Monday, May 19, 2008
Ah-khu suck-kit
That's aku sakit(i'm sick) to those who didnt get it. Don't even ask. Lame, I know.
It's funny how before this when I was healthy and well, the thought of blogging never even entered my mind, but now, drowsy from the cough syrup and with my immune system down, making me physically weak, I lay in bed trying to sleep only to have this urge to write something down.
I actually did fall asleep for awhile, but woke up gasping for air because while I was sleeping, my nose got blocked. Like, really blocked and I guess if I didnt wake up, I would have just died. The main reason why I didnt want to blog for so long was because so many things were happening to me all at the same time that I just didnt know what to do with my life anymore. One of my probs would be about H. My roomate, my friend, the one person I could talk to about anything besides B was her. And now, she's coupled up with a friend of ours. A close friend. The three of us would usually hang out together, go out together, cook together. Everyone knows 3's a crowd. So naturally the expected happened. I felt left out, I didnt know how to act normal around them anymore and everything they did, for me was moving too fast, from playfully pushing each other, to the silly giggles, to holding hands, hugging waists, and resting heads on each other's shoulder was just too much for me to handle. I notice all this, Oh yes, I observe them for afar even though I know it makes me cringe I just can't help it. I had a little trouble deciding on where to go from there on. I avoided them alot and hardly spoke to either. I guess I wasn't really prepared for all this having stayed in the denial stage and refusing to move forward. But I'm happy to say I learned how to make my peace with this "dilemma" and though it may not be the best of ways which everyone has hoped, I'm proud to say that I'm happy.
Not alot of people may know this about me, but at most point and highlights of my life, I only remember being sad. My mum once told me when she found out I was gay, that people like me it seems are very emotional. "No wonder, you're like that," she said. I believe that it's true, that people who are homosexuals tend to be more emotional, more mentally unstable and more suicidal than heterosexuals. We tend to think a bit too much and get affected easily by others. Can you really blame us for being this way, when our whole lives we're brought up to believe that who we are now is not under the category of normal. And at our teen years, everyone has a hard enough time fitting in and trying to find themselves and be the person that they really are, what more for a teenager who is gay. Afraid of being jeered by their peers, of names such as queer, freak, or weirdo, we tend to just lock ourselves up in the room, praying for a change. Not in others, but in ourselves. In the early stages, I can bet that most people who are homosexuals would have at least wished they weren't so. Life would be easier, no doubt, but life never is anyway. But when we do come to terms with who we are and we learn to accept ourselves, we usually come out stronger than the rest, having that screw-you-i-don't-care-what-you-think attitude would definitely make life a lot easier to live by.
It's funny how before this when I was healthy and well, the thought of blogging never even entered my mind, but now, drowsy from the cough syrup and with my immune system down, making me physically weak, I lay in bed trying to sleep only to have this urge to write something down.
I actually did fall asleep for awhile, but woke up gasping for air because while I was sleeping, my nose got blocked. Like, really blocked and I guess if I didnt wake up, I would have just died. The main reason why I didnt want to blog for so long was because so many things were happening to me all at the same time that I just didnt know what to do with my life anymore. One of my probs would be about H. My roomate, my friend, the one person I could talk to about anything besides B was her. And now, she's coupled up with a friend of ours. A close friend. The three of us would usually hang out together, go out together, cook together. Everyone knows 3's a crowd. So naturally the expected happened. I felt left out, I didnt know how to act normal around them anymore and everything they did, for me was moving too fast, from playfully pushing each other, to the silly giggles, to holding hands, hugging waists, and resting heads on each other's shoulder was just too much for me to handle. I notice all this, Oh yes, I observe them for afar even though I know it makes me cringe I just can't help it. I had a little trouble deciding on where to go from there on. I avoided them alot and hardly spoke to either. I guess I wasn't really prepared for all this having stayed in the denial stage and refusing to move forward. But I'm happy to say I learned how to make my peace with this "dilemma" and though it may not be the best of ways which everyone has hoped, I'm proud to say that I'm happy.
Not alot of people may know this about me, but at most point and highlights of my life, I only remember being sad. My mum once told me when she found out I was gay, that people like me it seems are very emotional. "No wonder, you're like that," she said. I believe that it's true, that people who are homosexuals tend to be more emotional, more mentally unstable and more suicidal than heterosexuals. We tend to think a bit too much and get affected easily by others. Can you really blame us for being this way, when our whole lives we're brought up to believe that who we are now is not under the category of normal. And at our teen years, everyone has a hard enough time fitting in and trying to find themselves and be the person that they really are, what more for a teenager who is gay. Afraid of being jeered by their peers, of names such as queer, freak, or weirdo, we tend to just lock ourselves up in the room, praying for a change. Not in others, but in ourselves. In the early stages, I can bet that most people who are homosexuals would have at least wished they weren't so. Life would be easier, no doubt, but life never is anyway. But when we do come to terms with who we are and we learn to accept ourselves, we usually come out stronger than the rest, having that screw-you-i-don't-care-what-you-think attitude would definitely make life a lot easier to live by.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Weather's been unpredicatable as it has always been. It's Moscow. Not much expectation I guess. Been sunny the whole of last week that I had to strip down to just one layer and the next week it's cold, rainy, and there was even a day of snow. Who would believe. It's suppose to be spring, yet here it is, white, frozen droplets of what's suppose to be rain.
Haven't been doing much these few days except jumping like a maniac, practicing for dances for an annual dinner that's coming soon. Trying to remember the last time I went walking around Moscow. Seems so long ago. Can't wait for all this to be over so I can just reclaim back the hours that I usually use to do my own stuff... Like shisha till I get a blardee migrane. (it's worth it i tell you!!) Thinking of getting one where I can call my own. Till then I'll use what I can only a temporary but faithful friend, S.
collection of tabak(tobacco). We got alot more later on =)
Haven't been doing much these few days except jumping like a maniac, practicing for dances for an annual dinner that's coming soon. Trying to remember the last time I went walking around Moscow. Seems so long ago. Can't wait for all this to be over so I can just reclaim back the hours that I usually use to do my own stuff... Like shisha till I get a blardee migrane. (it's worth it i tell you!!) Thinking of getting one where I can call my own. Till then I'll use what I can only a temporary but faithful friend, S.
me buddy,S
collection of tabak(tobacco). We got alot more later on =)More to come later on. Kinda beat over an incident. Gnite world.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Ha Lok
Damn, haven't posted for a very long time. It's officially april and as usual my yearly pranks on this day must be kept up to tradition. Have already chosen my victim and the mission will commence at 1600 hours tommorow. I hope. Time is not really set though. We'll just have to wait for the prey to come to us now won't we. Went to Hard Rock today. It's the first time I've stepped into that place for the 3 years that I've been here. Nothing much to say really. Frankly, TGIF was a much better to place to hang out at. The food was not up to it's standard, as we were continously saying that it's overrated and overpriced. Major dissapointment on our behalf that my roomate just had to comment on the food to the waiter, in which he only gave a weak smile and walked off. I had half a mind to just run off without paying or at least ask for a refund. In the end we decided to be civilized, so we stole all the sugars, salts, sweeteners, tissues, pepper, etc. As everything looked quite posh, we were all expected to behave at our best, which was quite hard to do, and made the night quite dull because to be honest, it could have been more fun. Plus, the meal ruined my mood. Grrrr... I guess I would say, the only thing worth looking at for me over there were the guitar's and watnot's on the walls and the fact that the waitresses were wearing reaaaallly shorrttt mini skirrtsss.. don't judge, just washing eyes (directly translated from malay which is cuci mata).
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Up your nose!
Hey, baby. Yea my semester is much more relaxing as compared to the last, but somehow I'm Much too relaxed to sit down and blog about anything at all. I know, that I was suppose to post up the third day of your last visit here. Never gotten around to it. Every event is as fresh in my mind, like it just happened yesterday. So, no worries. It's all up here *taps the side of head, only to find it produces hollow sounds*. Well, as I said, there isn't much to do this semester so my brain has pretty much been left to deteriorate. But I Have been reading a couple of books lately, in hopes that it would keep me occupied, and it does. Oh, I'll never forget the day I came back from class, took a shower, played some music, and just laid in bed with one hand holding a book, the other behind my head. I've never been so relaxed. Well, at least not in Moscow. Time stood still for me that day, as I read myself to sleep, only to wake up and continue flipping those pages. I have found my haven, just being right there, cuddling in between the sheets and my comforter.
Perfume, was the name of the book I was indulged in. I swear I had never heard of the book, nor the movie which apparently was quite popular. The plot of the story had immediately captured my attention that in midst of reading the book, I watched the movie too. I knew it would spoil the whole purpose of reading the book, but I was just so intrigued by it I couldn't help myself. Thankfully, much was changed in the movie, from the book itself and I had the pleasure of combining both while I continued reading it. I must say, that the book did have an impact on me for a few days, for as the character of the book appreciated the sense of smell so much that for every type of aroma, did he have a particular way of describing it, that I'm sure most would not have heard of. At first, I did write down all those words in my excitement, and influence of the book, writing the meanings of the words that describes, the foulest of odours, or the scent of a thousand angels, what not, only to come back down to earth with the realization I would never use this sort of language to describe scent or smell, for I could never appreciate the odours, let alone tell them apart from others, so what the heck. But that didnt stop me from smelling the food I ate before I tasted it, or inhaling the air, trying to smell what Spring smelled like. I did that for a couple of days, I think. I soon got weary of it, and the effect of the book has faded, but not completely, for the next time I smell anything, I would remember the importance of scent and how it actually affects us all, without us knowing it.
Perfume, was the name of the book I was indulged in. I swear I had never heard of the book, nor the movie which apparently was quite popular. The plot of the story had immediately captured my attention that in midst of reading the book, I watched the movie too. I knew it would spoil the whole purpose of reading the book, but I was just so intrigued by it I couldn't help myself. Thankfully, much was changed in the movie, from the book itself and I had the pleasure of combining both while I continued reading it. I must say, that the book did have an impact on me for a few days, for as the character of the book appreciated the sense of smell so much that for every type of aroma, did he have a particular way of describing it, that I'm sure most would not have heard of. At first, I did write down all those words in my excitement, and influence of the book, writing the meanings of the words that describes, the foulest of odours, or the scent of a thousand angels, what not, only to come back down to earth with the realization I would never use this sort of language to describe scent or smell, for I could never appreciate the odours, let alone tell them apart from others, so what the heck. But that didnt stop me from smelling the food I ate before I tasted it, or inhaling the air, trying to smell what Spring smelled like. I did that for a couple of days, I think. I soon got weary of it, and the effect of the book has faded, but not completely, for the next time I smell anything, I would remember the importance of scent and how it actually affects us all, without us knowing it.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Moscow Moments
Baby, take a look at this page
http://flickr.com/search/?q=moscow
Isn't Moscow just so beautiful? Made me almost tear up when looking at those beautiful photographs. Reminded me of our short-lived break we had together, both in summer and winter. Stuck in the library now trying to finish up one of my Economics essay, while everyone else is having Mamak Night courtesy of Ma1aysian Club... :( Who needs mamak food when I can get posh English meals anytime right?! *uwaaaaaa*. It's okay it's owhkayy, short-term sacrifice! Miss you as always ayang. Wonder where you are right now. Talk to you soon as we drift off to never never land like last night :)
Bucket loads of love,
Key's.
p.s.: When are you going to blog sayang? I thought this semester is damn easy going har...
http://flickr.com/search/?q=moscow
Isn't Moscow just so beautiful? Made me almost tear up when looking at those beautiful photographs. Reminded me of our short-lived break we had together, both in summer and winter. Stuck in the library now trying to finish up one of my Economics essay, while everyone else is having Mamak Night courtesy of Ma1aysian Club... :( Who needs mamak food when I can get posh English meals anytime right?! *uwaaaaaa*. It's okay it's owhkayy, short-term sacrifice! Miss you as always ayang. Wonder where you are right now. Talk to you soon as we drift off to never never land like last night :)
Bucket loads of love,
Key's.
p.s.: When are you going to blog sayang? I thought this semester is damn easy going har...
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day
To,
my darling,
There is never a day where I didnt love you. Through all the years we've been together, I've only learned to love you more. It's true as couples stay longer together, we tend to uncover each other's flaws. You have bad points, so do I. But through it all, I still want to be with you. Only you and no one else. Let us build our dreams together and live it one day. Love you dear.
my darling,
There is never a day where I didnt love you. Through all the years we've been together, I've only learned to love you more. It's true as couples stay longer together, we tend to uncover each other's flaws. You have bad points, so do I. But through it all, I still want to be with you. Only you and no one else. Let us build our dreams together and live it one day. Love you dear.
With many more Valentine's Day together and much more love,
Your ayg
And with this lame post and declaration of love to you, I shall upload this picture, just because I know you'll squeal with delight.
Я люблю тебя
Your ayg
And with this lame post and declaration of love to you, I shall upload this picture, just because I know you'll squeal with delight.
Я люблю тебяHe's Baaaackkkkkk..
Some people are just plain oblivious. Either that or their friggin ignorant. Bladdy irritant next door has been away for a month and that's the most that I ever got out of a good sleep. He's the worst neighbour ever. Bladdy punjab, blasting songs and screaming. I've made my peace with it. But there are times, when I actually have to go for classes and this moron is next door partying away till 8 in the morning, and I wanted to just stay silent bout it. I stood outside my room, in my kitchen and fell asleep standing. It hit me just then, that I had to give him a piece of my mind, or land a fist in his face. Either one would make me happy.
I really appreciated the days when he went back to Malaysia, but gawwwwwdddd he's backkkkkk.. I'm gonna bury my head with pillows tonight. If anyone knows how to hack a computer or send a virus, that would just crash his whole cpu down, please let me know. In dire need of help... Helppppp...
I really appreciated the days when he went back to Malaysia, but gawwwwwdddd he's backkkkkk.. I'm gonna bury my head with pillows tonight. If anyone knows how to hack a computer or send a virus, that would just crash his whole cpu down, please let me know. In dire need of help... Helppppp...
Friday, February 8, 2008
If you're bored..
Do this..
Watch this trailer of Untraceable first.
cool huh?
When you're done, go over to this website.
And let the games begin.
Have fun!
PS: the movie is crap even though the idea for the whole thing was good.
Watch this trailer of Untraceable first.
cool huh?
When you're done, go over to this website.
And let the games begin.
Have fun!
PS: the movie is crap even though the idea for the whole thing was good.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Gong Xi Fa Choy
This year is officially the first year that I've ever celebrated Chinese New Year with my friends. I'm the only pure chinese in my group and being that, we've never had any real chinese food during potlucks or any other gatherings. The food would usually consist of Malay mixed Indian dishes and not one drop of Chinese culture would be added in. So, this year, I decided to hold a Chinese New Year party, for my groupmates and a few of my friends. It was all set. I was going to make the perfect Chinese meal for them.
Dinner consisted of Chikuteh (their request), Steamboat, Mee Hun Kuey and Lor Han Kor which I made. Fried taufu, and fried rice sponsered by my other friends and for desert, we had Tong Yuen and Mandrin Oranges. I also put out groundnuts, which Chinese people love so much. It was perfect to me. But upon naming some of the dishes, I was more that surprised to find out that none of them knew wat Mee Hun Kuey or Lor Han Kor (a drink made from Buddha's fruit) was. Makes it all the more fun for me to introduce those dishes to them. Of course, the first step would be memorizing the name, and to them, it's all rocket science. Lor Han Kor became Lor Hong Kong, and Long Kong, even Long Kang -_-''
Now, I had left the window for YouTube open since my friends wanted to listen to some Chinese Songs and I only have like 4 Chinese songs in my laptop, so I played songs from there instead. Blasting Gong Xi Fa Chai songs are quite irritating to me. I'm not that chinese after all, but my friend D, seemed to have a pretty good time singing along to the words of that blasted song, rocking his head from side to side.(he's Malay btw). Anyway, when the others arrived, they started searching for lion dance videos on YouTube and that's when they all got stuck. Eating good Chinese food and watching lion dance and imitating them as well *rolls eyes. I had asked all of those who were coming to wear red for the gathering, and you can imagine more than 10 people, crowding in a tiny room, all wearing red, must have been pretty confusing for the people outside passing by. They kept asking me what's going on, especially those who weren't Malaysians.
Dinner was followed up by another chinese tradition, Gambling! Of course we didnt really gamble. I distributed my collection of kopeks (russian coins) and considered them as chips. One chip was worth a million just to spice things up. We played Cho Tai Ti (big two), Gim, and my all time favourite Poker. We played up to 12am before we decided to call it a day. Our 2nd semester officially started on the 7th. And seeing as how I'm typing this post at such a time, it just means that I didnt wake up in time to go for my classes. To hell with it, it's Chinese New Year after all! Gong Xi Fatt Choy to all!
Dinner consisted of Chikuteh (their request), Steamboat, Mee Hun Kuey and Lor Han Kor which I made. Fried taufu, and fried rice sponsered by my other friends and for desert, we had Tong Yuen and Mandrin Oranges. I also put out groundnuts, which Chinese people love so much. It was perfect to me. But upon naming some of the dishes, I was more that surprised to find out that none of them knew wat Mee Hun Kuey or Lor Han Kor (a drink made from Buddha's fruit) was. Makes it all the more fun for me to introduce those dishes to them. Of course, the first step would be memorizing the name, and to them, it's all rocket science. Lor Han Kor became Lor Hong Kong, and Long Kong, even Long Kang -_-''
Now, I had left the window for YouTube open since my friends wanted to listen to some Chinese Songs and I only have like 4 Chinese songs in my laptop, so I played songs from there instead. Blasting Gong Xi Fa Chai songs are quite irritating to me. I'm not that chinese after all, but my friend D, seemed to have a pretty good time singing along to the words of that blasted song, rocking his head from side to side.(he's Malay btw). Anyway, when the others arrived, they started searching for lion dance videos on YouTube and that's when they all got stuck. Eating good Chinese food and watching lion dance and imitating them as well *rolls eyes. I had asked all of those who were coming to wear red for the gathering, and you can imagine more than 10 people, crowding in a tiny room, all wearing red, must have been pretty confusing for the people outside passing by. They kept asking me what's going on, especially those who weren't Malaysians.
Dinner was followed up by another chinese tradition, Gambling! Of course we didnt really gamble. I distributed my collection of kopeks (russian coins) and considered them as chips. One chip was worth a million just to spice things up. We played Cho Tai Ti (big two), Gim, and my all time favourite Poker. We played up to 12am before we decided to call it a day. Our 2nd semester officially started on the 7th. And seeing as how I'm typing this post at such a time, it just means that I didnt wake up in time to go for my classes. To hell with it, it's Chinese New Year after all! Gong Xi Fatt Choy to all!
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