the plugs in the room of some juniors had sparks which caught onto a bed and well, everything was just gone..

we were forced to evacuate from the building, taking only our personal belongings and documents such as passports.

you would probably expect everyone to be panicking and running amok, fortunately we were all very calm.

some grumbling, some overly excited about the fact that there's "A gathering macah!"

and some stoned asses,

"yo, lucky i got to take my cigs man"

"yea, and my wallet too, if not can't buy beer"

so they all sat down under the tree and drank beer and smoked cigs and lived happily ever after watching the juniors pose for pictures with the fire truck. (^_^) Y ..

Peace..

so remember kids, in case of fire, remember to take your camera phones, and your money for beer, so you can enjoy watching the pretty flames coming out of someone's window and be thankful it's not yours.

The End.

fucking birthday coming up.. dreading it.. i really dont feel like celebrating..

i'm a simple person... i never need much in life..

i don't ask for many things.. or people..

sometimes.. all you need is One..

goin crazy..

feel like imitating a muppet character..

laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i like leavin my laptop on when i sleep..

it gives me that feeling like someone's watching me..

watching over me..

i feel safe..

i don't feel so alone..

days go by..

i'm so tired.. it's been a long day, yet i can't sleep.. i don't wanna sleep.

cos then tmr will come..

and before you know it, it'll be another day, and another day, and another day..

to me .. it's all just another day..

same old shit, diff ....

everyone leaves..

and i'll pretend to not care while they walk away..

i'm tired of trying to reconcile past relationships because it'll only hurt me more when there's no one at the other end answering as i knock..

i've been through it..for too many years..

i dont wanna put myself in that position anymore..

can i?

can i hv a word with happiness please..

i'm convinced that no one in this world is meant to be happy. everyone is bound to some sort of melancholic disorder that spreads around like a plague. if you're in love, it won't last long. and if it does last long you're most likely to lose them anyway, by any means eg death. i'm not hopeful and i'm tired of trying to be an optimist. because i can't see it that way right now.
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sleep deprived, stayed up till 3 studying. woke up at early to continue. i can't nap, i can't rest, i can't sleep at nights.

why oh why did i choose to study this proffesion.

sometimes i'm so numb, that i have to take the stethoscope and put to my chest to make sure my heart is beating. yet that doesn't convince me im alive.

bluer than blue

After you go
I can catch up on my readin'
After you go
I'll have a lot more time to sleepin'
And when you're gone looks like things
Are gonna be a lot easier
Life will be a breeze you know
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

After you go
I'll have a lot more room in my closet
After you go
I'll stay out all night long if I feel like it
And when you're gone
I can run through the house screamin'
And no one will ever hear me
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

I don't have to miss no TV shows
I can start my whole life over
Change the numbers on my telephone
But the nights will sure be colder

an epiphany struck.. and then.. there was nothing..

i think not alot of ppl know or have the instinct to read someone, their character, to know if their intentions are good or otherwise. it's like when you open up your email, and you read the title of the mail, you're sure to know if it's a spam mail, or a genuine one. having that ability to read that in people, is indeed a more difficult. so how well do you know yourself. i think i can tell from a mile away if someone is coming up to me to take advantage, to befriend me, or just simply to rile me up. doesn't necessarily have to been from afar of course. just being around that person for more a than a minute reveals their true intentions, their purpose of being your friend, of talking to you, or trying to get close to you. it's always easier though, to be sceptical about someone new. you give in a little, but you take in more. you don't get hurt that way.

i have no idea why i'm writing this. just came to mind..
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in another story..

She came to me yesterday, looking somewhat proud and scared at the same time. Never saw her in that sort of way before. She extended her hand, a rose, a white rose. She was giving me a white rose and i was stunned. No one's ever given me a flower before and i didn't know to react. "i know nothing i say would make any difference, so i hope this flower says it all" she chirped. was she acting coy? couldn't tell. was still in awe of her actions. guess there's hope of humanity after all in this godforsaken place.

I've never felt more vulnerable, more lost, more unwanted in my life. It's like being thrown into exile. Like being in a black room, letting the darkness eat me inside out. I wish people would be more concerned. I wish life wouldn't just go on. I wish I could properly mourn for her. The funeral is tomorrow. It'll be a final goodbye for those lucky enough to be there. And I'm here, nothing's changed, everything's moving along like nothing's happened. Am I'm stuck in sorrow by myself. With people still laughing all around. People still making jokes. The world is spinning round. And I..

I couldn't sleep the whole night through. I kept waking up, thrashing around. I don't know why I'm angry. I'm getting irritated by everything around me, but I don't know why. Please don't try to be a friend if you don't know how. You end up saying the wrong things and it's just gonna piss me off futhur. I'm already at the edge, and if u push me off, i swear I might just lose hold of everything. I'm already hanging on by a thread. I'm not going to go around looking for sympathy. I'm not going to talk to people just for them to listen to me. I'm not like that. If you're a friend, you come to me. I'm fragile. Don't expect me to put myself out there anymore. No more.. No more..

Rest in Peace Ahma..

She loved flowers.. She hated worms.. She was strong, and that's how we'll remember her in our hearts. A woman who never let anyone around her see her flaws and weaknesses. She was a rock. She brought everyone around her strength. She was a true angel among angels. She was a responsible wife, a wonderful mother, and most of all she was The Best grandmother in the world. My grandmother.. My ahma..

I miss you so much. Dear Lord, please take good of her. She's happy now being where she always wanted to be. We remember her courage and we'll grieve the fact that she is no longer here, but she will always be with us.. walk with me, Ahma. We all miss you so much. I wish i was home. I wish we could have our final goodbyes. I'm sorry for all the mistakes I've done. But i know what you'll say. You'll say don't worry. Ahma is happy now. Ahma wanted this for so long. Please be at peace. You told me when i was young, that if Ahma went to heaven, Ahma will let me see what heaven looks like in my dreams. Visit me Ahma. Visit me often. I pray you're in that place you dreamt of once, living on hill top, with a cat and a dog, and a view overlooking the wonders of God. Ahma don't have to use your oxygen concentrator anymore. Ahma can sing, now that you'll have your voice back. Sing Ahma, so I'll be able to hear you when I look to the skies. I'll be looking for you. Watch over me....

study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study
stu.....Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

K.O

Soul searching searched?

Of most times i wanna just speak out my mind, and pour out these questions that run through my head, but i fear the answers that come back to me, is not something i wanna hear.
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Been sick these couple of days. Immune system down and I just feel like sleeping it all off.. Hate feeling incompetent but I really am during these situations. Been gladly popping pills for about 2 weeks now. Headaches won't go away. Probably gonna get liver failure at an early stage in my life. pfft.
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Sometimes it keeps coming back to me, hits me with a jolt. Sometimes several times in a minute like clips flashing in my mind and it hurts everytime to the point that I can't take no more. How long can you keep this up my friend? You're getting no where.
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You can only see who you really are.. when you're alone..

I'm not happy

i dont know why either.. i can't help myself..

i'm just me..


happy birthday to someone out there..

Calling out ...

u're so superficial, u disgust me..