i'm groggy mcsneezerson

realllllly reallllly blur and groggy the whole day. my brain is swimming in mucus once again. i've brought sneezing to a whole new level, continously sneezing from the morning right up to the evening. i'm not sure if i'm having sinusitis or it's just plain flu. either way, this thing is killing me. and after taking piriton, i now not only feel weak, i feel drowsy. funny, cos it has a weird effect on me, and i giggle unexpectedly every now and then ( in a zombified kind of way though). T from practicals did some palm reading today, and the way she could decipher it so specifically really raised my eye brows. of course i dont believe in it entirely, but it would be fun to see how much of it would come true.

okay, i'm weary. i need rest. i can't control swallowing (or i'm much too stoned) and i think drool is about to overpour.

weeeeee

i wish, i hope, i pray..

sometimes i wish people's promises are for real. most of the time i wish if you knew you couldn't see to the promise you wouldn't have made it. i wish people would just say what they were thinking of, or what they really meant instead of pretending to be nice. you make a mark of your impression but never filling it. i wish there were certain things in life, you never have to learn the hard way. i wish if we did, that there would be some happiness to counter the sad ones. i wish i could peep into the future just to see where it takes me, instead of being in the dark about it. i think life is a mystery enough, and at some point, i really wanna take hold of the reins instead of letting it go out of control. i wish i didnt have to sleep now but i do.

i hope tmr is not boring

i pray that i will one day get answers..

i wish, i hope, i pray..

You're a real charmer but you don't get swept along by the first person who shows an interest in you. You need time to be sure of your feelings and you don't get involved lightly. But when you wake up one day telling yourself you want and love a certain person, your life takes on a whole different meaning. You cover them with kisses and can come across as a bit possessive. No-one touches the one you love! As for your loyalty, it's exemplary. Out of all the people you have encountered throughout your life, you will want to be loved-up in the arms of a one of these kinds of people...and stay there. You two form a wonderful alliance together. From the moment your two meet, a calm climate, full of love and serenity, will be born. You will feel good in their company, you have more things in common than differences. Like you, they love children and family. Alongside them, you will feel like you're in a cocoon, without ever becoming bored. And you have one thing on your mind: building a happy, comfortable and solid nest with them!

i am tempted to punch in at the hospital, remove my labcoat and sit at the patients' waiting area and pretend i'm one of them. seems like there's less to do as the days go by. of course occasionally there are cases that would get us on our feet and huddled together, staring at that one patient or the pathology that they have. sometimes i feel we're quite insensitive, treating patients like objects and practicing our skills on them, but we do what we need to. guess it's just bad luck for those patients who come in for blood sampling or I.V. The rest of the procedures are pretty simple.

interesting cases for the week would include..

cellulitis..oooo

necrotic foot.though the one i saw was much worse than this..

an intravenous drug user, and a schizophrenic guy. Other wise it's all same old same old.

we've been punching out earlier and earlier each day due to boredom. which is good because i save up enough energy for evening exercises.

Another death in Malaysia from H1N1. Planning to take vaccination soon.

Yasmin Ahmad passed away 3 days ago. Her sudden death seemed like dejavu as i couldn't help associating her with Michael. A part of me was irritated though when Michael died, because suddenly everyone took an interest in him when in truth, they all criticized the way he look and lived. You can't take back what you said, or pretend it didn't happen and mourn for him the way you do, with what you've said in the past. somehow though, this year seems like a very bad year. with all these deaths and the flu pandemic, i foresee a dark cloud heading our way with the worst yet to come.. *background effect* OOooooo.. hahaha

Sucker

she said, stop thinking like a guy and read between the lines.

and i go.. "ohhhh"..

didn't know..

"i guess i was just naive, and i thought she was being honest"

she said, open your eyes, and see for yourself. what would make you think that way.

hmm..

woot

skipped practicals today. for a good cause. family time! mum was finally free, dad was off from work and kiddo had no classes. plus practicals were getting boring.

with the heavy rain these couple of days, there were less patients at the hospital. except for blood taking, there was nothing else to do at the hospital but sit and gossip while stuffing our faces with curry puffs at the canteen.

slept through the whole evening today. didn't realise how sleep deprived i was.

not exactly looking forward to another monotonous day again tomorrow. though there's always my trustworthy source of entertainment awaiting for me at the hosp.

Babies!

they always know how to put a smile on your face.

~coo coo~

i'm invisible...

back from trip.

have to continue practicals again tmr for the next two weeks. hoping there would be more different cases each day if not i'll be sitting around the benches again getting shooed from one place to another. the nurses can be a bitch. yea you're more senior than us for now, that doesnt give you the right to treat us with any less respect. when kicked out of their resting room, we asked permission to sit in the patient's waiting hall by the doctors which they then locked. we get stares from sitting in the canteen. where else are we to go. sit by the damn longkang? finally got pally with the indian guards, and they showed us a quiet little garden way back of the hospital where we could relax.

practicals can get a bit boring towards midday. by then most of us find ourselves patient-less, sleepy, and tired from standing up the whole morning. what a way to spend the summer holidays.

the trip was good. though i have to admit my mornings were usually off. i never wake up feeling myself and my thoughts are usually else where. silence and a smile gets me through those times, come afternoon i'm usually much better. didn't buy much this time around. was looking for more formal clothes but couldn't find any good ones.


did stumble upon this shirt though. found it hard to resist putting it up here.

don he look juz like me..

have to start jogging again. my hours for my morning jog has been taken over by attachments.. and by the time i come back, i'm usually too exhausted. still, there's that discontented feeling if i dont exercise. plus i think my arm muscles are getting muscular atrophy. i kept on lifting weights the past months that when i came back, most of my sleeves were tight.. and i thought my shirt shrank.. hmm.. could prolly fit into them now.

highlight of the trip: went into a shop, and after walking down 3 aisles i realised there was a girl following me. which was kinda freaky because she kept standing so close. i didn't bother looking at her, instead i rushed down each aisle hoping to get rid of her. when i found my sister, i whispered, "i don't know why that girl keeps on following me". my sis looks up and whispers back, "she's not a she". I turned around, and bladdee hell this muscular woman was smiling at me. Flattered, but no thanks.. She was pretty though. Kinda reminded me of Dil in The Crying Game.

right, have to get up early tmr. haven't the chance to sleep in till noon since i've been back from Moscow. and all i wanted was a good rest after my semester.

~darn

insane(3)

well i (out of insanity) tore up a 3 day project that was meant to be her grad present. fuck it. just when i thought it couldn't get worse. What's lower than rock bottom? My heart fell again. You know that feeling when you're free falling from gravity like on a roller coaster, speeding downwards. sometimes i feel i should just get the hint and back off. other times i feel i should just keep pushing myself. both playing a role in my indecisiveness. there's no easy way out. no advice anyone can give to aid me.

it takes two..

this one man fighting show is about to end.

i'm tired, i'm sleepy. from the long hours of practicals, the lack of sleep... from doing what ended up as a complete waste of time and becoming food for the damn dustbin.

do what you wanna do from now on. i think i'm about to give up.
-------------------
pray this trip does me good. need sleep.
c u monday, buddy.

Practicals

It's only been 2 days but i've learnt so much just by doing my practicals here in Malaysia. Been assigned to the O&G department this week. First things first, anyone would tell you, looking at bleeding, infected VaJayJay's all day, is not a pretty picture, nor is it my how i would ideally spend my day. Although i've yet to study about O&G, i picked the department hoping to get some experience since i wont be able to do my practicals here next summer. And though most of the time i dont understand any of the terms they're using, i'm taking the time to slowly pick it up and i guess it's good preparation for the next semester.

Today was slightly slow, but i did see more interesting things compared to yesterday.

The miracle of birth. Is hell of a disgusting. After seeing what i saw today, i promised myself that if i ever have a partner in labour, i swear that as a doctor, i'll make sure she gets the best of everything. Guess that's one of the privileges i can request for from a friend or a colleague. Because delivering of the child i saw today was done by a bunch of nurses, and the way they treated that woman was just sad. It was rough, with the pulling and the pushing and the poking and prodding. It's normal i know, but i would never let anyone i'm with go through that same thing. Digging into that women like they were going through a pocket. The baby that i saw just now, came out cynotic, which adding together with the fluids and blood, she looked like alien. Of course, after cleaning her up, all of us couldn't wait to just go googoogaagaa over her.

Also saw torn off flesh, from a man's palm. As in a chunk of meat, just hanging from a man's hand. Massive bleeding that filled up an entire tray. After washing the wound with sodium chloride, and injecting him with lidocain, they started suturing which was the best part. I was eager to try, but one of the seniors wanted to first, so i stepped back. Still have time anyway. Plus i could just practice on fruits or chickens first. ^^

I wonder sometimes how are we going to cope with the malaysian system, in the future, if we didnt get to experience it here and now. Alot of people don't realise it but this is quite a critical period of our course, that allows us to take the time to get accustom with the way things are done here. My juniors wouldn't be able to do their practicals in malaysia. and when we grad and start our housemenship, and we are in the blur about the system, who's to blame.

who's who..

sheepy, T, P

thx u..