Go figure..

hmm i'm beginning to think my life is such a bore. everyday is more of the less the same old mundane routine. or maybe i am in need of something new and exciting in my life. am i getting old, that hardly anything excites me anymore?

winter is upon us. the weather last week was horrendous. it dropped down way below the freezing point of -24C. Clad in only my sport shoes, i find my toes constantly crying out in pain for heat. I need warm toes. I get into a shut down mode where i scowl if i don't get to feel my toes when i wiggle them. I know, i know. I should be wearing boots or some proper footwear. But i hate the boots that i have. They don't get a good grip on the icy road and i slip. Good thing, this week shows a more promising effect of the sun. Otherwise it's just more or less a facade of heat.

I know i'm crapping but i have nothing else better to do, since i decided to skip class today. It's a been a rough cycle of therapy. And i for one, not being able to motivate myself to study yesterday just decided to screw it and head on to class without being prepared. But i woke up this morning, realising i didn't wanna endure the doctor's constant bombarding without my shield of knowledge. I can only wear my thick skin for so long before it starts shedding off it's layers. Screw it. I shall deal with all of this tomorrow since it'll be the last day. Hoping i can get my credits without any trouble.

I think it's good in a way, that i took the day off. I realise only through blogging can i really settle my thoughts, and i haven't been doing much of that lately. 5th year has proven to be quite hectic. Even my mother has been missing me online. Her assumptions as always, is that i have someone new by my side, which isn't exactly all true. Though it Is weird having her ask me , "Do you have a new GF?"

"..........................."

I made my reply as simple as i could.. " I like someone, but she's kinda screwed up. And she has issues,". I'm not eager to explain the whole summer incident. She's only gonna get worried and start hating her. Between me and her.. I kinda feel we're like round marbles on the ground. Stagnant, just staying still. Awaiting for someone to just stomp the ground or for the wind to blow.. just.. something.. anything.. before we could move again.. to roll about.. not necessarily in a good way but, just for something to happen. Maybe it's just me but when i'm around her, i always feel like there's something between us. it's unspoken, unsaid.. but i feel it. An attraction? Or a longing..of something i want, but i'm not sure i can get. And if i did attempt on it, and i Did get it, do i really want it?

Are things that we are unsure of, better left untouched?

That i can't figure out on my own. Not sure i ever will.

Bummer..