Bolshoi

All my love

Don't really have much to say, cept that with Christmas right around the corner, I've been slightly emo.
And you know how acoustics get to me.
(Wish Cameron would make more videos)

ps: sense a tinge of John Mayer in his strums.

Christmas around the corner

Sometimes i wished i could be a nonfunctional civilian and not contribute anything to society. I've been much too lazy the last couple of days to do anything at all. Getting out of bed has proven to be a chore that the only motivation is food. Or fear of getting gastritis, to be more exact.

I wished holidays would arrive sooner. Alas, we have exams before that. I wonder when I Do start working, will I ever have any leisure time for myself, ever.. again? I like stoning. I like doing absolutely nothing sometimes. Just laying down watching a movie that consists of conversations so slow and too apprehensive to the mind that it requires no concentration at all.

Why have i turned this way, I wonder? Perhaps it's Winter. Which has taken it's time to make an appearance this year. I usually get winter depression around this time. Around Christmas. Oh how the Lonesome Feeling returns. And I start to think of you all over again. Remembering what it was to have someone to have hold and call home.

Can't help but wonder how'd it be like this time next year. Would I still be thinking of you? Would I still wish for you? It's been awhile since I've felt emotionally voided. I was so sure I was happy not being in a relationship. I wouldn't know how to divide my time. Yet here I am, yearning to have someone beside me. I pray for the time to pass.

I rather wish this feeling away then wish for you. One's more doable than the other.

Round and round

So you're fucking around again.

what's new?

apparently nothing ever is with you.

same old same old,

same old shit, different day.

Sometimes all you wanna do is hold someone.

I don't love you.

And i know i never will.

I know that i only think of having you close to me, when I'm extremely lonely, or high.

I know you like me.

And i like knowing you'll always be there.

I Am nice to you.

But only to a certain extend.

I wish you didn't appear needy to me.

Or seem weak.

It would be easier to form an understanding with you, in that way we both get what we want without getting hurt.

I wish you didn't care.

I wished you were a jerk.

Or even a bitch.

Most of the time I'd wish that on me.

Just to get what i want.

But i'm not that type of person.

I can't tell if that's a good thing.

Who knows.

Maybe i'll change someday.

Maybe i'll break.