when you say you still LIKE me

i could still joke with her.. of course there are times when i just become mean and shoot her right down.. but the end of the day, i'd always still look into her eyes, and smile..

the night before she left i stood by her as she got up to leave my room, i teased her about something and laughed. she dropped her things and hugged me. tears on my shoulder as she muttered under her breath, "i regret what i did". With her arms around me, i melted. She held me a little tighter and i just felt both stupid and confused.

"I really do still like you... "

i don't know which is worse ..

the fact that you may very well be lying to my face
(what more after what you did..)

or the fact that it is indeed true..
(but u're still not sure bout what to do cos u need to settle things with ur ex first)

the stupid half of me believes her
the other half is still putting a guard up..

i need to get back to malaysia to clear my head..
3 more days baby..
back to the place i call
Home..

a new day

spent the whole of yesterday just laying in bed sleeping it off. she came around and i was surprisingly nice. why? no fucken idea. maybe cos i still like her. everything bout her was different. but i woke up today.. feeling indifferent. maybe it's the whole out of sight, out of mind thing. if i dont see you, i dont feel shit for you. i'll just push whatever memories out the door.

ystdy was a day of dwelling, mourning, brooding..

today is my day of anger.. i woke up feeling hatred. for everyone. everyone that was involved.. i don't see why i should put up with this shit. i dont deserve being treated like crap. she and her bunch of fuck buddy friends are a bunch of emotionally retarded fucknuts. i promised to never have anything to do with them ever again. it's not worth anything to me. i was happy the way i was before ever knowing ever of them. and that's the way it shall remain..

i'm all up for drinks tonight. slowing getting back to how i was.

fuck em' all.

fuck em' all to hell..

Slut

awesome.

the girl that i was with for the past few months have been fucking two other guys while she was with me..

none of which knew bout each other.

is there no one else left in this world to trust..

i have no faith left in humanity..

anyone out there who feels me and wanna offer their condolences.. pls feel free to do so..

so FML la...

impervious... stone cold heart?

do realise at this point of time, that i'm just layaning whatever that comes by.
i didnt bfore, and i was most of the time deeply affected..
the mood that i am in now reminds me that i should and i perhaps am (for now) impervious to your comings and goings as you please.
no im not upset, nor do i feel the need to want more.. or ask any from you.
there's no point in that .. imho
emotionless, i might say..
and indifferent to whatever it is we have..
maybe i've come to a point where i feel i give only what i get..
i'm not expecting anything.. maybe i am cold .. doubtful , skeptical , u name it.. i am the pessimist that you see..
whatever laaa.. i doubt u feel any different anyway..
-----
if the question on your mind, is if i am any happier than i am before?
the answer would be no.. i was already happy the way i was.. i found myself by being alone. yea sure there are times when i was lonely and i get depressed. the question is, how is it any different now from before if i still don't have someone by me.
i've gotten accustom to not goin to people when i'm upset , on rare occasions it would be to J. he gets me. so i wouldnt ask of anyone .. i would ask it of u to accompany me during those times. maybe it's not reached that level. who knows.. no point questioning for now anyway.