study break

Well, it's been almost 2 weeks since the sem ended and study break began. It's only been today that i started making any sort of progress for my Surgery State Exam. I have zero motivation. I'm driving on guilt here! I've been watching so many movies, I can't quite keep up. Sitting in my room, I really haven't been going out much other than the one time, to have some Korean cuisine. I'm basically running out of food and I'm scraping every last source i have, and just being innovative with my meals. I'm not putting on any weight, nor am i losing any and i tend to get restless when i don't get out much (reasons to not go out, is so i wouldn't have to spend money, though i'm itching to shop for.. anything.. ). So i've been pushing myself to exercise. Hard to work on cardio when it's cold and snowy outside, and I lack space in my room to do anything other than a jumping jack or running on a spot.

I hate facing the fact that i used to be alot fitter last time. I started lifting weights and doing regular pushups everyday when i was 13. I used to be able to do at least 20 at a go when i first started. And now i can't seem to go past 10. My body is getting older. I'm reminded everytime my knee cries out after a certain amount of squats. I do worry that when i start working, i wouldn't have time to exercise and my muscles will probably degenerate and i'll be left all flabby. Bwahhh. Gawd, i can be so vain sometimes.

I had a change in my hairstyle. I think i do that everytime i'm bored. I always feel like i need a change. So i shaved my sides and just had the mid trimmed. I'm still hooked on the idea of going bald. I probably would, if i didn't have any oral examinations to sit for. Bad impressions, cut marks. i wish i was a rock star instead.

(ouch i think i just hurt my Achilles tendon by jumping around)

i gotta watch myself. too old for this shit.

On his birthday, my friend took me to this club called Propaganda which had gay sunday nights. Wasn't really in the mood for a night out but I did want to check out the scene there since it's been raved about by other foreigners who has visited Moscow for the night life. Unfortunately, I failed to see what all the fuss was about. It was overcrowded, dirty and the music was so horrendous I spent most of my time just staring into space waiting for my friend to give up and go home. I can't for the life of me understand how the people there that day could just stand, bouncing their asses in the same spot, to the same bass tempo the entire night.

Yeap. What their DJ's considered music, to me was just the same bladdy bass beat interfered with snippets of other songs and then it's back to the same thing. So i stood there, against a pillar, stagnant, refusing to participate with the rest as a sign of protest, watching the disturbing videos they had displayed of bunnies fucking and multiplying, and zombie teddies launching themselves towards the camera. Yeah it was all just very.. sick.

I think the only thing that saved me from just flopping down to the ground out of boredom and wishing i had a knife to plunge into my stomach, were the elderly gentlemen on the dance floor, doing all sorts of nasty things to the younger guys there. I could do with grinding, and the touching, that's all so lah-dee-dah to me. But when you tug someone's pants down, and start rimming his asshole. Well, guys.. now that's a party. Yea, i'm a voyeur. I like that I have been to Amsterdam and watched a live sex show, and like that the old geezer was putting his hands down everyone's pants and giving a good rub. That kept me entertained for like the next 15 mins before i got bored again.

Fortunately, my friend gave up right after. So we left the club, and just aimlessly walked around the streets of Moscow. Winter has been shy so far, that made for a great weather to walk about in the wee hours of the morning.

I'll miss this place. Another 6 more months and i'd be out of here for good. Geez. 7 freaking years. Still can't get over that.

Damn.