Seems like a good time to update my blog. havent much else to do anyway. i gave up trying to study after staring at the pages filled with pictures of eyeballs. Had a stupid fire drill this morning. The effects of the recent mishap. Due to one girl's mistake, everyone else must suffer, sacrificing our Sunday's sleep-in for an evacuation of the building. I for one, from the very beginning did not intend to walk down flights of stairs only to be herded into another building like cattle. I made it a point to wake up half and hour earlier, so i could treat myself to breakfast at Mcdonalds. An option most of the other students took as well. Came back only when i heard that all is done and took a good 4 hour nap..
Niceeee...
Body's been aching the whole day. Spent 3 hours yesterday just running around. An hour for futsal and 2 for handball. Though i've been walking around with minimal hence robotic looking movements, i must say i have no regrets. Pain is pleasure..
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Dear, blog.. i'm not sure if i should tell you this, for i am embarrassed still for what i've done last week. Never have i lost my cool so much, being frustated, lost and randomly confiding in a person whom i not really close to.
Yes, all this was done under the influence of alcohol.
Wine, to be precise..
Here is where i admit defeat. I lost to wine. I can control myself, consuming beer, and other means of cocktails and liquor. But wine.. it's just too relaxing a drink for me to be aware of when i've reached that certain level where my tongue is looser than the vaginas of porn stars.
In my defense, had i been in a clear state of mind.. I would have probably reacted the same way.
I was drinking with her and J. She always get a little too friendly with me when she's loosen up. Leaning against my shoulder and hugging me adding in little pecks on my cheeks.
She has made her intentions quite clear before that all she wanted was friendship (though she claims she still likes me) just to keep things simple because at the end of the day, neither of us wanted a relationship and she's fucked up in a certain way that she still needs to fool around with someone else she doesnt have feelings for.
When she does things like that though, it gives me hope. Yea, maybe that's why i'm still sticking around. Hoping, or knowing that one day, she would eventually stop. In the midst, of us drinking she said she had reached her limit. I offered to walk her back to her room. Her reply was, "Do me a favour. Don't."
I knew where she was headed. You don't just spent a whole night cuddling up close to someone then decide to run off into the arms of someone else. I got pissed. I lost my cool. I went out, punched a damn wall and banged my head on the balcony bars. Went into J's room with a face so fucked up, he had terror in his eyes. That i remember clearly. He asked me to sleep it off, not knowing what else to say. I went out to take a puff, as i heard the melodious sound of guitar strings being strummed. Knowing who it was, i went towards the sound of music. Blabbered for a bit, went down to get the remaining bottle of wine and headed back up again to continue where i left off.
Everything after that was a blur. I remembered being sent down to my room. And woke up to a note on my laptop, a cup of tea on my table and a damp cloth by my chair. Fuck.. what have i gotten myself into and what the crap did i let out.
Ripple effects of my actions lead to her and her fool around buddy. I'm not sure of the specifics, because she did not say, and i don't quite wanna know. I felt a pang of guilt though, knowing that i muddled in someone elses crap. But at the same time i really don't care. Just taking this as a lesson to never drink stupid again around others and when i'm vulnerable. She doesnt mention bout it anymore, but i still have to take crap from J who constantly reminds me of my defeat to wine.
And as for that girl i confided in, she was smart enough not to repeat what i had let out, to me.
Certain things are just best to push aside.
