flood of unwanted memories...

Sitting in my room, waiting for the aunty (senior's parents's who is temporarily living next door awaiting their graduation) to get out of the damn bathroom so i can take a shower for umpteenth time today. Moscow is at a temperature i never knew existed. I'm so used to the blistering cold that this just caught me off guard. It's friggin 32 C. I stand at the window awaiting the cool wind to blow at my face and streak thru my hair.

I'm still waiting..

A hot gust of wind rushes thru..

And i'm need of a shower again... Correction, not shower.. A bath.. Actually u can't call it a bath. What do u call it when you need to collect water from a damn tap into a bucket to wash urself, because my shower head is broken due to lack of hot water supply for the past month.. when it was still freezing cold..

And now! now that the hot water has been restored, moscow decides to up the temperature and kill us all.. what the bladdy hell do we need hot water for.. gawddd

Anyway, here i am waiting to mandi kampung.. and waiting for my mum to get off the phone with Ee..

Spent the day cleaning up my room, doing the laundry, cooking, eating, installing bots on my CS, cutting a friend's hair (big concert day for her), and drinking with Bengali Boy..

Went down to get a bottle of beer, when lo and behold, a bunch of parents arrived with their luggages and what nots, waiting for the Only lift that's working at the moment.. Brilliant!
I stood there, trying to hide my beer, for fear of a dreadful first impression on me, and perhaps their children studying here. Decided to take the damn lift instead, running off with the excuse that i am kind hearted and respectful of elders. huhhuhuhu.

I've been my other phone, SMS-ing her while she's out. Got bored waiting for the bathroom and for mum so i decided to read thru the older messages on the phone. LMAO reading the messages that i've saved from the ex. Maybe it's cos i'm slightly tipsy, or maybe cos i found it hilarious at the way we used to SMS.

I'll never leave u.. Don't leave me.
Always and forever..
We'll make it ...

then it's..

we're just going thru a phase.. don't worry

i felt everything kinda went down hill from there..

My phone's recent saved messages were suddenly all about my grandma's passing.. =/

Weird how this brings back memories of what i tried to forget.. Can't decide if this is a good thing. I've moved on, but am i scarred? Maybe i rather not think bout it and push it all behind.

The aunties are finally done with the bathroom.. need a drag bfore i take a shower after all this nonsensical memories filling up head up with crap.

LIVE FREEEEEEEE~~~

ps: attachments are for shit at the moment.. waste of bladdy time..

where are u.. where am i?

suddenly feeling vulnerable today.. or since ystdy.. she wanted to study and sleep else where. am feeling something i can't quite comprehend and i cant put my finger on it. do i really not know her after all and as unlabeled item i can't quite say where we are.. but im not the type to chase after someone who doesnt want to be chased. i wont pursue where i feel im not wanted and right now maybe im unsure of where she is on her feelings towards me. im just putting thoughts to words right now.. still having no expectations, so i dont get disappointed or hurt.

sometimes i feel it's a giant leap forward,

then it's two steps back....

maybe i can figure this out after exams..

down to my last.. Neuro.. in the mood to study.. but not quite sure of what to do ..

faith... hv faith...

Dreading changes..

there will come a day,
when i will one day say,
i'd push all my fears and doubts aside,
because i really wanna try,
to make this work with you..

but hasn't this been said before..
-----------------------
down to my final exam... i am actually really sitting and down and studying for this one as opposed to the other two. my attachments start right after my exam. what a bummer. i'm still gonna try to party it out somehow even if it means having to skip a few days of practicals. On a smaller note, or maybe not so minuscule after all, my roomate gave me a hair cut yesterday and while doing so announced her desire to return to the room next semester because her bf might be moving to another room.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

With whom/where does he plan to shift to?
Well, where else but with my good buddy, J.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Double screams from J and me.
The horror >.<

Where are we to run to now when we need to get away from our own abode.

I hate changes!

Of exams and love bites

exams are just around the corner. havent burst out into my full study mode yet. not feeling stressed, nor pressured thus i have no motivation which kinda blows. plus C and Her have been coming over every night to "study". We basically just end up talking or playing which kinda distracts me from studying and im slightly stressed bout that. Oh why don't they give us more free days to study for exams.

On a different note. I went to class yesterday wearing a turtle neck because of an unconcealable hickey i got from Her. It was too high up to cover it with a plain collar tshirt, and seeing as how my brain doesnt really work in the mornings, i just decided to stick with the turtle neck instead of opting for something else or some remedy. The day went on fine, thinking i had done so brilliantly well on hiding this post neck sucking effect till i got home and got a message from H saying, 'hey i think i found a code name for ur girl. We'll just call her HC for hickey chick.. *hint hint* '

Aww crap. H stays with a A, a groupmate of mine. None of my groupmates here btw are aware of this side of me, cept for my roomate of course. So when H told me that A knew bout it, means the other 2 girls in my group knew bout it. H called me up to her room to share her new found info.

'LIKE HELL im gonna go to ur room now, since A would be there. Im too embarrassed'
'La, she's gone off somewhere. Don't be such a girl and come up la'

I was slightly hesitant knowing that A might return to the room at any moment, but i needed to know the extent of their conversation. I barely got to questioning her bout what A had said, when she started bombarding me with questions instead.

"Oo, so did u grope her? What are u guys now? Are u like in lurveeeeee with her? Why have a hickey unless you're ready to show it to everyone? OOo are u ready for that yet?"

With that and her being distracted by IMs in between, she took up all the alone time we had because suddenly i heard keys jiggling outside her door and crap i knew that was the return of A. @@ I shot up standing, ready to leave while H whines on about not finishing her story, flashing me a smug look at the same time. She has a damn talent for that. I turned around to see A giving me a knowing look/smile, i panicked, bid farewell and bolted out the door.

Upon returning to my room i saw an IM from A asking if i was there. LOL what could she possibly want to say i wonder. My mind is just laughing it's head off.

'Okay, that was weird. So to rid of any weirdness in the future. I just want you to know, that i know and i'm okay with it. So chill la. And im happy for you =) '

Waaaaaaaaa.. I'm having multiple, so many different emotions from that one IM of hers. Freaking out that she knows, Ecstatic that she's okay with it, and bladdy damn Shy for her being happy for me.

"Omggg. Don't la, i damn malu d"
"Haha, i bet you're blushing over there"
"Hm actually yea, anyway how did you guys find out and what did the other two say? Are they freaking out?"
"N saw, and she told both of us. They weren't freaking out, but they were more curious than anything else, trying to figure out who it is. They came up with prediction that 90% confirmation that the hickey was from a girl and 10% from a guy"

Wow.. 90% hurh. And i kinda thought that they were in denial bout the whole thing. I knew they had conversations bout me before. But i always thought they constantly brushed off the idea that i was gay. Anyway i'm happy enough, that A didn't say anything to them. She said it wasn't her place to do so and i've officially put her on the top of my list of people to love <3 ^^

Im starting to not care what people might say/talk around here anymore. I don't know why. What was i worried about before? That i might get shunned? Perhaps. But i suddenly have faith that the people i care about and trust, would never do that to me. I mean, the people whom i've opened up to are still around and perhaps that's more that i'll ever need here. We shall see how this goes. It's a small Malaysian community here, in this hostel. I just don't like being put on a spotlight like that and be the topic of people's conversations. Praying that everything would go about smoothly.