a little 'Me' time

I expected this year to be more relaxing. A little more time to myself. A wee bit more posts perhaps. But it's almost the end of the semester.. i never found time to surf the net like i used to..

I spend every saturday night playing futsal, that i make sure i spend my usual night activities on friday night. and from mondays to thursday i'm dead tired by the time i come back from class that i sleep the whole evening, and wake up with just enough time to have dinner, watch a movie and study.. and it's time to sleep again.

Winter has just begun and it's getting coooooold. Yeap, the nights are the worse. And i know that how? It's because i spent the entire night out, standing in an underground tunnel, waiting for the damn Metro to open up again at 530am. My friend and I had planned to go into a gay and lesbian club which we kinda figure out later on that it was either really exclusive, racist, or we really just didn't have the right look. Screw youuuu, Russians.

So we spend a few hours in a 24 hour Sushi restaurant, and the remaining hours being harassed by some drunkards who were waiting for the Metro to open as well. I found it kinda funny and amusing at the same time because i managed to have a proper conversation with them for a good half and hour before taking off and avoiding them the rest of the night. Overall, i was surprised i didnt have any regrets that night. Quite an experience, i must say. But fuck it, i'm never going out at night again till winter ends.. Brrrr.. Walking around with numbed up toes is the worse thing in the world. Really irks me up to the core. I get pissy and frustrated. And i curse like a motherfucker. No shit..

The only thing i'm looking forward to this winter is my euro trip. Woohoo. Change of plans as my mum wants me back for summer. So what the hell right. Winter prices are way cheaper than summer anyway. Best thing is, i don't have to ask for a single cent from my parents. It's all mine babehhh.. Guilt free! But first things first.. Exams... So.. hanging in there, and blow of steam laterrr.. euuyeaaahhhh. K i'm getting way ahead of myself.

Gotta sleep. Self declared holiday tmr.. Sleeping in ! woohoo XD

i know i should be sleeping right now...

as i sit here browsing blogs of other tenants/students in this hostel i realised the after effects of the whole no net scenario has caused bloggers to find other outlets to pour out onto or just find other means of idle, time consuming activity. Seems like their blogs have slowed down upon a yellow light or maybe i half expected everyone to be updating on their misery. But it seems to me at this point, that we're blogging out of obligation or habit. posting random sentences that would seem like a topic that should be given much thought to but it's really not (like what i'm doing now ) Perhaps what i'm doing is out of boredom (it's 2am, i can't sleep) or maybe it's the fact that i can't stand to see my blog not feed on my soul.. (eat... u musttt eat...)

Having an easy cycle this week. Came back from class way too early. Kinda prompted me to clean my entire room and still have time to spare before my evening nap. I swear i would have walked around Moscow after class if it weren't for the bladdy rain. Oh how i wish it'd snow instead. Started watching episode after episode of Glee and it came to this particular episode where Kurt; a gay, flamboyant, fashionable, boy, gathered up the courage to admit to his father about his sexuality. At that point of the show i actually held my breath anticipating his father's reaction. A thought entered my mind as i wondered that when straight people watched that exact same part, would they have reacted that way, admiring what that boy did. Because i can never in a million years imagine myself coming out to my folks the way he did (which is a good thing i never had to do that since they pried it out of me) But the sense of relief, knowing you never have to hide from them anymore makes it all worth while.

i'm invisible...

back from trip.

have to continue practicals again tmr for the next two weeks. hoping there would be more different cases each day if not i'll be sitting around the benches again getting shooed from one place to another. the nurses can be a bitch. yea you're more senior than us for now, that doesnt give you the right to treat us with any less respect. when kicked out of their resting room, we asked permission to sit in the patient's waiting hall by the doctors which they then locked. we get stares from sitting in the canteen. where else are we to go. sit by the damn longkang? finally got pally with the indian guards, and they showed us a quiet little garden way back of the hospital where we could relax.

practicals can get a bit boring towards midday. by then most of us find ourselves patient-less, sleepy, and tired from standing up the whole morning. what a way to spend the summer holidays.

the trip was good. though i have to admit my mornings were usually off. i never wake up feeling myself and my thoughts are usually else where. silence and a smile gets me through those times, come afternoon i'm usually much better. didn't buy much this time around. was looking for more formal clothes but couldn't find any good ones.


did stumble upon this shirt though. found it hard to resist putting it up here.

don he look juz like me..

have to start jogging again. my hours for my morning jog has been taken over by attachments.. and by the time i come back, i'm usually too exhausted. still, there's that discontented feeling if i dont exercise. plus i think my arm muscles are getting muscular atrophy. i kept on lifting weights the past months that when i came back, most of my sleeves were tight.. and i thought my shirt shrank.. hmm.. could prolly fit into them now.

highlight of the trip: went into a shop, and after walking down 3 aisles i realised there was a girl following me. which was kinda freaky because she kept standing so close. i didn't bother looking at her, instead i rushed down each aisle hoping to get rid of her. when i found my sister, i whispered, "i don't know why that girl keeps on following me". my sis looks up and whispers back, "she's not a she". I turned around, and bladdee hell this muscular woman was smiling at me. Flattered, but no thanks.. She was pretty though. Kinda reminded me of Dil in The Crying Game.

right, have to get up early tmr. haven't the chance to sleep in till noon since i've been back from Moscow. and all i wanted was a good rest after my semester.

~darn

side effects of QAF

Ugh...

5 Seasons in 2 weeks..

If it wasn't for the stupid rain, i would have gone out. Instead, I spent the whole of yesterday watching Queer as Folk. 12 hours to precise.. I dont know why i do things like this. My brain feels like mush, my eyes doesnt seem to be in my sockets anymore, and my head is pounding. My pupils can't seem to adjust to lighting.

It's like a bad case of hang over. Overdosed of drugs.. Intoxication from alcohol..

:(

I can't stare at the laptop screen for too long anymore or my brain will automatically reject it, causing reflex on neck muscles so i'd turn away. It's the same when you've spent the whole night drinking, and the sight of a beer bottle the next day would just make you wanna hurl.

Unless her picture is on the label that is.. Rrrr...
-------------------
To compensate yesterday's time wasting marathon, i shall study today. Scouts honor (^_^) Y

Passed my Surgery practical exam on Friday. I have to admit, i expected more from it, but i guess i shouldn't complain. Anyway more worrying coming up ahead with Path.Physiology, Path.Anatomy, Internal Disease, Surgery, and Pharmacology. Die, die, die, die, die.....
-------------------
American Idol!

What would my blog be if i didnt bitch about the finale! The results! The blunder of Americans! (gah, i hv to get my glasses, my eyes are killing me) *ahem.. What were U thinking!? Watching the finale, I was thinking, yeah this is grand. As Allen's mum said, I forgot that this was suppose to be the results (though i did forward through most of the performances). Adam as usual did a superb job. His consistency is never doubtful unlike a Mr. Allen. Seeing as how the announcement of the winner was truly anticlimatic, i would have to say the highlight of the whole damn show was oh-miss-bikini-girl's performance, joined in by Kara Dioguardi (and yes, she strips down to her bikini too :D and no, J. I do not like her just because she's pretty).

Life as we know it, is not over. Though Adam Lambert did not win the competition I suppose it's worse for Kris Allen that he did, seeing as how the internet is filled with blogs and articles saying that he did not deserve it. But when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, it's just another mindless entertainment program. In the mean time, we'll find something else to occupy our time with. That is until the next season comes about, and we'll start the whole cycle again.

^^

~Toodles~

Top 5 American Idol..

So cute! Can u guess who is who..

Ha Ha.. I am too free on account of Hitler's week, my Surgery class got canceled and the fact that my Russian teacher is ill, I now have a whole day dedicated to wasting time and ... well that's about it i guess.. Wasting Time..

Helluuuu... :D

Another week gone by, another round of eliminations of season 8's American Idol.. Finally Anoop The 'Sai' has gone out along with Bulat (lil Rounds). With Buta(Scott) gone too the season is finally getting interesting, though we all know that Adam Lambert would be the one at the finals, I'm anxious to know who would be standing next to him. Mr.Perfect (Danny Gokey), or Rebel Teen Redhead (Allison Iraheta). I doubt Mr.Sweet (Kris Allen) or Pimple Head ( Matt Giraud) would make it that far.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those fanatic people who think American Idol is all that. Honestly, in my opinion we all watch the show just because we get the opportunity to kick back and pass judgements at contestants at our will without any thrown back at us. At the same time we get to insult the judges too :D What's with the booing of Simon by Randy, Every Single Time they introduce him. It's getting old and kinda lame. And Paula, you try so hard to come up with different kinds of metaphor to describe each performance, but you end up sounding like a bumbling idiot. Plus, you stutter everytime you talk. Makes you seem kinda slow =/ Huhu. This is fun. See, this is all human nature. The reasons why people read gossip columns and watch E!

Ehh, anyway it's just a way to past time..

Just like me writing this post. I wanna go out, but kinda worried i might run into a gang of hooligans and skin heads and might just get bashed up real good for not just staying put in my room. I posted that up on my display message.. "Fk, i wanna go out" and my mum asked me bout it.

Mum: is Fk meant to be The "bad word"
Me: Yea, i really wanna go out, is all.
Mum: So naughty.
Me: Wokay, I'll change it then =p
Mum: Yea, cos if not, your sister might scold you.

See anything wrong there?

She's cool in that way. She knows me inside out. I'm a good kid and all so i guess she lets me be. Sis on the other hand, probably knows only the side of me that i let her see. Can't hide anything from mum. Knowing that I'm gay, or lesbian or whatever, she can tell me she won't be surprised if one day i come up to her and tell her I'm pregnant. Which is odd for me, but i guess she can actually figure me out despite me being all whacky and a kook.

Another 2 more months before i get back home. So much to catch up on. Can't wait for the day i step into that house of mine.. and sigh.. Home.. Sweet Home.. I actually saw that written on a floor mat belonging to one of the Juniors and i was so tempted to write at the bottom, 'Are you stupid or something. This is not Home'. Haha, but my friend stopped me. Anyway i guess everyone is just trying to make do around here. It ain't too shabby. But it's not home..

Nothing like home.

;)

If she doesn't want you, i Do..

As many might see LiLo spiraling down the footsteps of Britney Spears, constantly awaiting a head shave or a flashing of WhoHahs, I fear i May have to do a 'Leave Lindsay Alone' video..

Hahahahaa (i'm not serious).. but still love her though..

The end of L word

Last night, television's only lesbian drama ended after 70 episodes and six seasons. The two-hour block given to The L Word was split up into a one-hour tribute episode and a one-hour series finale. The first hour hailed the series as groundbreaking and as a show worthy of the history books.

The drama starring Jennifer Beals, Laurel Holloman, Katherine Moennig, Mia Kirshner, Leisha Hailey and Pam Grier was the first television show to explore the lives and loves of lesbians in West Hollywood as well as the first series with a deaf-lesbian character and a regularly occurring transsexual character. The L Word fans across the nation tuned-in in the hopes of seeing a wedding, a funeral, a baby, or at least a murder case solved.



:::::::: Major Spoilers Below ::::::::

And what did we see in the series finale? Nothing. Essentially, the episode was set up like any other episode. Dylan and Helena broke up again over trust issues. Alice and Shane chat on the phone and spend a day drinking their sorrows away together. Bette and Tina host a party. These all sound like normal L Word happenings. The problem is that there was a season-long mystery about who killed Jenny Schecter. Evidently, creator Ilene Chaiken never had any intentions of revealing how Jenny died. Earlier this year, when asked about the solving the mystery, she said, "I don't actually feel compelled to answer it. The show is about character and relationships, and I used this story to deeply explore those relationships. It's a risk not to solve a mystery, admittedly."

A risk? Yes, Chaiken risked having the wrath of The L Word fans come crashing down all around her and it certainly is. Carolinagrrrl from AfterEllen.com said, “The finale was horrible and a slap in the face to the fans. Nothing of substance actually happened, and what ACTUALLY happened was left unresolved/didn't make sense.” As a long time fan of the show myself, I'm still infuriated at the nerve.

The cliffhanger ending has been done before (when thinking of good ones, think of The Sopranos or Veronica Mars), but on a show where the fans have gotten to know the characters and care for them so intimately, it is insulting. For the whole tribute episode, when asked about the general believability of the characters and plotlines throughout the years, the producers kept saying “This is Hollywood” or “It's television, what did you expect?” Yet when Ilene was asked to explain the unfinished plotlines in the series finale, she explained, “I was not interested in wrapping up the show neatly and tidily. I wanted to end with a sense that life goes on.” Well, Ilene, you seem to be giving mixed signals. The L Word is not real life my friend, it's television. There's no context as to what these characters' lives might go on to be. Instead, their lives have come to an abrupt and heartbreaking end.

Many have speculated this is all a marketing ploy to convince investors to make an L Word movie. If so, many fans are outraged and want to see these characters again, someone will want to make it happen, right? Well, not if ninety percent of your fanbase thinks you've ruined the entire thing. I imagine that many hard-core fans would venture to the film. But, I would definitely not convince any of my friends to go with me because I wouldn't want to put them through the inevitably atrocious plotlines that will come out of an Ilene Chaiken movie and I'm guessing many fans would agree with me.

I'd be even less inclined to tune in to Chaiken's new pitch The Farm. Although I'm generally obsessed with Leisha Hailey and her character Alice, seeing Alice in prison sounds depressing. Chaiken has depressed me enough over these past six years. Chaiken claims, “it would be a great way to bring our audience over and tell them that we're not abandoning them, which was really important to us.” Well, I think she's already abandoned us after the series finale.

Ilene Chaiken refused to address the wishes of any of her fans. For instance: Did we see any growth in Shane's character? Did (as some wished) Molly and Shane get back together after Shane found the letter? Did Tasha and Alice have a happy reunion? Did Helena regain any of her previous power suit cougar ways? Did we get to see Bette and Tina marry? Did we see any of the character's dreams come true? Did we get any closure at all? After we watched our beloved characters lie, cheat and steal year after year, one glimmer of hope, one glimmer of happiness would have been nice. Instead, Ilene Chaiken gave the lesbian community murder, ambiguity and despair. I'm sure they'll be sending their thank you cards any moment.
Taken from Buddy TV.

M'sia hates us, We hate Moscow = No Love

Well, I guess it's confirmed then. I'll be doing my practicals here instead of Malaysia. The only other thing more infuriating about this whole situation, is of course the student body. With no updates what so ever, most of the students are left still hanging on a string of hope that somehow this could all be turned around. Many have yet to change their flight dates, or in some cases book the return ticket home. Next semester, when i'll be in my 4th year, my practicals would be for 6 weeks and after calculating, i found out that if i were to go back, it'll only be for 2 weeks. If they had told me sooner i could have booked a one way ticket instead. I do pity those who are currently in 4th year though. Since most of them have already bought a return ticket home, they would still have to go back, but only for those 2 weeks. Bummer. But I'm not the one this is taking a toll on. My mum is going berserk, using foul language that i've never heard her use before. ( i'm glad im old enough for my mum to start cursing in front of me comfortably. i can imagine how it's like to have kids and accidentally blurt out profanities and have them point the finger at you with eyes wide open and gasp. yeah, i think i used to do that. no wait, that was my goody-two-shoes sister. I used to giggle instead. I'm also glad that i'm old enough that if anything bad comes out of my mouth, I don't get reprimanded for it).

Sigh, this new ruling on practicals kinda throws everyone's plan off. It just seems to me, it gives us students here a perfect alibi as to why we're not familiar with the procedures or whatnots in Malaysian hospitals. First off, we're already learning everything here in Russian. By doing practicals back home, at least we have the opportunity to question what we're unsure of. Somehow everything about this country kinda irks me a little. From the very first day my parents decided to send me here, all we've been facing are problems that had to be solved with money, or an absurd amount of time that would mutilate the core of your very soul. I wouldn't even be surprised that by the time i'm done here, Malaysia would have stopped accepting whoever who graduated from Russia. That'd be great. Because I'd run to Singapore, and everytime I wanna chew gum, I'd just walk over to the border of Malaysia, chew away, spit it right there and run back to Singapore. Sigh. What's to become of us in the future i wonder.

By the way, for those of you who watches the L word. Grieve with me as the season's about to end.Damnnn..

PS: My sudden realization of my love for Bette is shocking.



and i don't really hate Moscow. it's just a little heads up would've been nice.

For the bible tells me so..

Please, stop watching RedTube. You would at least open up ur mind or u might gain some sort of perspective by watching this instead.

Save the sperms. Stop your masturbating.

Cheers.

final season

Everyone wanted her dead.

And now she really is.

Poor Jenny.

Favorite scenes of the first episode of the final season of TLW:
Whenever Alice and Tasha are together. They just match so perfectly. Awwww...

Last scene. When Jenny invited Tasha and Tina to drink with her at a different table. Nicely done as I'm sure most fans would notice 'the cheaters' were at one table and 'the loyal ones' at another. Heeeeee.. lol

Favorite line of the first episode of the final season of TLW:
Jenny to Nikki- "When i said that you broke my heart, i wasn't talking bout you, darling,"
(haha, what goes around comes around biatchhh)


Well curious lil me, had to just go ahead and find out what happens in the next epi before watching it, which kinda sucks cause i saw jenny confessing her love to shane and they start making out.. bwahhh

what is the season coming to. it better have a good ending, though it's hard to see that coming along since they've already showed jenny dead in the first few minutes.
---------------------------
in your eyes
I see things I know I cannot touch
I know not to reach for them
I let them touch me
and I cherish these moments
that we're able to share
however fleeting they may be
molly-shane

Hmm...

Funny but I just had this thought after watching The Investigator.

If all people who were gay are banned from the army, and if they all went to war and died, wouldn't it sum up to alot more gays left here on earth?

Guess that would be a good thing for us anyway but it Is something to laugh about isn't it?

For me at least..

Ha Ha..

Better?

well i haven't been posting anything because my laptop has KO-ed.
for those who do not know, this is equivalent to cutting my legs and asking me to run.
my laptop was more than the only source of entertainment, it was my library, my connection to the outside world, to my family, it was my newspaper.. easier said.. it was my everything.
all my music.. my work.. it's all there..

been using my roommate's laptop for the moment till i figure out what to do with mine.

been having breakdowns recently. can't seem to get my life in order. 3rd in medic school is more than stressful. and i'm so busy that days seem to just fly by so fast. only one more month to end of my semester. been having tests daily and sometimes it's just hard to breathe.

somehow life at the moment just seems like a total mess. I'M at total mess. i get so depressed sometimes just thinking bout my grandmother, my ex, my financial situation. i hate worrying. i'm never the type to worry bout things like this and now it just seems to be piling up on me. I let it all out when i drink. Everytime i drink, i cry.

Just wanna get my life in order. I still feel so lost that I can't seem to figure out what i want. I don't know what i want. I pray time will tell..
----------------
Love just seems to be in my face all the time. and i really don't need it. it hurts me.
Came across boyzone's new video and it's just full of it but it's somewhat soothing, especially seeing Stephen Gately getting lovey dovey with Kenny Solomons.

Hope

i just had to put this up. this is the most beautiful and touching thing that i've ever seen. i don't know why, it just touches me so deep inside. maybe .. just maybe we can all have a fairy tale ending. i see this, and i know.. nothing comes easy, but through it all, if we fight for what we really want, maybe, just maybe....

ps: this is for u b. i know u'll like this too.. love u for always.. mwhx

Everything at an end

Well, the Beijing Olympics has come to an end, and so have my holidays. Well, almost. Have about, two weeks left before i head back to hell. As I was watching the closing ceremony, I was almost certain that everyone watching was sure to be skeptical about the fireworks we were seeing on TV. The closing ceremony wasn't as grand as the opening that's for sure but a job well done overall. Who's to say if the amount spent on this Olympics is worth it or necessary. Can't blame the Chinese for being so damn 'kiasu'. It's what they do best. They have every right to show off as well, seeing as how they Are a great country. Clearly shown, during the opening ceremony, when they put on a show for everything they've invented, eg. silk, fireworks, paper, the scroll.. I was of course much disappointed by Malaysia's performance, especially in Taekwondo. I sat and watched all of our taekwondo and badminton players, cheering them on with a little flag of Malaysia I stole from Crystal Crown hotel, and yet they lost.. bwahhh.. lol but of course kudos to Lee Chong Wei. Only wished his last match didnt seem so much like a little boy being beaten down in the school yard.

I have however developed a new crush on a certain Martina Zubcic. She walked into each match as though she was going for a party (this i quote from the commentator because even they were much amused by her.) She walks around the ring with the sweetest smile on her face, but when the referee shouts 'charyeot' her cries of battle begins. Being a student in the art, one thing that I've always loved about the sport was the discipline instilled in every student but of course in the case of Angel Matos that's just down the drain. It's all to do with technicality. Even the scoring system is a little off. 3 out of the 4 judges are required to press down on the buzzer a second after what they consider a hit. Anysecond more and it's not counted. So many hits and points failed to be awarded because of the system. Guess some of it is by luck. Good thing, my Martina Zubcic won bronze. If not I'd really be furious. Hyiakkk!

Ever since i was kid, i always had this feeling that i was suppose to be in a different body. Sometimes have reoccurring dreams that i was someone else. But over the years, i've managed to accept who i am for what i am. And if i am comfortable with the body God gave me, then I'm going to be the way he made me in every way, inside out. On how I am, and how i love and whom i love. For I believe, then He'll love me for being me. Will you?
------------------------

Btw, is slightly offended and annoyed everytime i hear Katy Perry's ' I kissed a girl' song playing on the radio. It is uncalled for to censor out the word 'girl'? As if hearing it would make any heterosexual or any potential homosexual jump of the bridge to 'gay land'.

Ooo yes, encoded in the song are actually chants.. " Come join us in the lala gay land.. "

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

Join us, be gay and merry XD

Want some of this ? Come get it..

Back..

from ipoh.. spent the weekend there with my grandma. Dad sat us down and talked to us like little children awhile back. Grandma isn't very strong anymore. Breathing from only half of her left lung, she has to constantly walk around with an oxygen concentrator. He also told my mum secretly, that if anything were to happen to her while we were away studying *touch wood, he would not let us know, for he wouldnt wanna buy us tickets to bring us back. Just thinking bout not being able to say goodbye to her makes my heart break.

Was suppose to blog about my trip to phuket and to the durian plantation ( not a fan of durians, but what's free is worth stuffing ur face for, yeah kiasu.. i'm chinese, wat to do ). Not in the mood of doing that anymore after i got a call from an old friend.

K : you sitting down?
Me: yeah, i'm lying down. 'sup
K : have a lot of things to tell u. just wanna mk sure u're prepared

I rolled my eyes, thinking this is gonna be one of her jokes again. She messaged me online last year, claiming she was pregnant. Everyone knows about how sexually active she and her boyfriend are, so it wouldnt be completely unbelievable if it did happen. Turned out, it was just a joke. So i was expecting something of the sort when she called me again. But this time, it was different. She was sniffling.

Me: Are you sick again?
K : No.... .... I just have .. erm.. flu..
Me: What? And flu is not an illness to u lah..

First of all, you must know, K, isn't one of the sharpest people in the world. Saying she's quite blur would be an understatement. You can smack her hard, anywhere, and she'll respond only about a minute later. Don't ask me bout that. So when she said she had flu, something told me she was just being her blur self again, but my instincts told me otherwise. She's been with this guy for like 4 years already. And everyone thought that they had it good. They seemed happy. But not everyone's that lucky.

K : Damn, i'm waiting for him to get out the room so i can go in and talk to u.
Me: Why can't you talk to me from where you are?
K: *hesitates* We broke up 4 months ago. And right after we broke up, i found out i was pregnant.

I stuttered and came out with a bunch of incomplete questions "How the.." , "What the..", "When the.." etc. She was 11 weeks pregnant. Being the blur bum she was, she realised it after that long and of course she immediately went for an abortion.

Now the question in my mind, is how can anyone be so insensitive. To not bother to even show up during the procedure, to parade around with someone new in front of her, and to retort, "what do you want me to do" when she complains of sharp pains after her abortion. Are only guys like that? I wonder IF two women in a relationship were to be in the same situation, would there be any sort of similarity? How can people just end relationships like that after being together for so long? And what of same-sex couples? Is it any harder? Easier? Or just the same. Wish i knew of someone who's in a same-sex relationship, who's been in it for many years, and still going strong. Give me some assurance..

Bimbo week

What is it about Gossip Girl, that makes everyone go on and on about it? When I was still in moscow, my younger sis had mentioned that it was interesting and i should give it a try, my girlfriend which surprised me by watching it, because as far as i know, she's been far too busy too watch anything at all, let alone some bimbotic show. The show, revolving around the lives of some upper classed bunch of teens of whom are all involved in sex, and drugs and booze and just entangling themselves in their own sick games and causing lame drama which is so predictable, that i've been able to foresee every ( k, not every.. most tho) twist/shocker that was coming. But that was my first impression on the very first day i saw it, i mean, right till the end of the season i did still feel it was a bimbotic show, but at least it was bareable and the only reason would be because of the infatuation and crushed i have developed on one of the characters... hehehe.. Serena van der Woodsen.. ahhh u're so cutee....

(to my gf, i just wanna say i hv every right to be infatuated with this character, only bcos u like shane from the L word in an insane amount that u could actually spot a look alike of her during the pride in london, so =p leave me be ... hehehe )

To continue, I've never seen a character so bubbly, so sweet, and funny and completely adorable and at the same time be so gorgeous and sexy. Her voice, may be a bit hoarse and she's bit taller than she should be but, gawd her smile is made to melt all weak hearts alike mine and she's cute from hair to toe nail and even that mole underneath her right eye makes her look endearing.

(i have a feeling someone is gonna kill me for this stupid post that my instincts tell me to stop talking about her now.. =p she's just a character, bay. U're the reality ;)

Serena, you're always welcomed to invade my dreams however you may like ;)

Apart from watching the whole season of Gossip Girl, I've started watching Girlicious, which is a reality television series, in search for young girls who are pussycat dolls wanna-be. Believe me, it's not my choice to watch this sort of series, but seeing as how my sister just returned today from Ukraine, and she and my mum wanted to watch it, I gave in. It's not a total lost for me anyway. I don't mind staring at pretty girls who shake their booty while singing to groovy songs ( take note that the thing i mentioned first is of course more important to me than the latter =p ) At first, I was sticking out my tongue to almost every girl that appeared on screen because, honestly speaking, no one stood out. They were all bitchy, and they just kept on blowing their own horns, and then after a few episodes, I realised this one girl who actually caught my eye. She wasn't the best of the best, but somehow she had something in her that catches everyone's attention. I asked my sister bout her and she said that almost every guest star that appeared on that show immediately had a liking towards her. So, I silently clapped my hands and leaned my body forward a little nearer to the tv trying to get a better look at her. I wondered out loud if she won in the end, and everyone just gave me i-dont-wanna-know-the-ending-yet look. So, fine, I'm browsing bout it right now.. and guess what.. she won! HeHe. Well, she wasn't the only one, because the whole purpose of the show is to form a new girl group but who cares, as long as she's in, cause that just means i would prolly be seeing alot more of her on TV. XD

Ooh, wont you dance for me, dear Natalie?

I would like to say, "i could loosen up your buttons, baby" but that would be crossing a line and my Mrs wouldnt be too happy. So, my week of bimbotic shows wasn't all that bad. If it weren't for all the ladies, I would have been rolling my eyes instead of searching for my glasses just so i could get a better look. Can't wait for the next season of Gossip Girl, and as for Girlicious, I'll watching you *wiggles eyebrows* =p

And as i quote gossip girl ( and my mum) till next time 'you know you love me.. XOXO' (blergh.. so geli). Bimbos...XP

what would it take for people to accept PLU

I wonder if the world doesn't change, would it all end up to something similar..

Lesbians Die After Setting Selves On Fire

this isn't their pic btw, just found it a long time ago. seemed appropriate to put up.

Ah-khu suck-kit

That's aku sakit(i'm sick) to those who didnt get it. Don't even ask. Lame, I know.

It's funny how before this when I was healthy and well, the thought of blogging never even entered my mind, but now, drowsy from the cough syrup and with my immune system down, making me physically weak, I lay in bed trying to sleep only to have this urge to write something down.

I actually did fall asleep for awhile, but woke up gasping for air because while I was sleeping, my nose got blocked. Like, really blocked and I guess if I didnt wake up, I would have just died. The main reason why I didnt want to blog for so long was because so many things were happening to me all at the same time that I just didnt know what to do with my life anymore. One of my probs would be about H. My roomate, my friend, the one person I could talk to about anything besides B was her. And now, she's coupled up with a friend of ours. A close friend. The three of us would usually hang out together, go out together, cook together. Everyone knows 3's a crowd. So naturally the expected happened. I felt left out, I didnt know how to act normal around them anymore and everything they did, for me was moving too fast, from playfully pushing each other, to the silly giggles, to holding hands, hugging waists, and resting heads on each other's shoulder was just too much for me to handle. I notice all this, Oh yes, I observe them for afar even though I know it makes me cringe I just can't help it. I had a little trouble deciding on where to go from there on. I avoided them alot and hardly spoke to either. I guess I wasn't really prepared for all this having stayed in the denial stage and refusing to move forward. But I'm happy to say I learned how to make my peace with this "dilemma" and though it may not be the best of ways which everyone has hoped, I'm proud to say that I'm happy.

Not alot of people may know this about me, but at most point and highlights of my life, I only remember being sad. My mum once told me when she found out I was gay, that people like me it seems are very emotional. "No wonder, you're like that," she said. I believe that it's true, that people who are homosexuals tend to be more emotional, more mentally unstable and more suicidal than heterosexuals. We tend to think a bit too much and get affected easily by others. Can you really blame us for being this way, when our whole lives we're brought up to believe that who we are now is not under the category of normal. And at our teen years, everyone has a hard enough time fitting in and trying to find themselves and be the person that they really are, what more for a teenager who is gay. Afraid of being jeered by their peers, of names such as queer, freak, or weirdo, we tend to just lock ourselves up in the room, praying for a change. Not in others, but in ourselves. In the early stages, I can bet that most people who are homosexuals would have at least wished they weren't so. Life would be easier, no doubt, but life never is anyway. But when we do come to terms with who we are and we learn to accept ourselves, we usually come out stronger than the rest, having that screw-you-i-don't-care-what-you-think attitude would definitely make life a lot easier to live by.

Knock at my door, wont you?

Bb is just the most adorable person I know.

She messaged me.

"Don't be mad, dear. I have something I have to be honest with you about. I didnt wanted to tell you but I kept feeling so guilty."

Now, my face was cringing and I was cracking my head, trying to read her thoughts. I prepared myself for the worst and believe me the worst I could think of was maybe some guy she used to have some sort of chemistry with confessed his feelings for her or that she flirted with someone from her workplace or she got drunk and did something stupid with someone.

I made her promise it didnt mean anything to her. She did.

I braced myself.

"I dreamt, I kissed someone."

"Okayyyyy,". In my mind I was thinking to myself, please don't let it be that guy. Please, please don't let it be that guy.

"I think it's Heath Ledger. Or Tom Cruise. Or Shane from the L word. I can't remember who it was".

-_-'''

"I was watching some videos yesterday and the they were in those videos. Hmm.. maybe the person I kissed was a combination of all 3."

And as she said that, all I could think of was the person had to be a woman, who is dead and must have been really short.

I laughed to myself and just said Okay. I wanted her to go on about how guilty she was and how I was the only one and that she'll never ever do anything of that sort to hurt me. She apologized profusely. I told her it was alright. It was only a celebrity after all.

But maybe I was too quick to let her off, cause she took it as a green light for kissing celebrities because to her, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Let's make a list of celebrities we are allowed to make out with she said. I thought about it for awhile, but in my head I couldn't think of anyone I wanted to kiss other than her. There Are perhaps a few celebrities that I would like to see strip dance in front of me, but to make out with... hmmm.

Just can't think of anyone other than you, dear. Unless...... someone like, say, Sarah Shahi comes knocking at my door and throws herself at me, then it would be a completely different story all together, wouldn't it? =p