Lesbians Die After Setting Selves On Fire
this isn't their pic btw, just found it a long time ago. seemed appropriate to put up.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
what would it take for people to accept PLU
I wonder if the world doesn't change, would it all end up to something similar..
Lesbians Die After Setting Selves On Fire
this isn't their pic btw, just found it a long time ago. seemed appropriate to put up.
Lesbians Die After Setting Selves On Fire
this isn't their pic btw, just found it a long time ago. seemed appropriate to put up.
It's a saturday night. I get insomnia on saturday nights. I'm not sleepy, not tired, not aware.... and i tend to just sit down and talk to myself. And when I get bored of talking to myself, I type out whatever is in my head. Which is pure, unadulterated nonsense, most of the time. I don't know why I do this. I've been doing this ever since I was a teenager, which of course I'm not anymore. Why do people do that? Right when you hit 20, is it so much fun to say "when I was a teen.. ". No idea. And so, I start thinking, and that hamster in my head is running the wheel..
and there it goes...
'I think more than half the people in this world knows what solitude is. To lay down in bed alone night after night wishing that someone could just be there beside them. The nights are the worse. It's that period of time, before you drift off to sleep that your mind starts wandering to thoughts that would only make you toss and turn in bed even more, or for some to just cry themselves to sleep. I begin to wonder how many people in this world can actually claim that they're happy. To me, happiness, it's an emotion that's so easy to find, but sometimes to hard to gain. You see it all around, on people's faces, in their laughter, and sometimes that just makes me green. I think people who are happy, tend to be oblivious to others who are not, and those who aren't, are too involved in their own emotions that they don't realise those who are in the same boat.'
At this point, I have a feeling I should just stop. I know i'm gonna sound like a maniac if i continue on just typing whatever comes to mind. I actually have alot of this self conversations saved somewhere on my laptop. I actually miss the times, before laptops and desktops were invented, where instead of doing this, we had to scribble everything out on paper with a pencil or a pen and to just crumple up that piece of paper was satisfying. Now, you have to hit that backspace on your key board. That doesn't even release any tension built up. Plus it looks lame. Crumpling up that paper would have at least shown that you're transfering all your anger there, and throwing it away would be symbolising you letting all your anger go. See, it's metaphorical.
Right, the sun is up and this post is so random, that it doesn't even make any sense. I dont care. To my darling, I know you'll complain bout this post, so before you say anything, I wanna say.. I love youuu.. lol. Gnite dear. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
~end~
and there it goes...
'I think more than half the people in this world knows what solitude is. To lay down in bed alone night after night wishing that someone could just be there beside them. The nights are the worse. It's that period of time, before you drift off to sleep that your mind starts wandering to thoughts that would only make you toss and turn in bed even more, or for some to just cry themselves to sleep. I begin to wonder how many people in this world can actually claim that they're happy. To me, happiness, it's an emotion that's so easy to find, but sometimes to hard to gain. You see it all around, on people's faces, in their laughter, and sometimes that just makes me green. I think people who are happy, tend to be oblivious to others who are not, and those who aren't, are too involved in their own emotions that they don't realise those who are in the same boat.'
At this point, I have a feeling I should just stop. I know i'm gonna sound like a maniac if i continue on just typing whatever comes to mind. I actually have alot of this self conversations saved somewhere on my laptop. I actually miss the times, before laptops and desktops were invented, where instead of doing this, we had to scribble everything out on paper with a pencil or a pen and to just crumple up that piece of paper was satisfying. Now, you have to hit that backspace on your key board. That doesn't even release any tension built up. Plus it looks lame. Crumpling up that paper would have at least shown that you're transfering all your anger there, and throwing it away would be symbolising you letting all your anger go. See, it's metaphorical.
Right, the sun is up and this post is so random, that it doesn't even make any sense. I dont care. To my darling, I know you'll complain bout this post, so before you say anything, I wanna say.. I love youuu.. lol. Gnite dear. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
~end~
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Glory, glory Man Utd!!
They won! Woot!
Much to lazy to write anything. Just felt like putting pictures of the UEFA pre-game fest. up. I only had two hours of sleep yesterday. Did some last minute cramming after watching the match. Kinda beat now but can't sleep. Anyway more pics to come..
Much to lazy to write anything. Just felt like putting pictures of the UEFA pre-game fest. up. I only had two hours of sleep yesterday. Did some last minute cramming after watching the match. Kinda beat now but can't sleep. Anyway more pics to come..
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
UEFA in Moscow
Today was an eventful day for me. I woke up at 9.30am with the plan to go to red square today. Yes, UEFA finals are here in Moscow and they've set up booths and all sorts of games and free souvenirs to collect and knowing us Malaysians, getting freebies is what we do best. Even at Tesco or Giant or other supermarkets, when handing out free food, you know we'll go at least twice, taking two or three tiny pieces of cutlets on toothpicks at a go.
"This is for my brother, and that's for my mum, my dad, how bout my sis too, uncle, aunty, cousin, grandma, grandpa" and all sorts of other relatives you could think of at that time.
Anyway when I arrived there, the placed was already packed with people. I started off lining up to take a picture with The trophy that was in a glass box. Tell you one thing, it's good to know alot of people, and to be able to talk well, for it helps u in life. And that helped me alot today because I managed to bump myself and my friends all the way up to almost the finish of the line.Wee. In the mean time, we took shifts waiting in line, so we could walk around and explored the rest of the booths. They were giving away free pins, and bags and everything that I managed to take, I took at least 3 or 4. Hehe.
Ex players of Chelsea and Manchester United were there to sign autographs today as well. And it was my mistake that I didnt follow my friends to see him for they were giving away free t-shirts! But I did pass the bags that I had for her to get a signature from Graeme Le Saux which was good enough for me. I wanted one from Man U as well but my friend forgot to get it signed.
I did get a master card (fake one of course) that's in black, written with orange words, UEFA champions final Moscow 2008 with my face on the side, holding a trophy. All done thru a computer. But damn, we had to wait in line for more than 2 hours and I started growing impatient towards the end because blardee Russians at the back were pushing, complaining that they had waited for far too long. Ruffians. Everyone was tensed at that point. Even my friend at the back starting biting my shoulder. I thought she was just placing her chin on my shoulder, which I'm sure you realised it's painful (if someone has done that to you). Anyway, she did bite me, twice, which did freak me out a bit, but i guess under this circumstances, everyone's bound to get a little wild. I was standing next to this Malaysian guy which I mistook for a Russian girl earlier and had said to him "Blah la, pompuan" only to have him look back at me in shock. I quickly turned away. Hehe. He was trying to cut in front of me at that time but i forgot that he was the guy who had initially been standing in front of me. Befriended him later on anyway.
There was this playstation booth as well. And... they had a contest. A karaoke contest! I think one thing foreigners don't know about Malaysians are, they're artistic musically. Sort of in a tribal way, you would say.. Haha. You know we have syairs which is kinda like poetic reading i guess. Even reading their Quran, they have this sing song way of reading it. I think that's why Malays' are good singers. Anyway, the Malaysians (most of them were from my uni) were crowding the booth, beating all the high scores of others before them. All were singing with one goal, to win the PS3 which was the prize given to winner. And then, I step in.. muahahahahhaha. I had no intention of getting high points or anything. I just sang for the fun of it. All the more I was having flu and cough which made my voice sound very nasal. Singing to Mr Brightside, I suddenly came to an amount of 9528 points which is about a few points short of the max which was 10,000. Now, if they had they given prizes for the highest scorer of that day, then, that PS3 would have been mine. But unfortunately that is of course not the case and it wouldn't matter to me, except for the fact that I'm being pressure by my friends to go ahead tomorrow and sing in order to get the perfect score, because they heard that is what someone else had. Shall update you on that, and hopefully by tomorrow I can safely say that a PS3 is on the way. I'm not excited about getting PS3 anyway. Just excited about winning a contest, because as far as I can remember... I don't think I ever did.
K.O-ed from the day. And I've got very numb legs right now. Friggin hungry too. Gonna snack a bit and sleep. Gnite world.
"This is for my brother, and that's for my mum, my dad, how bout my sis too, uncle, aunty, cousin, grandma, grandpa" and all sorts of other relatives you could think of at that time.
Anyway when I arrived there, the placed was already packed with people. I started off lining up to take a picture with The trophy that was in a glass box. Tell you one thing, it's good to know alot of people, and to be able to talk well, for it helps u in life. And that helped me alot today because I managed to bump myself and my friends all the way up to almost the finish of the line.Wee. In the mean time, we took shifts waiting in line, so we could walk around and explored the rest of the booths. They were giving away free pins, and bags and everything that I managed to take, I took at least 3 or 4. Hehe.
Ex players of Chelsea and Manchester United were there to sign autographs today as well. And it was my mistake that I didnt follow my friends to see him for they were giving away free t-shirts! But I did pass the bags that I had for her to get a signature from Graeme Le Saux which was good enough for me. I wanted one from Man U as well but my friend forgot to get it signed.
I did get a master card (fake one of course) that's in black, written with orange words, UEFA champions final Moscow 2008 with my face on the side, holding a trophy. All done thru a computer. But damn, we had to wait in line for more than 2 hours and I started growing impatient towards the end because blardee Russians at the back were pushing, complaining that they had waited for far too long. Ruffians. Everyone was tensed at that point. Even my friend at the back starting biting my shoulder. I thought she was just placing her chin on my shoulder, which I'm sure you realised it's painful (if someone has done that to you). Anyway, she did bite me, twice, which did freak me out a bit, but i guess under this circumstances, everyone's bound to get a little wild. I was standing next to this Malaysian guy which I mistook for a Russian girl earlier and had said to him "Blah la, pompuan" only to have him look back at me in shock. I quickly turned away. Hehe. He was trying to cut in front of me at that time but i forgot that he was the guy who had initially been standing in front of me. Befriended him later on anyway.
There was this playstation booth as well. And... they had a contest. A karaoke contest! I think one thing foreigners don't know about Malaysians are, they're artistic musically. Sort of in a tribal way, you would say.. Haha. You know we have syairs which is kinda like poetic reading i guess. Even reading their Quran, they have this sing song way of reading it. I think that's why Malays' are good singers. Anyway, the Malaysians (most of them were from my uni) were crowding the booth, beating all the high scores of others before them. All were singing with one goal, to win the PS3 which was the prize given to winner. And then, I step in.. muahahahahhaha. I had no intention of getting high points or anything. I just sang for the fun of it. All the more I was having flu and cough which made my voice sound very nasal. Singing to Mr Brightside, I suddenly came to an amount of 9528 points which is about a few points short of the max which was 10,000. Now, if they had they given prizes for the highest scorer of that day, then, that PS3 would have been mine. But unfortunately that is of course not the case and it wouldn't matter to me, except for the fact that I'm being pressure by my friends to go ahead tomorrow and sing in order to get the perfect score, because they heard that is what someone else had. Shall update you on that, and hopefully by tomorrow I can safely say that a PS3 is on the way. I'm not excited about getting PS3 anyway. Just excited about winning a contest, because as far as I can remember... I don't think I ever did.
K.O-ed from the day. And I've got very numb legs right now. Friggin hungry too. Gonna snack a bit and sleep. Gnite world.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Ah-khu suck-kit
That's aku sakit(i'm sick) to those who didnt get it. Don't even ask. Lame, I know.
It's funny how before this when I was healthy and well, the thought of blogging never even entered my mind, but now, drowsy from the cough syrup and with my immune system down, making me physically weak, I lay in bed trying to sleep only to have this urge to write something down.
I actually did fall asleep for awhile, but woke up gasping for air because while I was sleeping, my nose got blocked. Like, really blocked and I guess if I didnt wake up, I would have just died. The main reason why I didnt want to blog for so long was because so many things were happening to me all at the same time that I just didnt know what to do with my life anymore. One of my probs would be about H. My roomate, my friend, the one person I could talk to about anything besides B was her. And now, she's coupled up with a friend of ours. A close friend. The three of us would usually hang out together, go out together, cook together. Everyone knows 3's a crowd. So naturally the expected happened. I felt left out, I didnt know how to act normal around them anymore and everything they did, for me was moving too fast, from playfully pushing each other, to the silly giggles, to holding hands, hugging waists, and resting heads on each other's shoulder was just too much for me to handle. I notice all this, Oh yes, I observe them for afar even though I know it makes me cringe I just can't help it. I had a little trouble deciding on where to go from there on. I avoided them alot and hardly spoke to either. I guess I wasn't really prepared for all this having stayed in the denial stage and refusing to move forward. But I'm happy to say I learned how to make my peace with this "dilemma" and though it may not be the best of ways which everyone has hoped, I'm proud to say that I'm happy.
Not alot of people may know this about me, but at most point and highlights of my life, I only remember being sad. My mum once told me when she found out I was gay, that people like me it seems are very emotional. "No wonder, you're like that," she said. I believe that it's true, that people who are homosexuals tend to be more emotional, more mentally unstable and more suicidal than heterosexuals. We tend to think a bit too much and get affected easily by others. Can you really blame us for being this way, when our whole lives we're brought up to believe that who we are now is not under the category of normal. And at our teen years, everyone has a hard enough time fitting in and trying to find themselves and be the person that they really are, what more for a teenager who is gay. Afraid of being jeered by their peers, of names such as queer, freak, or weirdo, we tend to just lock ourselves up in the room, praying for a change. Not in others, but in ourselves. In the early stages, I can bet that most people who are homosexuals would have at least wished they weren't so. Life would be easier, no doubt, but life never is anyway. But when we do come to terms with who we are and we learn to accept ourselves, we usually come out stronger than the rest, having that screw-you-i-don't-care-what-you-think attitude would definitely make life a lot easier to live by.
It's funny how before this when I was healthy and well, the thought of blogging never even entered my mind, but now, drowsy from the cough syrup and with my immune system down, making me physically weak, I lay in bed trying to sleep only to have this urge to write something down.
I actually did fall asleep for awhile, but woke up gasping for air because while I was sleeping, my nose got blocked. Like, really blocked and I guess if I didnt wake up, I would have just died. The main reason why I didnt want to blog for so long was because so many things were happening to me all at the same time that I just didnt know what to do with my life anymore. One of my probs would be about H. My roomate, my friend, the one person I could talk to about anything besides B was her. And now, she's coupled up with a friend of ours. A close friend. The three of us would usually hang out together, go out together, cook together. Everyone knows 3's a crowd. So naturally the expected happened. I felt left out, I didnt know how to act normal around them anymore and everything they did, for me was moving too fast, from playfully pushing each other, to the silly giggles, to holding hands, hugging waists, and resting heads on each other's shoulder was just too much for me to handle. I notice all this, Oh yes, I observe them for afar even though I know it makes me cringe I just can't help it. I had a little trouble deciding on where to go from there on. I avoided them alot and hardly spoke to either. I guess I wasn't really prepared for all this having stayed in the denial stage and refusing to move forward. But I'm happy to say I learned how to make my peace with this "dilemma" and though it may not be the best of ways which everyone has hoped, I'm proud to say that I'm happy.
Not alot of people may know this about me, but at most point and highlights of my life, I only remember being sad. My mum once told me when she found out I was gay, that people like me it seems are very emotional. "No wonder, you're like that," she said. I believe that it's true, that people who are homosexuals tend to be more emotional, more mentally unstable and more suicidal than heterosexuals. We tend to think a bit too much and get affected easily by others. Can you really blame us for being this way, when our whole lives we're brought up to believe that who we are now is not under the category of normal. And at our teen years, everyone has a hard enough time fitting in and trying to find themselves and be the person that they really are, what more for a teenager who is gay. Afraid of being jeered by their peers, of names such as queer, freak, or weirdo, we tend to just lock ourselves up in the room, praying for a change. Not in others, but in ourselves. In the early stages, I can bet that most people who are homosexuals would have at least wished they weren't so. Life would be easier, no doubt, but life never is anyway. But when we do come to terms with who we are and we learn to accept ourselves, we usually come out stronger than the rest, having that screw-you-i-don't-care-what-you-think attitude would definitely make life a lot easier to live by.
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