will the tragedies ever end

only thing i can wonder for now..

my house caught on fire 3 days ago, and only now they've decided to tell me.
not realizing how bad the situation was, i pushed it to the back of my head but now as it's slowly unraveling my mind can only be set to it's worrying mode. and i have yet to speak to my mum.

the whole top floor has been wiped out, and renovations have started, to replace everything. my house apparently doesn't even have a roof right now.. only good news, is that everyone is safe and well. just worrying bout finances. the insurance company most probably wont settle for covering all the expenses needed for the renovation. bladdy hell i thought that was what insurances are for.

there has to be a reason why bad things happen to good people. i honestly blame the damn neighbour since the fire started from his abandon house. sigh. worry worry.

just doesnt seem like a very good year for us.. and me..

in the mood of condemning people to hell.

Been having fever. I actually slept for more than 12 hours straight. I looked so sick that an elderly lady on the metro gave me seat. Must have been that bad. Haven't had anything to eat the whole day. My whole body's aching. Argh.. Just feel like complaining. Started snowing yesterday night. Damn. Winter this year came really late. I suppose it's a good thing.

It's so weird that the whole 12 hours i was sleeping, all i was dreaming of was some war that was going on. Made me even more tired than i already was. Skipping all my classes today. Just can't get up. My phlegm is thick and brownish and it's irritating that i have to get up every few minutes to spit it out. i just feel like collecting it in a jar and when i'm good and healthy i'll just pour it on someone i hate.

Been thinking of that movie. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Actually seems like a good idea don't you think? If you live everyday with a pain that won't go away, isn't it easier to just do something like that to get rid of the memories. sigh. I dont know what i want in life.

I'm going to soak myself in the tub till i decide on what to do next. Will be playing for the Sukom games this Sunday. Pray i'll get well by then.

Hmm...

Funny but I just had this thought after watching The Investigator.

If all people who were gay are banned from the army, and if they all went to war and died, wouldn't it sum up to alot more gays left here on earth?

Guess that would be a good thing for us anyway but it Is something to laugh about isn't it?

For me at least..

Ha Ha..

Better?

well i haven't been posting anything because my laptop has KO-ed.
for those who do not know, this is equivalent to cutting my legs and asking me to run.
my laptop was more than the only source of entertainment, it was my library, my connection to the outside world, to my family, it was my newspaper.. easier said.. it was my everything.
all my music.. my work.. it's all there..

been using my roommate's laptop for the moment till i figure out what to do with mine.

been having breakdowns recently. can't seem to get my life in order. 3rd in medic school is more than stressful. and i'm so busy that days seem to just fly by so fast. only one more month to end of my semester. been having tests daily and sometimes it's just hard to breathe.

somehow life at the moment just seems like a total mess. I'M at total mess. i get so depressed sometimes just thinking bout my grandmother, my ex, my financial situation. i hate worrying. i'm never the type to worry bout things like this and now it just seems to be piling up on me. I let it all out when i drink. Everytime i drink, i cry.

Just wanna get my life in order. I still feel so lost that I can't seem to figure out what i want. I don't know what i want. I pray time will tell..
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Love just seems to be in my face all the time. and i really don't need it. it hurts me.
Came across boyzone's new video and it's just full of it but it's somewhat soothing, especially seeing Stephen Gately getting lovey dovey with Kenny Solomons.

Glad i only go back there for 3 months max..

i wonder how we come to the conclusion that we're special to someone...

just to be crushed when you find out

you're actually not..

Are we all not just Men

If we fight for the things that we believe in,
If we fight for the things that matter to us,
If we fight for hope,
If we fight for the truth, or freedom, or peace,
If we fight for the people we care about,

Are we all not just men..

If we fight for Love.