Thursday, September 18, 2008

dont lose hope

she really ended things with me. i'm not even allowed to message her or talk to her anymore. the truth always hurts more. speaking the truth out loud is even more painful. so i'm not going to do that here. i'm not going to say what i think, merely how i feel. and how i feel, frankly is fucking crappy. PAIN.. PAIN.. DOES THAT REGISTER IN YOUR F'KG HEAD!! i get so messed up in situations like this. my emotions are hay wire. i sit down and burst into tears all of a sudden, or i talk to someone and i bladdy hell just snap at them. i try to smile, but i'm too tired to pretend it's all okay. i can't sleep. and when i do i get this spasms, and i just hit everything cause i'm so fucking frustrated and when i try to calm myself down to fall asleep, all i can think of is jamming a pen into my heart because it's aching.. literally aching. maybe cos my heart's not there. sigh. but i've made a choice bout something a long time ago, and i'm still gonna go for it. hope gets us far right. hope has brought me so much. and that's one thing i'm not going to give up on...

i pray that when you find yourself.. you wont let anything stand in your way of what you want, not even yourself.

1 comment:

the girl said...

don't lose hope. but you have to take care of yourself as well.

i know it hurts. im sorry this happened to you.