A dreamer's thoughts.

Sometimes I wonder the type of person I want to be. I don't think it's ever to late to keep wondering that even if you're well aged. People can change in an instant. It all depends on what they want. So like I said. I sit and wonder what type of person I want to be.

I've always thought of myself as a person who would just be satisfied with the simplicity of life. Living on a stable salary and just as long as I am able to do the things that I need, I would in fact be contented.

But in a way, me having that sort of mind set would very well be, or might be the one thing holding me back. Of course, everyone would say, aim high. And that seems like the most sensible thing.

I guess my question for now would be.. How high do I aim? 

With closed eyes.

A sunday morning.
I sit here, with a whiskey in hand.
I had ran out of cigarettes last night.
I think i'm just finding something to intoxicate myself with.
Yes, whiskey in the morning.
Seems so wrong in the eyes of society but feels so right to me.
I'm not heavy drinking.
I just decided to dig into my special stock of Johnnie Walker's Double Black.
Feels like a good day.
The sun is up.
As winter approaches, this will all fade away.
Take in everything, one breath at a time.

I used to be a lot more interesting. I swear!

I realized that i once used to regularly update my blog, with ideas, my daily stories, or just utterly random silly topics. I guess it's fun to read back and remember how you were back then, but i cant help but compare the Me i am today, and who i was.

Am i really that much different now. I fear somehow that is true. I used to be funny (not that i dont think i am now, but it's a whole different kinda funny). Sillier would be a better word. I used to be able to write better. My vocabulary has long gone down the sewers. I used to be more expressive. Detailed. Perhaps i used to breathe in life. Like really, just took every moment into consideration and feel everything.

I need to get back to where i was before. No matter how broken down, or how badly mangled my heart and mind has been, i owe it to myself to at least try, to be the person that i once was.

I wanna be the retarded, fun loving self that i once was.

We'll see how this goes.

Handsome Men's Club/Alizbar

просто потому что мне смешно



и мне скучно
-----------------------------
I spent the whole day working on my so-called project. Rewatching the clips over and over again to break down the steps. Came to understand that putting my imagination into reality requires intricacy. There is progress, but it's not flowing as fluidly as i expected. It's so hard to follow through when you have perfection in your head, but it flows out of you to become this ... muck! ( i dont know, that's just the first word that popped in my head to best describe this) I really don't wanna be a leader in this. I'm more of a part of the team kinda person. I'll come up with the ideas, and i'll run the show, but i dont like giving out orders. I prefer feedback rather than bossing people around. Yeah i know i dont have to be like that. I guess i'm just stressed and slightly worried that if there were any set backs, I'd be judged. Plus i've kinda set this expectation for myself. I've got this whole storm up in my head. Just gotta learn to let it flow out smoothly.. Baby steps.. baby steps.. Plus, does anyone know how to change a certain wav. file to a different one.. I'm much too lazy to figure that one out by myself..
------------------------------
I now feel like crying and sleeping at the same time...



I've already spent so much this month on unnecessary... err substances. And now i'm torn between spending what i have left on his concert, or on food..

K that sounds a bit extreme doesnt it..

Fine! I'll just wait it out till next month then.. *sulks*

Till then i'll just have to make do with listening from Youtube..

Mmmmm....

Creepy clowns..

I HATE CLOWNS..

I should think anyone who's around my age, would hate them as well.

Why?

Thank that damn movie IT the clown..

Believe me if you thought the movie freaked the wits out of you, the book kinda gets to you more.

It was that sort of book that, made you stop reading midway, take a slow glance around the room and the back of you, just to be sure no one drooling blood is looking over your shoulders or trying to creep up behind you. The only other book that i recall has ever gotten to me that way would be The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red. Gawd how i was obsessed with Rose Red, wanting it so much to be true. Oh and i honestly believed it was true.. Watching the documentaries, and the movie about it.. gave me the creeps and made the hair at the nape of my neck stand, but i loved the whole idea of it.

Anyway i came across this picture, which is in fact, Yes, the scariest last supper ever.. It just reminded me of IT all over again, along with all the other freaky-assed clowns.. Yech! After sitting down for awhile trying to see if i recognized all of em' i suddenly realized that i was torturing myself. *shudders*



i actually hv no idea why im posting this up.

or maybe i'm subconsciously doing this, being influenced by McDonalds, or that stupid jigsaw doll!

Hmm okayy.. shall avoid eating McD's for awhile now..

So much for facing the fear head on.. =/

1up on life, to snore ur way into women's day..

Happy women's day to girls everywhere, even the tribal ones who proly dont know the existence of it. It's one in the morning, and i've just finished watching 'It's complicated'. Me and a friend decided to watch it after she unexpectedly paid me a visit. Only thing is, she fell asleep halfway and is now snoring loudly on the bed across from mine. I'm not particularly annoyed at this nor am i really complaining, but i guess i'm not used to the fact that someone is spending the night in my room. No, not just someone. Someone with a serious case of nasal passage block. Why can't snoring sound more musical. No, scratch that, my grandpa makes this really loud whistling noise when he sleeps, each one ending with a puff of air producing a 'kh'. Technically, that's worse. But somehow i prefer the really consistent snores as compared to the opposed. The inconsistent snores ie the ones that comes to an abrupt stop and starts off all of a sudden with a full blast trumpet sound. At that point, you'd kinda wish there was a conductor right there with his baton putting this whole orchestra to an end.

My ex used to have that problem. Or still has. Who knows. But whenever she was over and we'd sleep together, i used to have alot of trouble falling asleep. We'd always be spooning and that was always nice, right up to the actual sleeping session. (ooo wonders never cease, the trumpeter has stopped.. hope she doesnt ever come across my blog. Tee~) Anyway, here i am, sitting in front of my laptop waiting to feel somnolent (gosh she sleeps exactly like my ex does, with all the snores, midway moans and sudden bodily jerks).

Decided to play a little old school nintendo game online. Unfortunately i never really live long enough through the game to use up any of the energy in my reserve tank for me to feel remotely drowsy. I'm a little rusty at the older games. That, and the fact that i realised, games back then used to be so much tougher than the ones now. Yea, modern games are 3D-ed and has special graphics and the puzzles are tough to solve. But the main marker for me in pointing out the difference would be.. a save point. Games back then couldn't be saved!! What's even worse is, they only give you 3 lives (max) throughout the entire game. You could prolly get an extra by bonus points but yet somehow that is still not enough (not for me at least). I've been playing Super Mario Brothers since i was a kid and it dawned on me that i've never ever finished the game. So i started again.. and as rusty as i was, i somehow managed to get a bit further since the last time i played but everytime i reach a new stage, i'd have to die at least trice before passing it. Meaning i'd have to play the whole damn game again. Now that's just sad. Plus it weighs my spirit down.

I know what you're thinking at this point..
Cos i'm thinking the same thing as im proof reading this..
Key...



THAT'S 1UP TO U!
WOOHOO!

happy chinese valentine's day/Dreams

Chap Goh Meh, that is..

Marking the fifteen day, and also the last day of Chinese New Year. A day where single ladies (so to speak) try to put a ring on it by throwing tangerines into the sea in hopes that their future mates will pick it up. I'd imagine some would like to do so over here, throwing oranges into the lake nearby, but seeing as it's still frozen, i doubt the effect of the power would be the same. Than again, wouldn't it be more effective to just throw an orange at the person you like (preferable aiming at the occipital region, cos that'd be more fun to watch) and grin away all cave-man like.

I'm not very chinese. I don't do anything particularly superstitious on Chinese New Year's eve let alone on the 15th day. But my friend and her boyfriend decided to go out for an authentic Chinese meal and i thought what the heck. I've nothing better to do anyway. Correction. I Do have things to do.. im actually in midst of a project of doing a medley of Michael Jackson's songs which has proven to be a task more challenging than expected but i'm all ready to charge it head on. But today, ah today, makes me feel like a deflating balloon.. I was trying to put together an outfit and when i tried searching for my white tie... i couldn't.. it just wasn't there. And that got me so frustrated that i turned my whole room upside down and much to my disappointment i still haven't found it. So i broke out a box of oreos and started stuffing myself with it, which than made me feel like a compulsive eater. I know this is completely random, but to stop myself from eating anymore, i sat down and watched Fame. Do i sound psycho, or is this completely natural and just happens to everyone? Ehh, who cares.

Which reminds me.. I wanted to jot down the dream i had yesterday this morning but it slipped my mind. I'm known for having weird, random, unrelated dreams. I once dreamt my friend came to me and said "Didn't know you know, Key, China had taken over Russia". Ahaa.... >_>''
Anyway i dreamt yesterday, that i was in Amsterdam. I was walking the streets, checking out the souvenirs and other shops, just having a swell time. When it was time for me to go home, I got onto a bus and asked it to take me back to my town in Selangor. Yeap, a bus from Amsterdam to Selangor (it made sense in the dream). Anyway the driver agreed, and with me were this old couple which got friendly with me along the ride. All of a sudden, i realised the bus was going through this glass tunnel which was brightly painted with pictures of angels and Greek Gods and Goddesses and then we came out from the other end, all i could see was this light. Shining so bright that you'd only imagine this was what heaven was like. I panicked because Dude, that's what not my city is like.. Anyway, i sprinted to the head of the bus and demanded to know where we were. And that's when the driver turned around, gave me a grin and said, "We're in Rome". -_-'' WHAT???

"what the hell am i doing here"

"sorry we had to kidnap you, but you wouldn't have came with us if we told you what we wanted you for"

"and what Do you want me for???!"

"we want you to represent us, to play... Dungeons and Dragons"

"-_-''' "

At that point of the dream i felt lost and well, i was well aware that the dream was getting stupid, so i decided to wake up. Still, it was a dream i wanted to remember, because, heck.. stupid dreams make the best stories, that and i love waking up to these kind of dreams feeling really confused, wondering where the hell i am.

That's why i love sleeping.. It takes you places. Now, at least i can say, an addition to the places i've been, I've also been to Rome, babeh.. =P In my dreams...-_-

P.S.:Please don't think me stupid/bimbo. I'm really just high from overeating at the Chinese restaurant. Cheers~

woooo hoooo..

off to amsterdam baybehhhh...

Huh??

i kinda realised, i dont like people who dont get my jokes/insults.

it's like wasted on them..

whizzing past their heads as they go.. Hurh? or are oblivious to it's existence..

Where are my people? Why are they all sleeping when i need to dish out lameness upon them..

i hate studying...

>.<

i know i should be sleeping right now...

as i sit here browsing blogs of other tenants/students in this hostel i realised the after effects of the whole no net scenario has caused bloggers to find other outlets to pour out onto or just find other means of idle, time consuming activity. Seems like their blogs have slowed down upon a yellow light or maybe i half expected everyone to be updating on their misery. But it seems to me at this point, that we're blogging out of obligation or habit. posting random sentences that would seem like a topic that should be given much thought to but it's really not (like what i'm doing now ) Perhaps what i'm doing is out of boredom (it's 2am, i can't sleep) or maybe it's the fact that i can't stand to see my blog not feed on my soul.. (eat... u musttt eat...)

Having an easy cycle this week. Came back from class way too early. Kinda prompted me to clean my entire room and still have time to spare before my evening nap. I swear i would have walked around Moscow after class if it weren't for the bladdy rain. Oh how i wish it'd snow instead. Started watching episode after episode of Glee and it came to this particular episode where Kurt; a gay, flamboyant, fashionable, boy, gathered up the courage to admit to his father about his sexuality. At that point of the show i actually held my breath anticipating his father's reaction. A thought entered my mind as i wondered that when straight people watched that exact same part, would they have reacted that way, admiring what that boy did. Because i can never in a million years imagine myself coming out to my folks the way he did (which is a good thing i never had to do that since they pried it out of me) But the sense of relief, knowing you never have to hide from them anymore makes it all worth while.

Summer hols.

My summer:

1) Went to ipoh to visit grandpa and grandma (at church).

We are forever reminded of her and her angelic ways. Still tearing from time to time. Sometimes the memories of her hits us when we least expect it and in the most unusual places and time. Once we were walking down Tesco's aisle when all of a sudden the song they were playing caught my attention. I perked up my ears to hear Mariah Carey's Bye bye in the background. I shook my head trying to pull myself away from unwanted thoughts, only to turn around and see my mum breaking down, right in the middle of the 'sauces' aisle. I quickly whipped out my phone and blasted a song to distract her, coaxing her like you do a child. The death of ahma has affected us so badly that the very mention of her name always keeps us silent for a while before remembering that she's in a better place now.

2) Did attachment at the hospital for 3 weeks

Though it was time consuming and for the most part cut my damn holidays to a mere 5 weeks, it did me some good. I gained more experience than i ever did doing anything else and i have no regrets. But, honestly in the medical field there are so many things to memorize that you don't really know what's meant to be remembered and applied later on. By doing practicals you're exposed to all these. Plus injecting people is fun! (sadistic part of me glowing).

3) Paaartaayyy

Starting meeting up with friends after practicals. Had a road trip to PD and Seremban with the gang. Never realised how much i missed beaches till my toes came in contact with sand. ooo made me feel like a kid again, waddling through and splashing each other with salt water. Even took a ride on the banana boat (eww does that sound wrong)











Drove back to M's house, already in drinking mood and screaming out the lyrics to 'I've got a feeling' at the top our lungs because her car radio busted. Main drink of the night, Vodka and Absinthe sponsored by yours truly ;) Drank ourselves silly and KO-ed at the break of dawn.



Oscar Wilde described drinking absinthe as such: "After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world."

Though i must say, i experienced none of which was said. After a bottle of vodka, we whacked half a bottle of absinthe, which to much disappointment did not get me hallucinating. Though it did get me good and drunk with the help of beer. The taste of it raw, of course is vile. So much that it made vodka taste like drops of heaven. Plus it burns the mouth and esophagus(what else could u expect from 70% of pure alcohol right)

4) Genting!

Went to genting to be a trainer for one of my cousin's motivational courses.



good pay too! though i initially agreed to do it for free but if people offer u money, take it by all means! it was an eye opening experience, for you get to evaluate yourself and at the same analyze others which is something i tend to do all the time. In the beginning i was skeptical about these sort of courses. I thought it a waste of the company's money but towards the end of it, i could see how it boosted their spirits and i know in the long time coming, they would still recall the lessons learnt and apply it (of course till they lose interest in everything again and another motivational course is needed). After the last day of the course, we said goodbye to the trainees and headed up to casinos! yeah baby. I'm finally right, ready and legal to enter the casino. Of course i want this to be done with the securities approval. In other words, i wanted to be stopped by the guards, to whip out my IC and shove in their faces. EEyyyeaAahhh. Entering the casino is no biggie to me, i've been in before with my speed and talent, but this time around i have nothing to hide. No laws to break and i wanted them to know. Unfortunately, no one gave a damn about me and i was just another China Ah pek ready to blow some money. Instead of stopping me, they stopped my elder sister and i'm all the more curious to know if i look older than her this year. so again, i walked out, and entered.. NOTHING.. WTH.. let's just gamble then. i won money anyway so, oh well.

ps: it's apparent that i look nothing like my sister, cos when we were doing our practicals at the hospital, no one knew we were related and i think the touching and hugging and the fact that i kept mentioning that we lived together just made them think we were lovers. -_-'' how uncanny..

5)Fooood

i think i packed and stacked on a good 8 to 9 pounds this time around. Of course in the beginning, i did alot of running ( i lurve running =p) and that slowed the process down but towards the end i was running out of time to do the other things that i love, so i forwent exercising. I was eating every second of the day, and it was bliss not knowing what hunger felt like. I even forgot the existence of the word (till i came back of course) During my last week, i was eating for two in a meal.

Dad: Alright, do you want bakuteh or yam rice for breakfast.
me: Yes.
Dad: *confused* *repeats question* Bakuteh or Yam rice?
me: Yes.
Dad: *stares at me for a very long time* Oohh you want both.
me: *smiles gleefully* yes please! I'm glad we speak the same language, dad.
Dad: I know you well, my fatty.
Me: -_- that was so uncalled for.

ooh and i forgot to mention Shangri La buffet.. Oo La La.. the food.. is to die for..










6) Dance

Me and ma were hired to choreograph and teach a bunch of people a dance for their company's annual dinner. The group consisted of a few girls and a guy ( mr chairman, in otherwords.. certified china ah pek ) Mum was in charge of the girls, and I the guy. Which i figured should be fairly simple. It's one guy. I thought of it as a simple task. Turns out.. I thought wrong. That man, does not only have no sense of rhythm, he is tone deaf and has no ear for music. How was i suppose to teach him to dance when he couldn't even recognize beats. Worse part is, thinking that he could dance i choreographed cooler/tougher steps for him to do. Which in the end needed to be altered. I did the best i could in which he could remember all his moves, but never doing a single one in timing with the music. I'm sorry uncle, that's all you're capable of =/ hehe

7) Reunions

Which of course are compulsory and one event that you cannot escape from. Of course, i never worry about these sort of things. But boy, do i hate those same old questions from the year before.. and every other year for that fact. Of course i know you're just trying to make conversation but sometimes i do get a little bored of repeating myself a few times a night. So i do, what i do when i get bored of your questions, i tell you horrifying stories of Russia and racism and their economy and enjoy watching you get shocked. XD

8) Myself

This summer, would be one i will cherish the most because of the time i managed to spend time with my family and my friends. I would categorize this under 'myself' because to know and to feel that i've lost certain people (physically and emotionally) that with the remaining ones that i have i still find joy in them and mainly myself. Anyway, in the long run, you learn to differentiate between the ones worth remembering and the ones who's names were just written in sand (easy to be erased by the wind and forgotten like it should be). Damn, which just reminded me of my stalker.

"......"

This year i did alot of self shopping and got alot more formal clothes. weee.. me is liking it. Bought myself ties and ooo i also picked up a new instrument. I decided to take another one up just to broaden my horizons. Of course knowing me i wanted the most uncommon and unlikely one. Which is easily obtained of course if not i would have chosen a harp or something. Anyway, I got me a harmonica! It's on an easy one to pick up as i had imagined. Of course i did research about it before getting one and i've managed to learn the basics but i didn't think it would be a much harder instrument to master as compared to the guitar. So far i've only been playing Annie's Song and Moon River continously as practice. Of course this is a step up from Mary had a little lamb. Lol.

Why is it people only appreciate the result of things. Not the process. C'mon people. Like Miley Cyrus said.. "ain't about how fast i get there.. ain't about what's waiting for the other side...it's the climbbb". My first few days of practicing the harmonica, was the toughest. Being shunned by your family is not an easy thing =( According to dad, what i'm doing is not music, it's noise =( When i first got my harmonica they made me sign a contract saying i would never play in their rooms. And only when it sounds good, they're harping on you to play them a song. Same thing goes when i was learning my guitar. tsk.. Humans..

Well i guess that's the gist of it or something in too much detail.(this is a very long post.. hmm ) I guess i have to end my boycotting of cooking food because i'm much too hungry and no matter how lazy i am, there is only so long that i can survive without proper food. Toodles then.
Cheerio~

Back to norm

Woke up today feeling as though i had never left this place. Had a good 14 hours sleep. Just what i needed. Music fills the empty spaces in my room and i feel so much at peace. Recalling the reasons why i love it over here. No obligations, nothing to hold me down, no responsibility towards others. Just myself and my freedom. doing the things i love without any regards to anyone.

gotta love this life.

Here i am.. again..

walking into my dingy, small small, pathetic excuse of a room, i can't help but be overwhelmed by sorrow and probably slight depression. i guess it'll take some getting used to. couldn't help but feel a bit lonely. haven't felt that way in a long time, and i guess being surrounded by my family these few months, their love have sort of built a cocoon around me and now i feel as thought that's withering away.

i hate it when my thoughts go back to u. it's like that song by air supply, Here i am. Playing with those memories again..

anyway i'm sure this will go away in time. just need a bit of getting used to. arrived ystdy at Domodedova, and reached back at the hostel at 7. My luggage bent my toe while i was carrying it in, and it's swelled up a bit. the night before the luggage caught my toe nail and lifted it up. it bled. ouch. then as i was weighing it, the handle broke. and when i went to Giant to pick up a new one, i slipped on the wet floor and almost twisted my ankle. I had to talk myself down for i was getting furious over the little things and i couldn't concentrate. u know it's one of those things, that once u get pissed off, somehow everything else that day would go wrong as well. deep breaths and counting numbers help. patience gets u a long way. T my depressed little brazilian friend has found a new girlfriend. happy for her, she seemed so down these past few months being in a new place and all. plus her ex was a bitch. i'm glad that she's with someone.

trauma class today was interesting. it's only my first class and already i'm finding difficulties. fyi, everything's in russian. yep. all my classes and lectures are conducted in russian. i want so much to learn and absorb everything that i can, but this whole language barrier thing is killing me. arghhh.. plus i tried copyin notes from the russian girl sittin in front of me, but i think she didnt quite like that cos she changed her angle so i couldnt see it. =/ or maybe i'm just thinking too much.

i hate the beginning of the semesters.. sitting down on my table calculating my finances. paying extra for tuition fees, hostel fees, internet, groceries, my damn washing machine has given up on us, my transportation.. calculating the rates, my savings for my trips, count and count and count.. blarghh..

my room's still in a mess. i haven't fully unpacked from ystdy. yet i find the time to blog.. hmm.. my toe's still swollen today.. i have to go change my usd to pay my fees soon. mum's not online.. i don't have any money to eat. ahh bank in money plss.. where are u.. i shall just shed all this gained pounds during this course of starvation.

i think i have to recollect my senses and be aware of the freedom that i have being here. it's just that i feel like i'm so far away from the people that i love.

(*pokes toe* .. hmm why la still swollen)

okay i'm being very random now so i suppose i should keep myself busy doing something.. i feel like sleeping.. unpack!! ahhhh

Doh!.. *blinks twice and :D

upon logging in to my blog i feel as if i've reunited with an old friend. sorry for abandoning you for so long. what can i say. been busy. and everytime i come across something i think is worth writing about, i think of u, but then everything is forgotten again when something else comes along which is every other day. i never found the time to laze around, or to be bored. i'm either always out with my friends, walking about alone getting necessary items, or pigging out with my family. seeing as how i wont be coming home next summer, i'm making sure that i eat 2 years worth of pure, authentic malaysian food. no worrying about the pounds. that can easily be shed in moscow. no need to make salad or greens as the main course ( they wont even have grass during the 6 month of winter anyway). we'll just eat snow aite. (word of advice though, don't eat yellow snow.. hyuck hyuck).

Trying to recall what i've been doing the last couple of weeks. Can't seem to put everything in order. Time has been sitting on a rocket circling the earth over and over again. Seems like everything has been fast forwarded ( if they went in the other direction could we rewind time?)
So much has happened, i wish i could remember all of it now. Feel the need to jot down everything ( for my own sake). Been so absent minded and forgetful these few days it's amazing i managed to stay alive this long. My level of blurness has increased tremendously that most of the time, i'm not aware of what's going on around me. Which is amusing to my sisters, so i just humour them. Plus it's a great excuse to get away with work and to avoid conversations which i do not care for. and amazingly i've actually gained more patience (who knew that was possible) and tolerance for others.

( i should make slogans.. 'Blurness is the best way of life', 'Live Life Blur!', 'Remain blur, remain married', Take the Hell out of Healthy, Stay Blur!' *winks and flashes Colgate smile)

HAHAHA.. (self amused)

errr...

*realises that topic sudah lari*

errrr.. hmmm... ........ :D

looks like i wont be updating on past events as my head has already sunken so deep into the table it's becoming part of it (sleepy). I can't recollect everything anyway. oh but as of monday onwards, i would officially be 25% wisdomless. aaaaaaaaa..

:( help..

i wish, i hope, i pray..

sometimes i wish people's promises are for real. most of the time i wish if you knew you couldn't see to the promise you wouldn't have made it. i wish people would just say what they were thinking of, or what they really meant instead of pretending to be nice. you make a mark of your impression but never filling it. i wish there were certain things in life, you never have to learn the hard way. i wish if we did, that there would be some happiness to counter the sad ones. i wish i could peep into the future just to see where it takes me, instead of being in the dark about it. i think life is a mystery enough, and at some point, i really wanna take hold of the reins instead of letting it go out of control. i wish i didnt have to sleep now but i do.

i hope tmr is not boring

i pray that i will one day get answers..

i wish, i hope, i pray..

i'm invisible...

back from trip.

have to continue practicals again tmr for the next two weeks. hoping there would be more different cases each day if not i'll be sitting around the benches again getting shooed from one place to another. the nurses can be a bitch. yea you're more senior than us for now, that doesnt give you the right to treat us with any less respect. when kicked out of their resting room, we asked permission to sit in the patient's waiting hall by the doctors which they then locked. we get stares from sitting in the canteen. where else are we to go. sit by the damn longkang? finally got pally with the indian guards, and they showed us a quiet little garden way back of the hospital where we could relax.

practicals can get a bit boring towards midday. by then most of us find ourselves patient-less, sleepy, and tired from standing up the whole morning. what a way to spend the summer holidays.

the trip was good. though i have to admit my mornings were usually off. i never wake up feeling myself and my thoughts are usually else where. silence and a smile gets me through those times, come afternoon i'm usually much better. didn't buy much this time around. was looking for more formal clothes but couldn't find any good ones.


did stumble upon this shirt though. found it hard to resist putting it up here.

don he look juz like me..

have to start jogging again. my hours for my morning jog has been taken over by attachments.. and by the time i come back, i'm usually too exhausted. still, there's that discontented feeling if i dont exercise. plus i think my arm muscles are getting muscular atrophy. i kept on lifting weights the past months that when i came back, most of my sleeves were tight.. and i thought my shirt shrank.. hmm.. could prolly fit into them now.

highlight of the trip: went into a shop, and after walking down 3 aisles i realised there was a girl following me. which was kinda freaky because she kept standing so close. i didn't bother looking at her, instead i rushed down each aisle hoping to get rid of her. when i found my sister, i whispered, "i don't know why that girl keeps on following me". my sis looks up and whispers back, "she's not a she". I turned around, and bladdee hell this muscular woman was smiling at me. Flattered, but no thanks.. She was pretty though. Kinda reminded me of Dil in The Crying Game.

right, have to get up early tmr. haven't the chance to sleep in till noon since i've been back from Moscow. and all i wanted was a good rest after my semester.

~darn

insane(2)

still a bit confused.. still a bit blur.

i accidentally used my sister's toothbrush just now.. didnt even realise it was the wrong one till midway. =/

went jogging in morning. had a good run in the rain. had managed to finish off editing and putting together song's for mum's training. took me a whole damn week to do that, cos mum keeps changing songs she wants and the time limit. yet to choreograph all of the moves. in the process of it. looking forward to teaching a bunch of old man dance grease lightning by myself too.

haven't had the time to take lessons for driving all these years. dad has suddenly decided that i should start now, when last year he was against it -_- tried driving around my area so far, and i must said i'm pretty good despite never having taken lessons. inexperienced yes, but i'm good babeh.. huhhu . watever

practicals starts next monday. planning to do it for 2 weeks at the most. then i'll be running away. holidays this time around is too short. too many things to do so little time. but i guess it's best to keep myself busy.

time to think of moves for my dance..

need to also reformat mum's laptop to use as my own. feel like it's just the worst year ever. hard to believe in anything anymore, what with the fire, with deaths, bad health, financial problems, studies, and youknowwhats, etc.. somehow it's taken alot out of me. i feel like i have lost the essence of life. and sometimes right when you need someone to talk to, they all turn a blind eye towards you and run away. there are so few you can trust, even fewer you can open up to.

fed up of history repeating itself. there's only so much you can take. so many people that can step on you before you finally say, no more.. no more..

but i'm a fool .. a damn fool.. so i can bet you this will happen again.

so naive..

Lord only knows how much i miss you.

I'm not sad..

but i miss you..

4..

more days...

it's almost 1am

i'm staring at my laptop screen, and i'm utterly bored outta my mind..

i know i'm suppose to be studying...

but suppose to.. is a very general term..

"i'm suppose to.. as in.. instead of"

i'm tired.. of looking at books, at pages, at words...

that's it.. i'm eloping to a place, an island, under the sea, or somewhere over the rainbow, or somewhere deep in the jungle where no one reads. and all they do is shake their coconut/seashell bras and their tail feathers/fins and sing in a chorus with surrounding animals. The only thing we would have to worry about is when a carnivor larger than us chases us.

It's times like this, that i wish i was Nobita.

Doraemon.. hellllppp

*digs pocket and pulls out*

pintu suka hati!

and nobita always goes ~ Waaaaaaa
(it's funny how i actually learnt most of my Malay from reading this comic)

6 more days..

Last exam...

last day here...

just one more, baby..

one moreeee..