impervious... stone cold heart?

do realise at this point of time, that i'm just layaning whatever that comes by.
i didnt bfore, and i was most of the time deeply affected..
the mood that i am in now reminds me that i should and i perhaps am (for now) impervious to your comings and goings as you please.
no im not upset, nor do i feel the need to want more.. or ask any from you.
there's no point in that .. imho
emotionless, i might say..
and indifferent to whatever it is we have..
maybe i've come to a point where i feel i give only what i get..
i'm not expecting anything.. maybe i am cold .. doubtful , skeptical , u name it.. i am the pessimist that you see..
whatever laaa.. i doubt u feel any different anyway..
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if the question on your mind, is if i am any happier than i am before?
the answer would be no.. i was already happy the way i was.. i found myself by being alone. yea sure there are times when i was lonely and i get depressed. the question is, how is it any different now from before if i still don't have someone by me.
i've gotten accustom to not goin to people when i'm upset , on rare occasions it would be to J. he gets me. so i wouldnt ask of anyone .. i would ask it of u to accompany me during those times. maybe it's not reached that level. who knows.. no point questioning for now anyway.