flood of unwanted memories...

Sitting in my room, waiting for the aunty (senior's parents's who is temporarily living next door awaiting their graduation) to get out of the damn bathroom so i can take a shower for umpteenth time today. Moscow is at a temperature i never knew existed. I'm so used to the blistering cold that this just caught me off guard. It's friggin 32 C. I stand at the window awaiting the cool wind to blow at my face and streak thru my hair.

I'm still waiting..

A hot gust of wind rushes thru..

And i'm need of a shower again... Correction, not shower.. A bath.. Actually u can't call it a bath. What do u call it when you need to collect water from a damn tap into a bucket to wash urself, because my shower head is broken due to lack of hot water supply for the past month.. when it was still freezing cold..

And now! now that the hot water has been restored, moscow decides to up the temperature and kill us all.. what the bladdy hell do we need hot water for.. gawddd

Anyway, here i am waiting to mandi kampung.. and waiting for my mum to get off the phone with Ee..

Spent the day cleaning up my room, doing the laundry, cooking, eating, installing bots on my CS, cutting a friend's hair (big concert day for her), and drinking with Bengali Boy..

Went down to get a bottle of beer, when lo and behold, a bunch of parents arrived with their luggages and what nots, waiting for the Only lift that's working at the moment.. Brilliant!
I stood there, trying to hide my beer, for fear of a dreadful first impression on me, and perhaps their children studying here. Decided to take the damn lift instead, running off with the excuse that i am kind hearted and respectful of elders. huhhuhuhu.

I've been my other phone, SMS-ing her while she's out. Got bored waiting for the bathroom and for mum so i decided to read thru the older messages on the phone. LMAO reading the messages that i've saved from the ex. Maybe it's cos i'm slightly tipsy, or maybe cos i found it hilarious at the way we used to SMS.

I'll never leave u.. Don't leave me.
Always and forever..
We'll make it ...

then it's..

we're just going thru a phase.. don't worry

i felt everything kinda went down hill from there..

My phone's recent saved messages were suddenly all about my grandma's passing.. =/

Weird how this brings back memories of what i tried to forget.. Can't decide if this is a good thing. I've moved on, but am i scarred? Maybe i rather not think bout it and push it all behind.

The aunties are finally done with the bathroom.. need a drag bfore i take a shower after all this nonsensical memories filling up head up with crap.

LIVE FREEEEEEEE~~~

ps: attachments are for shit at the moment.. waste of bladdy time..

Summer hols.

My summer:

1) Went to ipoh to visit grandpa and grandma (at church).

We are forever reminded of her and her angelic ways. Still tearing from time to time. Sometimes the memories of her hits us when we least expect it and in the most unusual places and time. Once we were walking down Tesco's aisle when all of a sudden the song they were playing caught my attention. I perked up my ears to hear Mariah Carey's Bye bye in the background. I shook my head trying to pull myself away from unwanted thoughts, only to turn around and see my mum breaking down, right in the middle of the 'sauces' aisle. I quickly whipped out my phone and blasted a song to distract her, coaxing her like you do a child. The death of ahma has affected us so badly that the very mention of her name always keeps us silent for a while before remembering that she's in a better place now.

2) Did attachment at the hospital for 3 weeks

Though it was time consuming and for the most part cut my damn holidays to a mere 5 weeks, it did me some good. I gained more experience than i ever did doing anything else and i have no regrets. But, honestly in the medical field there are so many things to memorize that you don't really know what's meant to be remembered and applied later on. By doing practicals you're exposed to all these. Plus injecting people is fun! (sadistic part of me glowing).

3) Paaartaayyy

Starting meeting up with friends after practicals. Had a road trip to PD and Seremban with the gang. Never realised how much i missed beaches till my toes came in contact with sand. ooo made me feel like a kid again, waddling through and splashing each other with salt water. Even took a ride on the banana boat (eww does that sound wrong)











Drove back to M's house, already in drinking mood and screaming out the lyrics to 'I've got a feeling' at the top our lungs because her car radio busted. Main drink of the night, Vodka and Absinthe sponsored by yours truly ;) Drank ourselves silly and KO-ed at the break of dawn.



Oscar Wilde described drinking absinthe as such: "After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world."

Though i must say, i experienced none of which was said. After a bottle of vodka, we whacked half a bottle of absinthe, which to much disappointment did not get me hallucinating. Though it did get me good and drunk with the help of beer. The taste of it raw, of course is vile. So much that it made vodka taste like drops of heaven. Plus it burns the mouth and esophagus(what else could u expect from 70% of pure alcohol right)

4) Genting!

Went to genting to be a trainer for one of my cousin's motivational courses.



good pay too! though i initially agreed to do it for free but if people offer u money, take it by all means! it was an eye opening experience, for you get to evaluate yourself and at the same analyze others which is something i tend to do all the time. In the beginning i was skeptical about these sort of courses. I thought it a waste of the company's money but towards the end of it, i could see how it boosted their spirits and i know in the long time coming, they would still recall the lessons learnt and apply it (of course till they lose interest in everything again and another motivational course is needed). After the last day of the course, we said goodbye to the trainees and headed up to casinos! yeah baby. I'm finally right, ready and legal to enter the casino. Of course i want this to be done with the securities approval. In other words, i wanted to be stopped by the guards, to whip out my IC and shove in their faces. EEyyyeaAahhh. Entering the casino is no biggie to me, i've been in before with my speed and talent, but this time around i have nothing to hide. No laws to break and i wanted them to know. Unfortunately, no one gave a damn about me and i was just another China Ah pek ready to blow some money. Instead of stopping me, they stopped my elder sister and i'm all the more curious to know if i look older than her this year. so again, i walked out, and entered.. NOTHING.. WTH.. let's just gamble then. i won money anyway so, oh well.

ps: it's apparent that i look nothing like my sister, cos when we were doing our practicals at the hospital, no one knew we were related and i think the touching and hugging and the fact that i kept mentioning that we lived together just made them think we were lovers. -_-'' how uncanny..

5)Fooood

i think i packed and stacked on a good 8 to 9 pounds this time around. Of course in the beginning, i did alot of running ( i lurve running =p) and that slowed the process down but towards the end i was running out of time to do the other things that i love, so i forwent exercising. I was eating every second of the day, and it was bliss not knowing what hunger felt like. I even forgot the existence of the word (till i came back of course) During my last week, i was eating for two in a meal.

Dad: Alright, do you want bakuteh or yam rice for breakfast.
me: Yes.
Dad: *confused* *repeats question* Bakuteh or Yam rice?
me: Yes.
Dad: *stares at me for a very long time* Oohh you want both.
me: *smiles gleefully* yes please! I'm glad we speak the same language, dad.
Dad: I know you well, my fatty.
Me: -_- that was so uncalled for.

ooh and i forgot to mention Shangri La buffet.. Oo La La.. the food.. is to die for..










6) Dance

Me and ma were hired to choreograph and teach a bunch of people a dance for their company's annual dinner. The group consisted of a few girls and a guy ( mr chairman, in otherwords.. certified china ah pek ) Mum was in charge of the girls, and I the guy. Which i figured should be fairly simple. It's one guy. I thought of it as a simple task. Turns out.. I thought wrong. That man, does not only have no sense of rhythm, he is tone deaf and has no ear for music. How was i suppose to teach him to dance when he couldn't even recognize beats. Worse part is, thinking that he could dance i choreographed cooler/tougher steps for him to do. Which in the end needed to be altered. I did the best i could in which he could remember all his moves, but never doing a single one in timing with the music. I'm sorry uncle, that's all you're capable of =/ hehe

7) Reunions

Which of course are compulsory and one event that you cannot escape from. Of course, i never worry about these sort of things. But boy, do i hate those same old questions from the year before.. and every other year for that fact. Of course i know you're just trying to make conversation but sometimes i do get a little bored of repeating myself a few times a night. So i do, what i do when i get bored of your questions, i tell you horrifying stories of Russia and racism and their economy and enjoy watching you get shocked. XD

8) Myself

This summer, would be one i will cherish the most because of the time i managed to spend time with my family and my friends. I would categorize this under 'myself' because to know and to feel that i've lost certain people (physically and emotionally) that with the remaining ones that i have i still find joy in them and mainly myself. Anyway, in the long run, you learn to differentiate between the ones worth remembering and the ones who's names were just written in sand (easy to be erased by the wind and forgotten like it should be). Damn, which just reminded me of my stalker.

"......"

This year i did alot of self shopping and got alot more formal clothes. weee.. me is liking it. Bought myself ties and ooo i also picked up a new instrument. I decided to take another one up just to broaden my horizons. Of course knowing me i wanted the most uncommon and unlikely one. Which is easily obtained of course if not i would have chosen a harp or something. Anyway, I got me a harmonica! It's on an easy one to pick up as i had imagined. Of course i did research about it before getting one and i've managed to learn the basics but i didn't think it would be a much harder instrument to master as compared to the guitar. So far i've only been playing Annie's Song and Moon River continously as practice. Of course this is a step up from Mary had a little lamb. Lol.

Why is it people only appreciate the result of things. Not the process. C'mon people. Like Miley Cyrus said.. "ain't about how fast i get there.. ain't about what's waiting for the other side...it's the climbbb". My first few days of practicing the harmonica, was the toughest. Being shunned by your family is not an easy thing =( According to dad, what i'm doing is not music, it's noise =( When i first got my harmonica they made me sign a contract saying i would never play in their rooms. And only when it sounds good, they're harping on you to play them a song. Same thing goes when i was learning my guitar. tsk.. Humans..

Well i guess that's the gist of it or something in too much detail.(this is a very long post.. hmm ) I guess i have to end my boycotting of cooking food because i'm much too hungry and no matter how lazy i am, there is only so long that i can survive without proper food. Toodles then.
Cheerio~

i'm invisible...

back from trip.

have to continue practicals again tmr for the next two weeks. hoping there would be more different cases each day if not i'll be sitting around the benches again getting shooed from one place to another. the nurses can be a bitch. yea you're more senior than us for now, that doesnt give you the right to treat us with any less respect. when kicked out of their resting room, we asked permission to sit in the patient's waiting hall by the doctors which they then locked. we get stares from sitting in the canteen. where else are we to go. sit by the damn longkang? finally got pally with the indian guards, and they showed us a quiet little garden way back of the hospital where we could relax.

practicals can get a bit boring towards midday. by then most of us find ourselves patient-less, sleepy, and tired from standing up the whole morning. what a way to spend the summer holidays.

the trip was good. though i have to admit my mornings were usually off. i never wake up feeling myself and my thoughts are usually else where. silence and a smile gets me through those times, come afternoon i'm usually much better. didn't buy much this time around. was looking for more formal clothes but couldn't find any good ones.


did stumble upon this shirt though. found it hard to resist putting it up here.

don he look juz like me..

have to start jogging again. my hours for my morning jog has been taken over by attachments.. and by the time i come back, i'm usually too exhausted. still, there's that discontented feeling if i dont exercise. plus i think my arm muscles are getting muscular atrophy. i kept on lifting weights the past months that when i came back, most of my sleeves were tight.. and i thought my shirt shrank.. hmm.. could prolly fit into them now.

highlight of the trip: went into a shop, and after walking down 3 aisles i realised there was a girl following me. which was kinda freaky because she kept standing so close. i didn't bother looking at her, instead i rushed down each aisle hoping to get rid of her. when i found my sister, i whispered, "i don't know why that girl keeps on following me". my sis looks up and whispers back, "she's not a she". I turned around, and bladdee hell this muscular woman was smiling at me. Flattered, but no thanks.. She was pretty though. Kinda reminded me of Dil in The Crying Game.

right, have to get up early tmr. haven't the chance to sleep in till noon since i've been back from Moscow. and all i wanted was a good rest after my semester.

~darn

Practicals

It's only been 2 days but i've learnt so much just by doing my practicals here in Malaysia. Been assigned to the O&G department this week. First things first, anyone would tell you, looking at bleeding, infected VaJayJay's all day, is not a pretty picture, nor is it my how i would ideally spend my day. Although i've yet to study about O&G, i picked the department hoping to get some experience since i wont be able to do my practicals here next summer. And though most of the time i dont understand any of the terms they're using, i'm taking the time to slowly pick it up and i guess it's good preparation for the next semester.

Today was slightly slow, but i did see more interesting things compared to yesterday.

The miracle of birth. Is hell of a disgusting. After seeing what i saw today, i promised myself that if i ever have a partner in labour, i swear that as a doctor, i'll make sure she gets the best of everything. Guess that's one of the privileges i can request for from a friend or a colleague. Because delivering of the child i saw today was done by a bunch of nurses, and the way they treated that woman was just sad. It was rough, with the pulling and the pushing and the poking and prodding. It's normal i know, but i would never let anyone i'm with go through that same thing. Digging into that women like they were going through a pocket. The baby that i saw just now, came out cynotic, which adding together with the fluids and blood, she looked like alien. Of course, after cleaning her up, all of us couldn't wait to just go googoogaagaa over her.

Also saw torn off flesh, from a man's palm. As in a chunk of meat, just hanging from a man's hand. Massive bleeding that filled up an entire tray. After washing the wound with sodium chloride, and injecting him with lidocain, they started suturing which was the best part. I was eager to try, but one of the seniors wanted to first, so i stepped back. Still have time anyway. Plus i could just practice on fruits or chickens first. ^^

I wonder sometimes how are we going to cope with the malaysian system, in the future, if we didnt get to experience it here and now. Alot of people don't realise it but this is quite a critical period of our course, that allows us to take the time to get accustom with the way things are done here. My juniors wouldn't be able to do their practicals in malaysia. and when we grad and start our housemenship, and we are in the blur about the system, who's to blame.

M'sia hates us, We hate Moscow = No Love

Well, I guess it's confirmed then. I'll be doing my practicals here instead of Malaysia. The only other thing more infuriating about this whole situation, is of course the student body. With no updates what so ever, most of the students are left still hanging on a string of hope that somehow this could all be turned around. Many have yet to change their flight dates, or in some cases book the return ticket home. Next semester, when i'll be in my 4th year, my practicals would be for 6 weeks and after calculating, i found out that if i were to go back, it'll only be for 2 weeks. If they had told me sooner i could have booked a one way ticket instead. I do pity those who are currently in 4th year though. Since most of them have already bought a return ticket home, they would still have to go back, but only for those 2 weeks. Bummer. But I'm not the one this is taking a toll on. My mum is going berserk, using foul language that i've never heard her use before. ( i'm glad im old enough for my mum to start cursing in front of me comfortably. i can imagine how it's like to have kids and accidentally blurt out profanities and have them point the finger at you with eyes wide open and gasp. yeah, i think i used to do that. no wait, that was my goody-two-shoes sister. I used to giggle instead. I'm also glad that i'm old enough that if anything bad comes out of my mouth, I don't get reprimanded for it).

Sigh, this new ruling on practicals kinda throws everyone's plan off. It just seems to me, it gives us students here a perfect alibi as to why we're not familiar with the procedures or whatnots in Malaysian hospitals. First off, we're already learning everything here in Russian. By doing practicals back home, at least we have the opportunity to question what we're unsure of. Somehow everything about this country kinda irks me a little. From the very first day my parents decided to send me here, all we've been facing are problems that had to be solved with money, or an absurd amount of time that would mutilate the core of your very soul. I wouldn't even be surprised that by the time i'm done here, Malaysia would have stopped accepting whoever who graduated from Russia. That'd be great. Because I'd run to Singapore, and everytime I wanna chew gum, I'd just walk over to the border of Malaysia, chew away, spit it right there and run back to Singapore. Sigh. What's to become of us in the future i wonder.

By the way, for those of you who watches the L word. Grieve with me as the season's about to end.Damnnn..

PS: My sudden realization of my love for Bette is shocking.



and i don't really hate Moscow. it's just a little heads up would've been nice.

SAY NO TO PRACTICLS IN MOSCOW. FU!

Well, i have nothing much to say, except for the fact I Am slightly depressed over the fact that i might be spending half of my summer break here instead of back home with my family. I don't know who to blame. Mainly the agents i guess. Blood sucking assholes. Thanks alot. Moscow has thrown so much of crap at us, but at least it was expected. This on the other hand.. Sigh, Malaysia, Malaysia. Asking us to do our practicals here, in Russia, in a language we're not fully fluent in. And blackmailing us at the same time! It's absurd. You Live in Moscow and tell me if you can survive another extra month of this hell hole. Not to mention the extra cost that it'll take to live here. Yea, it's easy on those on scolarships, you get paid EVERYDAY that you stay here. It's just another extra 50usd in your pocket. And we private students aka non bumis have to suffer.Guess i have to save up again, cos i can't bear to ask my parents for extra money.

I Am homesick. And I want nothing more than to just go home into the arms of my family as soon as I can, what with my house catching on fire, and my grandma passing away, and my personal depressing shit. I'm just not in the best place right now =(

I want to go home.

Good morn Msia..

Hey! Morning! It's been the 11th day since I've been back in Malaysia! Yippie. This time coming bck home I didnt feel as foreign as I used to feel. Home felt like home immediately. I used to have trouble adjusting when i came home every year. For the first few days, I admit to doing absolutely nothing but eat and sleep, and when i say i did only that.. i really mean it. I wake up for breakfast, groggily and greedily i munch what's on the table, and then head off to bed. I am then awaken by my lil schnauzer for lunch (yea, he's usually assigned to do this sort of work, of calling people for lunch and dinner, and he does a good job really making sure u get up and get out of the room!). After lunch is when the whole house gets really quiet. Nap Time! Mum and my younger sis really have the same aptitude.... for sleeping... the whole day.. -_-'' it's hard to wake them up, and if you do, you get dagger stares. So what else is there to do, when the whole house is dead asleep, I've nothing to do but join them. I've been so bored at home. My laziness has prohibited me from playing playstation, reading books or even going out. So yes, for the first few days back home, my main activity was sleeeeeeppp.. and it was gooood. Catching up on my 40 winks..more like a million actually.

Alright, besides sleep, since I've been back, I've been to Genting, and tesco and giant too but i dont think that counts as anything special. Air supply came to Genting and since my love for bekalan udara has been like forever, my mum took us all to watch. Woot woot! The best concert I've seen in Genting so far. The sound system was fantastic, Graham and Russell interacted with the crowd by jumping down from the stage (well, not really jumping down la.. they're too old for that) and they shook hands with almost everyone (not me of course, cos this sort of thing never happens to me .. bluekk ). Enjoyed myself either way, so.. me happy ^_^

I have my attachment to do next monday, and way before that I had so much trouble deciding where I wanted to do. I already applied for SJMC but had originally wanted to do it in Klang. So off I went to Klang Hosp. asking around if they would allow me (one small person!) to just join the other 100 over students that had already applied earlier. Of course they said no. So I was stuck between hopping hospitals and just taking a random chop later on and signing it myself or just doing it in SJMC. I chose the latter. Wasn't really sure on how to get there, so i wanted to take the KTM yesterday all the way to subang to see if i can find my around but my parents had been so kind to offer me a ride just to show me the way. Since i was going there i decided, what the heck, might as well inquire what's needed to prepare for my practicals. Unfortunately, upon getting there, I found out the person in charge is not in and me asking everyone else about my attachment just created some havoc. They were even more worried that I actually started on that day itself and when I said I just wanted to prepare myself, i realised i sounded damn right 'kiasu'.. hahah.. that's what a student's attitude should be like right? =p

Dress code... no jeans.. office wear .. and closed shoes.. Sounds nothing at all like me. I pouted on the fact i had to wear office clothes and my mum gave me that -_-'' look. She's been so helpful (biasa la.. mums) she asked her friends if there were any formal shirts (my kinda style) that they could lend to me. And I'm suppose to go out today to look for shoes.. Knowing me, I'm gonna pick something simple, and cheap.. huahuahua.. ^_^