I can feel my heart trying to open itself up. Trying and as i fear, never getting there. Why?
I'm in the midst of reading A Clockwork Orange. And just when 'Your Humble Narrator' has been sent for an experiment and "cured" of his violence, the only way to test and prove the success of it is by inflicting violence upon him. All this done, in which by instinct of any normal human being would be to defend themselves and fight back, but it's no longer in him to able to do so. The videos of pain upon others has been embedded in him and the very thought of violence made him sick.
I would use that in reference and relate to the fact that since the last person i've opened my heart up to, has (in what i can only say as) severely damaged me and therefore i'm walled up than ever. And as it is i've come to recently have a crush on someone new. I'd hate to admit anything by saying it or writing it out, but i believe to come to terms with it brings forth a chance of finding a solution.
The fact that i have an inkling of a feeling, means i now have a leak in my dam. And the ever pending fear of it breaking has brought me nightmares. Literally. In the past few nights, and even naps I've already dreamt of murderous acts, reliving of the past, lashing out anger.. all very much of Love and Pain. Drama.. I detest drama. It's not fun to feel. The risks that comes with being involved with anyone here for the remaining 2 months i have left is not worth it. Guess i gotta keep reminding myself that. Blow over. Please blow over quick.
*Realises* (I suddenly feel like i know where VV is at)
Go figure.. Hmm.
I'm in the midst of reading A Clockwork Orange. And just when 'Your Humble Narrator' has been sent for an experiment and "cured" of his violence, the only way to test and prove the success of it is by inflicting violence upon him. All this done, in which by instinct of any normal human being would be to defend themselves and fight back, but it's no longer in him to able to do so. The videos of pain upon others has been embedded in him and the very thought of violence made him sick.
I would use that in reference and relate to the fact that since the last person i've opened my heart up to, has (in what i can only say as) severely damaged me and therefore i'm walled up than ever. And as it is i've come to recently have a crush on someone new. I'd hate to admit anything by saying it or writing it out, but i believe to come to terms with it brings forth a chance of finding a solution.
The fact that i have an inkling of a feeling, means i now have a leak in my dam. And the ever pending fear of it breaking has brought me nightmares. Literally. In the past few nights, and even naps I've already dreamt of murderous acts, reliving of the past, lashing out anger.. all very much of Love and Pain. Drama.. I detest drama. It's not fun to feel. The risks that comes with being involved with anyone here for the remaining 2 months i have left is not worth it. Guess i gotta keep reminding myself that. Blow over. Please blow over quick.
*Realises* (I suddenly feel like i know where VV is at)
Go figure.. Hmm.
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