exams are just around the corner. havent burst out into my full study mode yet. not feeling stressed, nor pressured thus i have no motivation which kinda blows. plus C and Her have been coming over every night to "study". We basically just end up talking or playing which kinda distracts me from studying and im slightly stressed bout that. Oh why don't they give us more free days to study for exams.
On a different note. I went to class yesterday wearing a turtle neck because of an unconcealable hickey i got from Her. It was too high up to cover it with a plain collar tshirt, and seeing as how my brain doesnt really work in the mornings, i just decided to stick with the turtle neck instead of opting for something else or some remedy. The day went on fine, thinking i had done so brilliantly well on hiding this post neck sucking effect till i got home and got a message from H saying, 'hey i think i found a code name for ur girl. We'll just call her HC for hickey chick.. *hint hint* '
Aww crap. H stays with a A, a groupmate of mine. None of my groupmates here btw are aware of this side of me, cept for my roomate of course. So when H told me that A knew bout it, means the other 2 girls in my group knew bout it. H called me up to her room to share her new found info.
'LIKE HELL im gonna go to ur room now, since A would be there. Im too embarrassed'
'La, she's gone off somewhere. Don't be such a girl and come up la'
I was slightly hesitant knowing that A might return to the room at any moment, but i needed to know the extent of their conversation. I barely got to questioning her bout what A had said, when she started bombarding me with questions instead.
"Oo, so did u grope her? What are u guys now? Are u like in lurveeeeee with her? Why have a hickey unless you're ready to show it to everyone? OOo are u ready for that yet?"
With that and her being distracted by IMs in between, she took up all the alone time we had because suddenly i heard keys jiggling outside her door and crap i knew that was the return of A. @@ I shot up standing, ready to leave while H whines on about not finishing her story, flashing me a smug look at the same time. She has a damn talent for that. I turned around to see A giving me a knowing look/smile, i panicked, bid farewell and bolted out the door.
Upon returning to my room i saw an IM from A asking if i was there. LOL what could she possibly want to say i wonder. My mind is just laughing it's head off.
'Okay, that was weird. So to rid of any weirdness in the future. I just want you to know, that i know and i'm okay with it. So chill la. And im happy for you =) '
Waaaaaaaaa.. I'm having multiple, so many different emotions from that one IM of hers. Freaking out that she knows, Ecstatic that she's okay with it, and bladdy damn Shy for her being happy for me.
"Omggg. Don't la, i damn malu d"
"Haha, i bet you're blushing over there"
"Hm actually yea, anyway how did you guys find out and what did the other two say? Are they freaking out?"
"N saw, and she told both of us. They weren't freaking out, but they were more curious than anything else, trying to figure out who it is. They came up with prediction that 90% confirmation that the hickey was from a girl and 10% from a guy"
Wow.. 90% hurh. And i kinda thought that they were in denial bout the whole thing. I knew they had conversations bout me before. But i always thought they constantly brushed off the idea that i was gay. Anyway i'm happy enough, that A didn't say anything to them. She said it wasn't her place to do so and i've officially put her on the top of my list of people to love <3 ^^
Im starting to not care what people might say/talk around here anymore. I don't know why. What was i worried about before? That i might get shunned? Perhaps. But i suddenly have faith that the people i care about and trust, would never do that to me. I mean, the people whom i've opened up to are still around and perhaps that's more that i'll ever need here. We shall see how this goes. It's a small Malaysian community here, in this hostel. I just don't like being put on a spotlight like that and be the topic of people's conversations. Praying that everything would go about smoothly.
Showing posts with label studies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label studies. Show all posts
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Giving in to temptation is not defeat, it's indulgence.
No idea how i came to think that. But it does suit the situation.
I've finally decided to do my exam on a later date. Wise choice? NO IDEA. No matter how relieve i feel after making that decision, i can't help but have my guilty conscience keep kicking me in the rear. I"m not the sort of person who would pend an exam. Perhaps it was the effect of failing for the very first time last semester. Somehow failing an exam in a medical course isn't as horrifying as other courses ( i suppose ) You simply, retake the paper, no questions asked, no hassle, and no one judges you. But still, that unfamiliar feeling overwhelmed me when i failed Pathology Anatomy last year. Worse part was, i didnt even want to do the exam then. I had to literally force it all in, sighing and moaning and grumbling after reading every third question. After that experience, deciding not to take the exam this time around was much easier. Of course, being that and the fact that i have devils as friends. One by one, everyone starting dropping out, sinking, and puling me down with them. My room became a hot spot for people who weren't doing the exam on time. It became a place to eat and drink, and sing and shisha all night long. I'm not proud of this. In fact, i had the pleasure of being warned by my blockmates to keep it down. They said they've been tolerating me since christmas. Aaaahhh... out of all the things i hate being intolerable.. i mean.. I really dont wanna have to be tolerated. I'm not that sort of person who you would have to put up with, i'm the type you Wanna live with. Is it my fault for not knowing how to put on a stern face and kick people out of my room. Yes, there are times when people overstay their welcome and all you do is just sit and ignore them and they still don't get the hint and leave.
So here i am, sitting in my room, alone with the silence, enjoying the peace. I've been on downloading frenzy the last couple of days. There are just too many good movies out there. Recent watch would be Dorian Gray. Absolutely delightful watch. I've read the book when i was younger. Always pictured what i'd be like if it were made into a movie. Though as i watched the movie seemed perfectly clear to me. Story line and all, my friends however didn't quite grasp it all. For those who have not read the book, it would seem a bit abrupt in certain places. Main plot is well fitted in, but the bits and pieces in between seem to have been thrown in like dashes of salt added to a meal , a little bit here and there. This is only one man's opinion of course.
"You have the only two things worth having, Mr. Gray. Youth and beauty."
The blind side. Another movie worth watching. To me, it's a perfect blend of humour, and warmth. (no idea if that made sense to u) Though it portrayed only the perfection of the family, and the society, you can't help but think of it as a fairy tale or dream come true. Best part is, it is. A good movie to watch on a Saturday night, snuggling in close with your family, fighting for the pillows. A movie that leaves you smiling at the end.
"Are you goin to protect the family, Michael?"
Next up on my list of movies to watch, are Time traveller's wife and Lovely bones. Regret never having read both books but i'm sure i'll enjoy both movies immensely. Well, there's really not much sense in worrying and feeling guilty for not sitting for my exam. Might as well make most of the time i have.
As i quote Lord Henry in 'Dorian Gray' - "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing"
Indeed Lord Henry, Indeed..
I've finally decided to do my exam on a later date. Wise choice? NO IDEA. No matter how relieve i feel after making that decision, i can't help but have my guilty conscience keep kicking me in the rear. I"m not the sort of person who would pend an exam. Perhaps it was the effect of failing for the very first time last semester. Somehow failing an exam in a medical course isn't as horrifying as other courses ( i suppose ) You simply, retake the paper, no questions asked, no hassle, and no one judges you. But still, that unfamiliar feeling overwhelmed me when i failed Pathology Anatomy last year. Worse part was, i didnt even want to do the exam then. I had to literally force it all in, sighing and moaning and grumbling after reading every third question. After that experience, deciding not to take the exam this time around was much easier. Of course, being that and the fact that i have devils as friends. One by one, everyone starting dropping out, sinking, and puling me down with them. My room became a hot spot for people who weren't doing the exam on time. It became a place to eat and drink, and sing and shisha all night long. I'm not proud of this. In fact, i had the pleasure of being warned by my blockmates to keep it down. They said they've been tolerating me since christmas. Aaaahhh... out of all the things i hate being intolerable.. i mean.. I really dont wanna have to be tolerated. I'm not that sort of person who you would have to put up with, i'm the type you Wanna live with. Is it my fault for not knowing how to put on a stern face and kick people out of my room. Yes, there are times when people overstay their welcome and all you do is just sit and ignore them and they still don't get the hint and leave.
So here i am, sitting in my room, alone with the silence, enjoying the peace. I've been on downloading frenzy the last couple of days. There are just too many good movies out there. Recent watch would be Dorian Gray. Absolutely delightful watch. I've read the book when i was younger. Always pictured what i'd be like if it were made into a movie. Though as i watched the movie seemed perfectly clear to me. Story line and all, my friends however didn't quite grasp it all. For those who have not read the book, it would seem a bit abrupt in certain places. Main plot is well fitted in, but the bits and pieces in between seem to have been thrown in like dashes of salt added to a meal , a little bit here and there. This is only one man's opinion of course.
"You have the only two things worth having, Mr. Gray. Youth and beauty."
The blind side. Another movie worth watching. To me, it's a perfect blend of humour, and warmth. (no idea if that made sense to u) Though it portrayed only the perfection of the family, and the society, you can't help but think of it as a fairy tale or dream come true. Best part is, it is. A good movie to watch on a Saturday night, snuggling in close with your family, fighting for the pillows. A movie that leaves you smiling at the end.
"Are you goin to protect the family, Michael?"As i quote Lord Henry in 'Dorian Gray' - "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing"
Indeed Lord Henry, Indeed..
Monday, January 4, 2010
Impending doom..
Days left to exam = 8
Progress so far = 15%
I should just shoot myself ..
--------------
Between right about this time, and the day before any exam, God receives crap loads of messages. All asking the same thing.. Please help me pass my exam. I don't care what i get, as long as i pass. I'll promise to give up.. "...." (whatever it is).
There's a joke i heard though, that i wished was true.
There were 3 hostels in a campus. 3 days before finals, God sent an angel to inspect the students. Students in hostel 1 were studying, students in hostel 2 were studying as well, but the students in hostel 3 were drinking and partying away. The angel reported back, and repeated the inspection the next day. The same thing was going on. Students in hostel 1 and 2 were busy burning the midnight oil and burying their faces in books, while the students in the hostel 3 were getting wasted. Now on the night before the finals, God sent his angel to inspect the students for the last time, He needed to reconfirm on who deserved his blessings more. The angel looked into hostel 1 and 2. They were all studying, as to no surprise. But when the angel came to hostel 3, he was shocked to see all of the students, on their knees. Praying to God.. The angel reported back. The next day, everyone from hostel 3 passed with flying colours. God shrugged and said, well, 'They were the ones who took the time to pray'.
Hahahaha.
Yea i know it's kind of a stupid joke, but i kinda like the ending to it :P
--------
Not really in the mood of studying, partly because of my bad neck ache i've been having since the new year. Not a good start. Slept in an extremely distorted position and now i can't turn to the left at all. I feel the tension in my left shoulder all the time, as if there's pressure on it. Sort of reminds me of that movie, Shutter. (which i now regret mentioning >.< ) Should get back to studying then. Feeling the guilt today as i blew off studying yesterday to seek motivation from others, only to end up drinking till 6am. Aiyayai...
Whatever will we do with you, key..
Progress so far = 15%
I should just shoot myself ..
--------------
Between right about this time, and the day before any exam, God receives crap loads of messages. All asking the same thing.. Please help me pass my exam. I don't care what i get, as long as i pass. I'll promise to give up.. "...." (whatever it is).
There's a joke i heard though, that i wished was true.
There were 3 hostels in a campus. 3 days before finals, God sent an angel to inspect the students. Students in hostel 1 were studying, students in hostel 2 were studying as well, but the students in hostel 3 were drinking and partying away. The angel reported back, and repeated the inspection the next day. The same thing was going on. Students in hostel 1 and 2 were busy burning the midnight oil and burying their faces in books, while the students in the hostel 3 were getting wasted. Now on the night before the finals, God sent his angel to inspect the students for the last time, He needed to reconfirm on who deserved his blessings more. The angel looked into hostel 1 and 2. They were all studying, as to no surprise. But when the angel came to hostel 3, he was shocked to see all of the students, on their knees. Praying to God.. The angel reported back. The next day, everyone from hostel 3 passed with flying colours. God shrugged and said, well, 'They were the ones who took the time to pray'.
Hahahaha.
Yea i know it's kind of a stupid joke, but i kinda like the ending to it :P
--------
Not really in the mood of studying, partly because of my bad neck ache i've been having since the new year. Not a good start. Slept in an extremely distorted position and now i can't turn to the left at all. I feel the tension in my left shoulder all the time, as if there's pressure on it. Sort of reminds me of that movie, Shutter. (which i now regret mentioning >.< ) Should get back to studying then. Feeling the guilt today as i blew off studying yesterday to seek motivation from others, only to end up drinking till 6am. Aiyayai...
Whatever will we do with you, key..
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Merry belated Xmas..
There are people playing fireworks outside my hostel, and i'm wondering what occasion is coming up. Yeah. New year.
I forgot. -_-
Well Christmas this year was more or less dull. Hostel was quiet throughout the celebration. Wish i could say i had a blast, but the only thing blasting off was my head. Spent the entire eve of Christmas writing case history which was due the next day. Yes, i know, i should have started earlier. Never having to do a handwritten report (as previous cycles allowed us to type/print) didn't make me any wiser as to what i was suppose to expect. So, to sum up, i spend 8 hours.... writing... non stop.. continuously... with minimal toilet breaks and extra breathers and the worst of it all, no sleep. Mind you, i started only at 12 am. *cheers and applauds and pats on the back for me, before slapping me silly and shaking me vigorously* Headed on straight to class right after my last inked dot on the paper. I could have made a record on places i was sleeping at along the way. In the metro, on the bus, while waiting for the bus... while waiting for the metro.. while waiting for teacher to enter the class.. While teacher was In class.. While she was giving her lecture.. While she was marking my report.. While walking back from class.. and when i reached my room, i slept for 2 hours before having to go for a Christmas gathering... and then i came home and slept only at 5am. Something is wrong with me.. @@
The best part yet.. while i was in class i noticed something on my finger. My arm had been aching the whole day from the writing. I had to leave it dead weight by my side the entire way to class so i wouldn't feel the pain. Sitting in the classroom, i felt this annoying pain on my ring finger. I looked at it, and stared at it in awe and shock and in amusement, because i have never known or heard of anyone writing till their finger got bruised. Yea, it was blue and black. I sat there, trying to recall if i had in anyway or anytime banged it against something sharp. Nope. It was from writing. I swore, everytime i touched a pen after that, i felt like committing suicide. Blergh.
Well that's Xmas for you. Merry Christmas.
I wished everyone else late anyway. Christmas came and went and i am still here. Holding my pen. Trying to study for my exam.
I swear i'm gonna go crazy for New Year just to make up for this.
I forgot. -_-
Well Christmas this year was more or less dull. Hostel was quiet throughout the celebration. Wish i could say i had a blast, but the only thing blasting off was my head. Spent the entire eve of Christmas writing case history which was due the next day. Yes, i know, i should have started earlier. Never having to do a handwritten report (as previous cycles allowed us to type/print) didn't make me any wiser as to what i was suppose to expect. So, to sum up, i spend 8 hours.... writing... non stop.. continuously... with minimal toilet breaks and extra breathers and the worst of it all, no sleep. Mind you, i started only at 12 am. *cheers and applauds and pats on the back for me, before slapping me silly and shaking me vigorously* Headed on straight to class right after my last inked dot on the paper. I could have made a record on places i was sleeping at along the way. In the metro, on the bus, while waiting for the bus... while waiting for the metro.. while waiting for teacher to enter the class.. While teacher was In class.. While she was giving her lecture.. While she was marking my report.. While walking back from class.. and when i reached my room, i slept for 2 hours before having to go for a Christmas gathering... and then i came home and slept only at 5am. Something is wrong with me.. @@
The best part yet.. while i was in class i noticed something on my finger. My arm had been aching the whole day from the writing. I had to leave it dead weight by my side the entire way to class so i wouldn't feel the pain. Sitting in the classroom, i felt this annoying pain on my ring finger. I looked at it, and stared at it in awe and shock and in amusement, because i have never known or heard of anyone writing till their finger got bruised. Yea, it was blue and black. I sat there, trying to recall if i had in anyway or anytime banged it against something sharp. Nope. It was from writing. I swore, everytime i touched a pen after that, i felt like committing suicide. Blergh.
Well that's Xmas for you. Merry Christmas.
I wished everyone else late anyway. Christmas came and went and i am still here. Holding my pen. Trying to study for my exam.
I swear i'm gonna go crazy for New Year just to make up for this.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Yule go crazy..
I just realised, that i've been out of my room alot. Starting to fall sick, so decided to stay in for the weekend. It's Sunday evening, and already i feel like i'm spiraling into another dimension. I'm so used to being out of the room at least a couple of hours everyday and with winter here, everyone's just hibernating. Looking forward to class tomorrow. Need to get out and about.
---------------
I've been craving for Alfredo's pasta for way too long. Since no one wanted to follow me to Il Patio's or any other italian restaurant for it, i decided to make it myself. Simplest recipe ever. Of course, consisting of only the fattiest components in the world - Butter, Cheese and Heavy Cream. Yay! Made a huge batch of it, and gulped it all down, bowl after bowl, strand after strand, stopping only to take a huge chunk of my garlic bread which was also smothered in butter. Muahahaha.
Of course, the after effects, made me regret not taking it in slow. I had a bad case of indigestion. And to make matters worse, i decided to watch Cloudy with a chance of meatballs and the amount of food flying everywhere towards the end of the movie made my stomach churned. I swore I'd never make it again anytime soon. Well, it's only been a week, and already i'm craving for it again. Yes, I LOVE PASTA! Thinking about putting in bacon this time. Mmm wouldn't that be lovely..
--------------
Christmas is just around the corner, coinciding with the last day of my classes. Russians don't celebrate christmas on the 25th so we won't be getting any holidays. Come to think of it, i haven't been getting many days off this year. Well doctors don't get days off and they rarely call in sick, whereas teachers at the university do that all the time. Damn, I'm starting to worry about when i have to start working. Which reminds me, it's time for me to study. Exam's in 22 days! Not really feeling stressed yet, and i need it to give me a jump start.
YIKES!
---------------
I've been craving for Alfredo's pasta for way too long. Since no one wanted to follow me to Il Patio's or any other italian restaurant for it, i decided to make it myself. Simplest recipe ever. Of course, consisting of only the fattiest components in the world - Butter, Cheese and Heavy Cream. Yay! Made a huge batch of it, and gulped it all down, bowl after bowl, strand after strand, stopping only to take a huge chunk of my garlic bread which was also smothered in butter. Muahahaha.
Of course, the after effects, made me regret not taking it in slow. I had a bad case of indigestion. And to make matters worse, i decided to watch Cloudy with a chance of meatballs and the amount of food flying everywhere towards the end of the movie made my stomach churned. I swore I'd never make it again anytime soon. Well, it's only been a week, and already i'm craving for it again. Yes, I LOVE PASTA! Thinking about putting in bacon this time. Mmm wouldn't that be lovely..
--------------
Christmas is just around the corner, coinciding with the last day of my classes. Russians don't celebrate christmas on the 25th so we won't be getting any holidays. Come to think of it, i haven't been getting many days off this year. Well doctors don't get days off and they rarely call in sick, whereas teachers at the university do that all the time. Damn, I'm starting to worry about when i have to start working. Which reminds me, it's time for me to study. Exam's in 22 days! Not really feeling stressed yet, and i need it to give me a jump start.
YIKES!Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Yummy :)
-----------------
I want to play.. >=(
-is sulking because i have to study for a pending exam. it's just not right, studying this hard at the beginning of the semester. No one is in the mood, and everything that i'm reading just doesn't make sense or refuses to enter. I feel hungry all the time, and i finally gave in and started cooking. Please, please be over so i can enjoy the days of what's suppose to be a relaxing year.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Here i am.. again..
walking into my dingy, small small, pathetic excuse of a room, i can't help but be overwhelmed by sorrow and probably slight depression. i guess it'll take some getting used to. couldn't help but feel a bit lonely. haven't felt that way in a long time, and i guess being surrounded by my family these few months, their love have sort of built a cocoon around me and now i feel as thought that's withering away.
i hate it when my thoughts go back to u. it's like that song by air supply, Here i am. Playing with those memories again..
anyway i'm sure this will go away in time. just need a bit of getting used to. arrived ystdy at Domodedova, and reached back at the hostel at 7. My luggage bent my toe while i was carrying it in, and it's swelled up a bit. the night before the luggage caught my toe nail and lifted it up. it bled. ouch. then as i was weighing it, the handle broke. and when i went to Giant to pick up a new one, i slipped on the wet floor and almost twisted my ankle. I had to talk myself down for i was getting furious over the little things and i couldn't concentrate. u know it's one of those things, that once u get pissed off, somehow everything else that day would go wrong as well. deep breaths and counting numbers help. patience gets u a long way. T my depressed little brazilian friend has found a new girlfriend. happy for her, she seemed so down these past few months being in a new place and all. plus her ex was a bitch. i'm glad that she's with someone.
trauma class today was interesting. it's only my first class and already i'm finding difficulties. fyi, everything's in russian. yep. all my classes and lectures are conducted in russian. i want so much to learn and absorb everything that i can, but this whole language barrier thing is killing me. arghhh.. plus i tried copyin notes from the russian girl sittin in front of me, but i think she didnt quite like that cos she changed her angle so i couldnt see it. =/ or maybe i'm just thinking too much.
i hate the beginning of the semesters.. sitting down on my table calculating my finances. paying extra for tuition fees, hostel fees, internet, groceries, my damn washing machine has given up on us, my transportation.. calculating the rates, my savings for my trips, count and count and count.. blarghh..
my room's still in a mess. i haven't fully unpacked from ystdy. yet i find the time to blog.. hmm.. my toe's still swollen today.. i have to go change my usd to pay my fees soon. mum's not online.. i don't have any money to eat. ahh bank in money plss.. where are u.. i shall just shed all this gained pounds during this course of starvation.
i think i have to recollect my senses and be aware of the freedom that i have being here. it's just that i feel like i'm so far away from the people that i love.
(*pokes toe* .. hmm why la still swollen)
okay i'm being very random now so i suppose i should keep myself busy doing something.. i feel like sleeping.. unpack!! ahhhh
i hate it when my thoughts go back to u. it's like that song by air supply, Here i am. Playing with those memories again..
anyway i'm sure this will go away in time. just need a bit of getting used to. arrived ystdy at Domodedova, and reached back at the hostel at 7. My luggage bent my toe while i was carrying it in, and it's swelled up a bit. the night before the luggage caught my toe nail and lifted it up. it bled. ouch. then as i was weighing it, the handle broke. and when i went to Giant to pick up a new one, i slipped on the wet floor and almost twisted my ankle. I had to talk myself down for i was getting furious over the little things and i couldn't concentrate. u know it's one of those things, that once u get pissed off, somehow everything else that day would go wrong as well. deep breaths and counting numbers help. patience gets u a long way. T my depressed little brazilian friend has found a new girlfriend. happy for her, she seemed so down these past few months being in a new place and all. plus her ex was a bitch. i'm glad that she's with someone.
trauma class today was interesting. it's only my first class and already i'm finding difficulties. fyi, everything's in russian. yep. all my classes and lectures are conducted in russian. i want so much to learn and absorb everything that i can, but this whole language barrier thing is killing me. arghhh.. plus i tried copyin notes from the russian girl sittin in front of me, but i think she didnt quite like that cos she changed her angle so i couldnt see it. =/ or maybe i'm just thinking too much.
i hate the beginning of the semesters.. sitting down on my table calculating my finances. paying extra for tuition fees, hostel fees, internet, groceries, my damn washing machine has given up on us, my transportation.. calculating the rates, my savings for my trips, count and count and count.. blarghh..
my room's still in a mess. i haven't fully unpacked from ystdy. yet i find the time to blog.. hmm.. my toe's still swollen today.. i have to go change my usd to pay my fees soon. mum's not online.. i don't have any money to eat. ahh bank in money plss.. where are u.. i shall just shed all this gained pounds during this course of starvation.
i think i have to recollect my senses and be aware of the freedom that i have being here. it's just that i feel like i'm so far away from the people that i love.
(*pokes toe* .. hmm why la still swollen)
okay i'm being very random now so i suppose i should keep myself busy doing something.. i feel like sleeping.. unpack!! ahhhh
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
let me study
arghhh y can't u let me study.. just let me be...
i know it might be an easy exam.. i still feel the need to study and go prepared.. or at least know something.. stop telling me to take it easy and just relax..
when i've lost my momentum to study and i'm so not in the zone.. u're putting me down on top of that.
patah semangat nk study..
grrrrrr
i know it might be an easy exam.. i still feel the need to study and go prepared.. or at least know something.. stop telling me to take it easy and just relax..
when i've lost my momentum to study and i'm so not in the zone.. u're putting me down on top of that.
patah semangat nk study..
grrrrrr
Monday, June 22, 2009
2 more..
Two more exams before i can finally say what i've been wanting to say for the past few weeks.
Goodbye 3rd year...
I've never been so stressed crazy out of my mind.
Russian exam system is different. Here they have variants of question papers. You get a pick of teachers to do your oral exam with.
Luck, luck..
And it was just my luck, that the variant i had for my previous exam were the 2 damn topics that i had missed out on. There wasn't enough time to read everything. And i conveniently skipped those two topics, praying that i would get ones that i knew well. Ahhh.. On top of that, i got one of the most irritating teachers as my examiner.
She was torturing me for information that i just didn't know.
I did my best, trying to recall what was taught in class and lectures and interconnecting it with other subjects.. aaaaaaaaaaa... honestly, i thought i would have teared there and then. It was just too much, that feeling, being put up there one on one with that women. Trying to answer questions that i wasn't completely sure of.
The only good thing was, out of the 3 questions i had. I knew one of it extremely well. Information that was just at the tip of my fingers and scribbled out everything that i knew filling a whole page.
I got out with only a satisfactory mark. I could have asked for more questions to bump me up, but i was just too drained.
A pass is a pass i guess.. As what is a known fact here, marks don't really account for much.
Goodbye 3rd year...
I've never been so stressed crazy out of my mind.
Russian exam system is different. Here they have variants of question papers. You get a pick of teachers to do your oral exam with.
Luck, luck..
And it was just my luck, that the variant i had for my previous exam were the 2 damn topics that i had missed out on. There wasn't enough time to read everything. And i conveniently skipped those two topics, praying that i would get ones that i knew well. Ahhh.. On top of that, i got one of the most irritating teachers as my examiner.
She was torturing me for information that i just didn't know.
I did my best, trying to recall what was taught in class and lectures and interconnecting it with other subjects.. aaaaaaaaaaa... honestly, i thought i would have teared there and then. It was just too much, that feeling, being put up there one on one with that women. Trying to answer questions that i wasn't completely sure of.
The only good thing was, out of the 3 questions i had. I knew one of it extremely well. Information that was just at the tip of my fingers and scribbled out everything that i knew filling a whole page.
I got out with only a satisfactory mark. I could have asked for more questions to bump me up, but i was just too drained.
A pass is a pass i guess.. As what is a known fact here, marks don't really account for much.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Drink your troubles away/Hate Rush-ia
Well i didnt get to do my Surgery exam on the 1st date, because as luck (in Russia) would have it, (yes, in Russia 80% of the things you do/get depends on luck) when i wanted to get permission to do my exam without getting my last credit, the dean decides to go back early. Ishh.. Had to rethink my whole plan. Another problem is trying to get the permission to sit for my pathology anatomy exam before i get my credit for that subject is somewhat difficult to explain to the dean. My exam is on tuesday. The only time i get to finish off my last test, and get my credit and rush to the dean to get my book chopped so i can sit for the exam is on Monday. And all this has to be done before 6. And my class is at 5. Fucken not possible. Hate rushing. (seems all i do here in russia is just rush around for things). And the bladdy dean can't even understand that all i need the permission for is just so when i sit for the exam without getting my book chopped, is so i can get the marks when i'm done (plus i HATE it when people interrupt me when i'm speaking. Fucken shut up!) Stupid Russian system. My head is spinning around and around trying to figure out what i should do and ways to get around this.
After a quite dissapointing day yesterday, of not being able to catch the dean on time, and thus have no permission to sit for my Surgery exam, i decided to drink. Yes, it's something that i've been wanting to do for sooo long, and seemed like the oppurtune time. One beer, lead to another, and before u know it, 8pm turned to 3 in the morning. And a beer, lead to five. All done while standing in front of the hostel door entrance, a bunch of high, wasted, frustrated medical students who did nothing but speak of studies while cursing the teachers. Yea, we're all gonna get liver cirrhosis. But we didnt care.. We needed the break, or we would have broken.
Been trying to get back into the momentum today, but i feel too damn lazy to start studying. And the only thing i feel like doing is watching cartoons (now watching ratatouille again). Salad fingers.... muahahahaha. Dark themed cartoons really makes me X)
~taa
After a quite dissapointing day yesterday, of not being able to catch the dean on time, and thus have no permission to sit for my Surgery exam, i decided to drink. Yes, it's something that i've been wanting to do for sooo long, and seemed like the oppurtune time. One beer, lead to another, and before u know it, 8pm turned to 3 in the morning. And a beer, lead to five. All done while standing in front of the hostel door entrance, a bunch of high, wasted, frustrated medical students who did nothing but speak of studies while cursing the teachers. Yea, we're all gonna get liver cirrhosis. But we didnt care.. We needed the break, or we would have broken.
Been trying to get back into the momentum today, but i feel too damn lazy to start studying. And the only thing i feel like doing is watching cartoons (now watching ratatouille again). Salad fingers.... muahahahaha. Dark themed cartoons really makes me X)
~taa
Monday, June 1, 2009
One down, 4 more to go...
Muahaha
Russian Exam down..
Shit loads more...
But at least I never have to go for another Russian Lesson again...
Which is not much of a change really, seeing as how my 4th year classes onwards would all be conducted in Russian.
Blahhh..
Next exam up.. Internal Disease...
Die.....
Russian Exam down..
Shit loads more...
But at least I never have to go for another Russian Lesson again...
Which is not much of a change really, seeing as how my 4th year classes onwards would all be conducted in Russian.
Blahhh..
Next exam up.. Internal Disease...
Die.....
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Boy With a Coin
Mesmerizing...
My current favourite song and video clip..
I don't know which pulls me in the most. The haunting music, the beautiful twang of the guitar, Sam Beams soothing voice, the grace of the Spanish dancers with the tap of their shoes and their rhythmic claps and the swaying of those hips ( oh Lord, have mercy on me) or maybe it's just the perfect blend of everything just fitted together meant for your eyes to be fixed on the screen and your ears to be glued to the speakers (unless you're using earphones then u Should just superglue them to your ear canals)
Or maybe it's because I've only had 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night (studying) and i'm kinda stoned staring at everything.. I know i should take the time to get some shut eye now, but if i do, it'll be a waste of my night since it's my one night to rest before i have to bury my face in books again tomorrow.. So till then, i'm going to make the most of whatever few hours i have left..
Can't wait for exams to be over...
PS: Gotta love Spanish dances.. enthralling without a doubt..
My current favourite song and video clip..
I don't know which pulls me in the most. The haunting music, the beautiful twang of the guitar, Sam Beams soothing voice, the grace of the Spanish dancers with the tap of their shoes and their rhythmic claps and the swaying of those hips ( oh Lord, have mercy on me) or maybe it's just the perfect blend of everything just fitted together meant for your eyes to be fixed on the screen and your ears to be glued to the speakers (unless you're using earphones then u Should just superglue them to your ear canals)
Or maybe it's because I've only had 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night (studying) and i'm kinda stoned staring at everything.. I know i should take the time to get some shut eye now, but if i do, it'll be a waste of my night since it's my one night to rest before i have to bury my face in books again tomorrow.. So till then, i'm going to make the most of whatever few hours i have left..
Can't wait for exams to be over...
PS: Gotta love Spanish dances.. enthralling without a doubt..
Sunday, May 24, 2009
side effects of QAF
Ugh...
5 Seasons in 2 weeks..
If it wasn't for the stupid rain, i would have gone out. Instead, I spent the whole of yesterday watching Queer as Folk. 12 hours to precise.. I dont know why i do things like this. My brain feels like mush, my eyes doesnt seem to be in my sockets anymore, and my head is pounding. My pupils can't seem to adjust to lighting.
It's like a bad case of hang over. Overdosed of drugs.. Intoxication from alcohol..
:(
I can't stare at the laptop screen for too long anymore or my brain will automatically reject it, causing reflex on neck muscles so i'd turn away. It's the same when you've spent the whole night drinking, and the sight of a beer bottle the next day would just make you wanna hurl.
Unless her picture is on the label that is.. Rrrr...
-------------------
To compensate yesterday's time wasting marathon, i shall study today. Scouts honor (^_^) Y
Passed my Surgery practical exam on Friday. I have to admit, i expected more from it, but i guess i shouldn't complain. Anyway more worrying coming up ahead with Path.Physiology, Path.Anatomy, Internal Disease, Surgery, and Pharmacology. Die, die, die, die, die.....
-------------------
American Idol!
What would my blog be if i didnt bitch about the finale! The results! The blunder of Americans! (gah, i hv to get my glasses, my eyes are killing me) *ahem.. What were U thinking!? Watching the finale, I was thinking, yeah this is grand. As Allen's mum said, I forgot that this was suppose to be the results (though i did forward through most of the performances). Adam as usual did a superb job. His consistency is never doubtful unlike a Mr. Allen. Seeing as how the announcement of the winner was truly anticlimatic, i would have to say the highlight of the whole damn show was oh-miss-bikini-girl's performance, joined in by Kara Dioguardi (and yes, she strips down to her bikini too :D and no, J. I do not like her just because she's pretty).
Life as we know it, is not over. Though Adam Lambert did not win the competition I suppose it's worse for Kris Allen that he did, seeing as how the internet is filled with blogs and articles saying that he did not deserve it. But when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, it's just another mindless entertainment program. In the mean time, we'll find something else to occupy our time with. That is until the next season comes about, and we'll start the whole cycle again.
^^
~Toodles~
5 Seasons in 2 weeks..
If it wasn't for the stupid rain, i would have gone out. Instead, I spent the whole of yesterday watching Queer as Folk. 12 hours to precise.. I dont know why i do things like this. My brain feels like mush, my eyes doesnt seem to be in my sockets anymore, and my head is pounding. My pupils can't seem to adjust to lighting.
It's like a bad case of hang over. Overdosed of drugs.. Intoxication from alcohol..
:(
I can't stare at the laptop screen for too long anymore or my brain will automatically reject it, causing reflex on neck muscles so i'd turn away. It's the same when you've spent the whole night drinking, and the sight of a beer bottle the next day would just make you wanna hurl.
Unless her picture is on the label that is.. Rrrr...-------------------
To compensate yesterday's time wasting marathon, i shall study today. Scouts honor (^_^) Y
Passed my Surgery practical exam on Friday. I have to admit, i expected more from it, but i guess i shouldn't complain. Anyway more worrying coming up ahead with Path.Physiology, Path.Anatomy, Internal Disease, Surgery, and Pharmacology. Die, die, die, die, die.....
-------------------
American Idol!
What would my blog be if i didnt bitch about the finale! The results! The blunder of Americans! (gah, i hv to get my glasses, my eyes are killing me) *ahem.. What were U thinking!? Watching the finale, I was thinking, yeah this is grand. As Allen's mum said, I forgot that this was suppose to be the results (though i did forward through most of the performances). Adam as usual did a superb job. His consistency is never doubtful unlike a Mr. Allen. Seeing as how the announcement of the winner was truly anticlimatic, i would have to say the highlight of the whole damn show was oh-miss-bikini-girl's performance, joined in by Kara Dioguardi (and yes, she strips down to her bikini too :D and no, J. I do not like her just because she's pretty).
Life as we know it, is not over. Though Adam Lambert did not win the competition I suppose it's worse for Kris Allen that he did, seeing as how the internet is filled with blogs and articles saying that he did not deserve it. But when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, it's just another mindless entertainment program. In the mean time, we'll find something else to occupy our time with. That is until the next season comes about, and we'll start the whole cycle again.
^^
~Toodles~
Monday, May 18, 2009
Exam season..
Been continuously watching Queer As Folk, when i should be studying..
Exam season next month... Shyte..
-----------
Realised i havent been putting in the amount of hours needed for studying. And i mean for the whole semester. Slept for only 4 hours last friday studying for Surgery colloqium and that's when i realised i can't remember the last time i put in that much effort for studies. Didn't get to do the colloq anyway because teacher who has a bladdy PMS prob chased us out.
Gahhhh...
----------
Worrying, worrying..
But not doing anything...
Pray i get through this semester... I really don't want to be one of those people who push their exams to the next year.
Study!! Or i'm fucked..
Exam season next month... Shyte..
-----------
Realised i havent been putting in the amount of hours needed for studying. And i mean for the whole semester. Slept for only 4 hours last friday studying for Surgery colloqium and that's when i realised i can't remember the last time i put in that much effort for studies. Didn't get to do the colloq anyway because teacher who has a bladdy PMS prob chased us out.
Gahhhh...
----------
Worrying, worrying..
But not doing anything...
Pray i get through this semester... I really don't want to be one of those people who push their exams to the next year.
Study!! Or i'm fucked..
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Pat.Anat , OPX
Skipped pathology anatomy class today. Indirectly. Or not.. Hmm.. how shall i correctly phrase this.. I purposely forgot to set the alarm. Left it up to faith. Told myself if i could wake up in time for class without the help of anything other than my biological clock then it was meant to be. Hehe.
Nyea, don't judge me. The class doesnt do much for me anyway. It's all mainly self studying and seeing slides through the microscopes, which the other group takes pictures of.
*cackling sounds from the radio being tuned*
Weather news report.. A bright yellow light from the center of the sky seems to be emitting heat waves and UV rays causing Moscovites to shade their extra layers. It's funny how just last week it was still gloomy and snowing, and now there's not a dark corner to be found. Went jogging on Sunday. Felt so good to finally sweat. I was beginning to wonder if my apocrine glands were malfunctioning.
Anyway since I skipped Pat.Anat class, I took the liberty of translating my OPX book (pronounced Oo-Peh-Kha, Russian abbreviation for Operative Surgery). This is the first subject (besides Russian class of course) that requires us learning in Russian. I tell you, I don't understand a damn thing. What's worse than that is, my teacher is more of the yappy theoratical kind instead of the show and tell kind. He just sits there, making finger motions around his other fingers and we all just stare at him @@, pretending to be listening intently, nodding (mainly off to sleep) and giving him a "DA" everyonce a while. It's pure torture.. Every class i atempt to give him my full span attention and soak in every ounce of knowledge but i usually fail after 10 minutes.. Self study.. No other option..
It is in this very class that i learnt to sleep with my eyes open.
X)
Well, headed off to class now.. Wish me luck..
Cheers~
Nyea, don't judge me. The class doesnt do much for me anyway. It's all mainly self studying and seeing slides through the microscopes, which the other group takes pictures of.
*cackling sounds from the radio being tuned*
Weather news report.. A bright yellow light from the center of the sky seems to be emitting heat waves and UV rays causing Moscovites to shade their extra layers. It's funny how just last week it was still gloomy and snowing, and now there's not a dark corner to be found. Went jogging on Sunday. Felt so good to finally sweat. I was beginning to wonder if my apocrine glands were malfunctioning.
Anyway since I skipped Pat.Anat class, I took the liberty of translating my OPX book (pronounced Oo-Peh-Kha, Russian abbreviation for Operative Surgery). This is the first subject (besides Russian class of course) that requires us learning in Russian. I tell you, I don't understand a damn thing. What's worse than that is, my teacher is more of the yappy theoratical kind instead of the show and tell kind. He just sits there, making finger motions around his other fingers and we all just stare at him @@, pretending to be listening intently, nodding (mainly off to sleep) and giving him a "DA" everyonce a while. It's pure torture.. Every class i atempt to give him my full span attention and soak in every ounce of knowledge but i usually fail after 10 minutes.. Self study.. No other option..
It is in this very class that i learnt to sleep with my eyes open.
X)
Well, headed off to class now.. Wish me luck..
Cheers~
Monday, February 16, 2009
I am...
and I can.. be.. ANYTHING...
haha..
One reason why i Love being overseas.. the independence..
The door on my lock recently went bonkers. I usually believe everything is repairable till proven otherwise. And after getting locked in (thankfully with tools, because I checked, and my food supply was at a minimal @@) i went off to buy a new lock. Well, I thought fixing it would be easy, but after dismantling the old one, i realised that the lock on my door was so old that the key hole is upside down. Yay yay, a reason to use the drill.. (yeah i feel so macho, lol) After putting in the new lock and admiring my work, i couldn't help but feel satisfied. I don't know if anyone else feels like that, but i enjoy these little DIY projects. This week alone, I've already put up mirrors (not just a matter of hanging it okay! These needed screwing and hammering and stuff lol), and I've made a place to hang my formal clothes, instead of squashing them in between my jackets.
-------------------
Classes this week weren't so bad. Of course, it was only the first week. But no doubt tiring, by Friday I was already falling asleep in my classes. Travelling from hospital to hospital, walking in the snow.. is gruelling.. I kinda hate going classes because i tend to spend more money for food. If i sit in my room, i don't use up so much energy hence eating less. Trying to save up for Turkey this spring. Since I didn't get to sit on a camel and sing 'My Humps' (which was the only reason I wanted to go Egypt) , I've been more determined to make this trip. My uncle (not really blood related, just a person who comes to my house, yaks and demands for cold beer) has offered his place which has a swimming pool, and is walking distance to a beach. My parents, wanting to test his sincerity has asked me to go ahead with the trip. Wee.. I don't have to spend much there. I don't mind surviving on instant noodles alone. But drinking beer on the beach is a must for me. Ahhh... Anyone interested to join me? haha.. Let me know ;) don't care if you're a damn stranger.. The more the sexier.... Yes, I am lame.. :P
haha..
One reason why i Love being overseas.. the independence..
The door on my lock recently went bonkers. I usually believe everything is repairable till proven otherwise. And after getting locked in (thankfully with tools, because I checked, and my food supply was at a minimal @@) i went off to buy a new lock. Well, I thought fixing it would be easy, but after dismantling the old one, i realised that the lock on my door was so old that the key hole is upside down. Yay yay, a reason to use the drill.. (yeah i feel so macho, lol) After putting in the new lock and admiring my work, i couldn't help but feel satisfied. I don't know if anyone else feels like that, but i enjoy these little DIY projects. This week alone, I've already put up mirrors (not just a matter of hanging it okay! These needed screwing and hammering and stuff lol), and I've made a place to hang my formal clothes, instead of squashing them in between my jackets.
-------------------
Classes this week weren't so bad. Of course, it was only the first week. But no doubt tiring, by Friday I was already falling asleep in my classes. Travelling from hospital to hospital, walking in the snow.. is gruelling.. I kinda hate going classes because i tend to spend more money for food. If i sit in my room, i don't use up so much energy hence eating less. Trying to save up for Turkey this spring. Since I didn't get to sit on a camel and sing 'My Humps' (which was the only reason I wanted to go Egypt) , I've been more determined to make this trip. My uncle (not really blood related, just a person who comes to my house, yaks and demands for cold beer) has offered his place which has a swimming pool, and is walking distance to a beach. My parents, wanting to test his sincerity has asked me to go ahead with the trip. Wee.. I don't have to spend much there. I don't mind surviving on instant noodles alone. But drinking beer on the beach is a must for me. Ahhh... Anyone interested to join me? haha.. Let me know ;) don't care if you're a damn stranger.. The more the sexier.... Yes, I am lame.. :P
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Xmas from Moscow
Merry Christmas to all... from Moscow..
Sleepy.. Tired..
Hygiene exam was today... shall enlighten you on the idiocracy of that subject when I'm well rested.
I'm usually a master when it comes to sleeping, but this week has been hell for me. It usually takes me 3 hours before I manage to fall asleep, and by then it's already time to get up. And I hate that period before falling asleep when all sort of thoughts enter my mind. Past, Present, conversations, imaginations, memories... all jumbled up...
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
K i'm falling asleep as I write this. I'll take it as a good sign. Perhaps I might just fall right asleep this time.
GTG!
Sleepy.. Tired..
Hygiene exam was today... shall enlighten you on the idiocracy of that subject when I'm well rested.
I'm usually a master when it comes to sleeping, but this week has been hell for me. It usually takes me 3 hours before I manage to fall asleep, and by then it's already time to get up. And I hate that period before falling asleep when all sort of thoughts enter my mind. Past, Present, conversations, imaginations, memories... all jumbled up...
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
K i'm falling asleep as I write this. I'll take it as a good sign. Perhaps I might just fall right asleep this time.
GTG!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Moles..
Ever heard that each mole that you have on you, is most likely to be significant. A mole at any ear lobe signifies intelligence. One near your eye would mean you have insight to certain things or whatnot etc. Well I have one on my lower lip. And no it doesnt mean i'm gabby. Far from it actually.. Hm.. only at certain times i guess.. According to believe, ( i think) as my grandma used to tell me.. I'll never go hungry.
And for that I thank the Lord. ^_^
Me love food... ^0^
I live to eat, not eat to live..
K, sometimes i eat to live.. only sometimes.. ^_^(Y)
And those are the times, when i'm in need of food, and have none around, somehow food magically appears! Very good example would be today.
I usually attend Surgery classes (though it's boring as shit.. i noticed another thing. why is everything compared to shit.. taste like shit, heavy as shit, there's good shit bad shit.. shitty news, quotes like "this is the shit!", "i shit you not!", u can always look like shit, be as angry as shit, smell like shit.. i think shit has lost all meaning.. anyway) after Surgery class, we would have more or less and hour plus to kill before the next class, so we usually head off somewhere to eat. Seeing as how this time around, i skipped Surgery, woke up and late and rushed off to the next class, I didnt have anything to eat.
By the time class was over, my stomach was grumbling thunder, and no one wanted to follow me out to eat because everyone already ate. Dammit. Was too damn lazy to cook, so i ate bread. Well, Lo and Behold, my blockmate who went to the embassy to celebrate Army Day ( in all my life I've never heard of such a thing) came back yelling "I've got foooood for uuuuu!" ^_^ Satay, Kuah Kacang, Murtabak, Currypuff, Fried Rice and Orange Juice. Left overs. *drools*
I have luck when it comes to food. Yey!
This is my form of luck. For others they're in the form of money. My blockmate who's a scholar, gets about 2000RM a month, extra cash for winter clothings, goes to this sort of functions at the embassy (only for scholars) and gets another 20Usd. *faints* If only i was that lucky. =/ I'm thankful anyway, for all that I have. Little things are enough to please me. I guess I was brought up that way. Things that I long for are never material. Sucks though. Sometimes I wished that the things that I wanted could be bought with cash...
=/
And for that I thank the Lord. ^_^
Me love food... ^0^
I live to eat, not eat to live..
K, sometimes i eat to live.. only sometimes.. ^_^(Y)
And those are the times, when i'm in need of food, and have none around, somehow food magically appears! Very good example would be today.
I usually attend Surgery classes (though it's boring as shit.. i noticed another thing. why is everything compared to shit.. taste like shit, heavy as shit, there's good shit bad shit.. shitty news, quotes like "this is the shit!", "i shit you not!", u can always look like shit, be as angry as shit, smell like shit.. i think shit has lost all meaning.. anyway) after Surgery class, we would have more or less and hour plus to kill before the next class, so we usually head off somewhere to eat. Seeing as how this time around, i skipped Surgery, woke up and late and rushed off to the next class, I didnt have anything to eat.
By the time class was over, my stomach was grumbling thunder, and no one wanted to follow me out to eat because everyone already ate. Dammit. Was too damn lazy to cook, so i ate bread. Well, Lo and Behold, my blockmate who went to the embassy to celebrate Army Day ( in all my life I've never heard of such a thing) came back yelling "I've got foooood for uuuuu!" ^_^ Satay, Kuah Kacang, Murtabak, Currypuff, Fried Rice and Orange Juice. Left overs. *drools*
I have luck when it comes to food. Yey!
This is my form of luck. For others they're in the form of money. My blockmate who's a scholar, gets about 2000RM a month, extra cash for winter clothings, goes to this sort of functions at the embassy (only for scholars) and gets another 20Usd. *faints* If only i was that lucky. =/ I'm thankful anyway, for all that I have. Little things are enough to please me. I guess I was brought up that way. Things that I long for are never material. Sucks though. Sometimes I wished that the things that I wanted could be bought with cash...
=/
Monday, October 13, 2008
can i hv a word with happiness please..
i'm convinced that no one in this world is meant to be happy. everyone is bound to some sort of melancholic disorder that spreads around like a plague. if you're in love, it won't last long. and if it does last long you're most likely to lose them anyway, by any means eg death. i'm not hopeful and i'm tired of trying to be an optimist. because i can't see it that way right now.
------------
sleep deprived, stayed up till 3 studying. woke up at early to continue. i can't nap, i can't rest, i can't sleep at nights.
why oh why did i choose to study this proffesion.
sometimes i'm so numb, that i have to take the stethoscope and put to my chest to make sure my heart is beating. yet that doesn't convince me im alive.
------------
sleep deprived, stayed up till 3 studying. woke up at early to continue. i can't nap, i can't rest, i can't sleep at nights.
why oh why did i choose to study this proffesion.
sometimes i'm so numb, that i have to take the stethoscope and put to my chest to make sure my heart is beating. yet that doesn't convince me im alive.
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