Бог устал нас любить

We took a little to much,
We remembered everything we wanted to forget,
and on the rails we laid a little late,
God stopped loving us,
God stopped loving us,
God just stopped loving us,
God is just tired.
Here's the case of the bullet that stroke through,
The card that you just can't beat,
We stay alone in this world,
God stopped loving us,
God stopped loving us,
God just stopped loving us,
God is just tired.
I would tell you all I know,
It's just I shouldn't talk about these things,
The fallen snow never melts,
God stopped loving us,
God stopped loving us,
God just stopped loving us,
God is just tired.

Russian music and language never really sound good but their poems and lyrics makes up for it.

Best pre-birthday gift ever

I've fallen yet into another blackhole. Spiraling into an empty void not knowing if there's end. A day before my birthday she told me 3 things that felt like continuous stabs to my heart.
1. She called the fucker to sleep over again.
2. Bcos she was confused about things with another guy whom she's going to start trying things with.
3. And she doesnt like me anymore. (but still wanna be close friends)

Needless to say i spent my birthday pretending to be enjoying everything that came my way. Drowning myself in alcohol and cigarettes. It's so cliche. But i really dont know how to lose myself and stop thinking bout all this. I've been hurt too many times. I can't be your friend no matter how we both want it. No actually. I dont want it. Why would i want to put myself in that position where i'm prone to getting hurt yet again. If you're indeed happy. Then i'm glad that you are, but i'm not about to stick around and see you Be happy. Fuck it. Fuck this shit.

Just leave me alone. After all we've been through, couldn't you just throw me a fucking bone and try things with me. Of cos if you honestly don't like anymore, it's a whole different matter, where you should stop being selfish and let me go. So that i can move on.

I'm weak for you. Knowing that at any time you come around, i would just melt and give in. I can't figure out if it's the failure of my conquest or the fact that i have actually fallen for you that makes me still wanna try sometimes. I'm falling in and out of this decision. Praying it will eventually slide or that something would change. That she would change, her mind, or heart.

We had planned a winter trip together. A now even that's for shit. Expected. I'm not surprised. Or maybe i'm just sceptical and pessimistic that way , that i always expect the worse to happen. I wish that i had the room to myself. That i could mourn in my own way. But my roomate and her boyfriend are always around.

this feels like shit. i know time heals everything, but i dont wanna be in this place right now.

7th and final year in moscow.

Today marks the 7th year that i've been in Moscow.

Has it really been that long? Feeling a tad moody. Unsure why. Everyone seems to be watching a movie or doing some other thing and all I really need is time alone.

Went for a David Guetta concert last Saturday. Massive. Mind blowing. Though it made me realise I no longer have the stamina of a 21year old. I know, I'm nothing but a few years ahead of that age but it comes to the point where you just couldnt do the things that you used to do.

The event started at 9 and lasted all the way thru 4am. That's 7 hours of jumping, hip-knee action and headbanging. And the outcome of that was a back and muscle ache that lasted the whole of next day. I literally just stayed in bed the entire Sunday, waking up only to eat. Oh, and the event consisted of an incident that adds another to my list of embarrassing moments in life. Two words. Projectile Vomiting. I vaguely remember most of what happened then, unfortunately it involves the bouncers of the club as well. Ugh. It's something that i pray would not be mentioned ever again.

Whatever happens in crazy town, stays in crazy town.

flood of unwanted memories...

Sitting in my room, waiting for the aunty (senior's parents's who is temporarily living next door awaiting their graduation) to get out of the damn bathroom so i can take a shower for umpteenth time today. Moscow is at a temperature i never knew existed. I'm so used to the blistering cold that this just caught me off guard. It's friggin 32 C. I stand at the window awaiting the cool wind to blow at my face and streak thru my hair.

I'm still waiting..

A hot gust of wind rushes thru..

And i'm need of a shower again... Correction, not shower.. A bath.. Actually u can't call it a bath. What do u call it when you need to collect water from a damn tap into a bucket to wash urself, because my shower head is broken due to lack of hot water supply for the past month.. when it was still freezing cold..

And now! now that the hot water has been restored, moscow decides to up the temperature and kill us all.. what the bladdy hell do we need hot water for.. gawddd

Anyway, here i am waiting to mandi kampung.. and waiting for my mum to get off the phone with Ee..

Spent the day cleaning up my room, doing the laundry, cooking, eating, installing bots on my CS, cutting a friend's hair (big concert day for her), and drinking with Bengali Boy..

Went down to get a bottle of beer, when lo and behold, a bunch of parents arrived with their luggages and what nots, waiting for the Only lift that's working at the moment.. Brilliant!
I stood there, trying to hide my beer, for fear of a dreadful first impression on me, and perhaps their children studying here. Decided to take the damn lift instead, running off with the excuse that i am kind hearted and respectful of elders. huhhuhuhu.

I've been my other phone, SMS-ing her while she's out. Got bored waiting for the bathroom and for mum so i decided to read thru the older messages on the phone. LMAO reading the messages that i've saved from the ex. Maybe it's cos i'm slightly tipsy, or maybe cos i found it hilarious at the way we used to SMS.

I'll never leave u.. Don't leave me.
Always and forever..
We'll make it ...

then it's..

we're just going thru a phase.. don't worry

i felt everything kinda went down hill from there..

My phone's recent saved messages were suddenly all about my grandma's passing.. =/

Weird how this brings back memories of what i tried to forget.. Can't decide if this is a good thing. I've moved on, but am i scarred? Maybe i rather not think bout it and push it all behind.

The aunties are finally done with the bathroom.. need a drag bfore i take a shower after all this nonsensical memories filling up head up with crap.

LIVE FREEEEEEEE~~~

ps: attachments are for shit at the moment.. waste of bladdy time..

I don't sleep in the subway anymore..

I'd be lying if i said i wasn't slightly traumatized by this whole bomb blasting thing. I use the subway everyday. And whenever people walk in and out those doors i can't help but observe each and everyone of them. Studying them. Seeing if they look suspicious. I'm paranoid! I know! I still have to go for my cycles. I still have to stop at the stop the terrorists were suppose to bomb but missed. And whenever i reach the station, my heart races a little and i can't wait to get out of there. It's disturbing, yet we have no choice but to go on our daily routine. Partially traveling in fear. Polices have stopped a few Malaysian muslim girls who wear head scarfs to check their identification and their bags. I even heard of a woman who was terrified when one of our muslim girls sat next to her on the subway. She quickly got off the next station with her son. I dont really blame them, but i sympathize for my friends who are suspected of being terrorists here in this country.

Moscow Metro bombings

37 killed, many more injured in twin bombings at Metro Lubyanka and Metro Park Kultury.
My stop was a metro before Park Kultury, which now, according to rumours were the actual targeted Metro. Im worrying now, imagining what would have happened if they had gone according to plan. Timing would have been just right for i was in the subway at that time.

Better blow away all the 'What if's' floating around my head. I only thank God that no one i know got hurt.

Countdown

Exam in 2 days time..

Trip in 3...

Weather in Europe seems to be warming up a bit.. Can't say the same for Moscow though. Temperatures went down to -20 again today and i canceled my plan to exchange money. I'm not going out there. Na ah. No wonder Russians are so cranky. It's winter half the year through. They're suffering from winter depression longer than most people. I've had my share of that disorder. But nothing like a long hot shower, and of course turning up every light you have in the room helps me get through. Perhaps this are one of the reasons Russians are the way they are.

Just the other day i witnessed a verbal dispute as i was getting onto a bus. A man, placed 22 roubles on the door counter and waited for his ticket. The bus driver seeing this refused to acknowledge the money because the fare had actually increased to 26roubles. The main waited, the driver waited, and i waited, and no one is doing a bladdy thing. Behind me a couple of 'babushkas' (grandmothers) were lining up as well.

All of a sudden, the driver burst out from his seat and shouted at the man, "What the hell do you want?"
"I want my ticket!!" the man shouted back.
"Are you stupid, can't you read?" as the driver pointed to the door where the fares were all listed down.

Me, seeing this slowly inched back in case they decided to brawl. Yet, i was amused by the whole conversation. Their voices were drawing attention from everyone in and out of the bus. Practically screaming their heads off and i had front row seats to the show.

"Well, how bladdy much is the ticket now?!"
Can't the stupid bugger read.. -_-

"26roubles!!" the driver shouted, losing every bit of patience he had.
Behind me the babushka was answering meekly as well.. "26....26..."
"SEE! Even the babushka knows how much it is!" the driver shouted, humiliating the man who then tried to brush it off saying "Of course i knew how much it was, i take the damn bus everyday," which was nothing close to a strong comeback.

He took the ticket and walked to the back of the bus, with everyone shaking their heads in discontentment. My head was filled with giant bouts of laughter which i tried not to express on my face.

But seriously, how smooth everything would have been, if the driver had politely corrected the man. Or if the man had apologized for being so damn dense. It would have saved us alot of time, and he would have saved himself from being humiliated. Russians... sigh. I'd like to go to a place where people apologize even if they aren't at fault, instead of being in a country where they'd do something to you, just so they would have the opportunity to Not apologize. Arrogant bastards.

Thank God their women are beautiful, otherwise we'd have no reason to like them at all.

MMmmm...как вкусно ...Ms. Natalia

a little 'Me' time

I expected this year to be more relaxing. A little more time to myself. A wee bit more posts perhaps. But it's almost the end of the semester.. i never found time to surf the net like i used to..

I spend every saturday night playing futsal, that i make sure i spend my usual night activities on friday night. and from mondays to thursday i'm dead tired by the time i come back from class that i sleep the whole evening, and wake up with just enough time to have dinner, watch a movie and study.. and it's time to sleep again.

Winter has just begun and it's getting coooooold. Yeap, the nights are the worse. And i know that how? It's because i spent the entire night out, standing in an underground tunnel, waiting for the damn Metro to open up again at 530am. My friend and I had planned to go into a gay and lesbian club which we kinda figure out later on that it was either really exclusive, racist, or we really just didn't have the right look. Screw youuuu, Russians.

So we spend a few hours in a 24 hour Sushi restaurant, and the remaining hours being harassed by some drunkards who were waiting for the Metro to open as well. I found it kinda funny and amusing at the same time because i managed to have a proper conversation with them for a good half and hour before taking off and avoiding them the rest of the night. Overall, i was surprised i didnt have any regrets that night. Quite an experience, i must say. But fuck it, i'm never going out at night again till winter ends.. Brrrr.. Walking around with numbed up toes is the worse thing in the world. Really irks me up to the core. I get pissy and frustrated. And i curse like a motherfucker. No shit..

The only thing i'm looking forward to this winter is my euro trip. Woohoo. Change of plans as my mum wants me back for summer. So what the hell right. Winter prices are way cheaper than summer anyway. Best thing is, i don't have to ask for a single cent from my parents. It's all mine babehhh.. Guilt free! But first things first.. Exams... So.. hanging in there, and blow of steam laterrr.. euuyeaaahhhh. K i'm getting way ahead of myself.

Gotta sleep. Self declared holiday tmr.. Sleeping in ! woohoo XD

2 more..

Two more exams before i can finally say what i've been wanting to say for the past few weeks.

Goodbye 3rd year...

I've never been so stressed crazy out of my mind.

Russian exam system is different. Here they have variants of question papers. You get a pick of teachers to do your oral exam with.

Luck, luck..

And it was just my luck, that the variant i had for my previous exam were the 2 damn topics that i had missed out on. There wasn't enough time to read everything. And i conveniently skipped those two topics, praying that i would get ones that i knew well. Ahhh.. On top of that, i got one of the most irritating teachers as my examiner.

She was torturing me for information that i just didn't know.

I did my best, trying to recall what was taught in class and lectures and interconnecting it with other subjects.. aaaaaaaaaaa... honestly, i thought i would have teared there and then. It was just too much, that feeling, being put up there one on one with that women. Trying to answer questions that i wasn't completely sure of.

The only good thing was, out of the 3 questions i had. I knew one of it extremely well. Information that was just at the tip of my fingers and scribbled out everything that i knew filling a whole page.

I got out with only a satisfactory mark. I could have asked for more questions to bump me up, but i was just too drained.

A pass is a pass i guess.. As what is a known fact here, marks don't really account for much.

Drink your troubles away/Hate Rush-ia

Well i didnt get to do my Surgery exam on the 1st date, because as luck (in Russia) would have it, (yes, in Russia 80% of the things you do/get depends on luck) when i wanted to get permission to do my exam without getting my last credit, the dean decides to go back early. Ishh.. Had to rethink my whole plan. Another problem is trying to get the permission to sit for my pathology anatomy exam before i get my credit for that subject is somewhat difficult to explain to the dean. My exam is on tuesday. The only time i get to finish off my last test, and get my credit and rush to the dean to get my book chopped so i can sit for the exam is on Monday. And all this has to be done before 6. And my class is at 5. Fucken not possible. Hate rushing. (seems all i do here in russia is just rush around for things). And the bladdy dean can't even understand that all i need the permission for is just so when i sit for the exam without getting my book chopped, is so i can get the marks when i'm done (plus i HATE it when people interrupt me when i'm speaking. Fucken shut up!) Stupid Russian system. My head is spinning around and around trying to figure out what i should do and ways to get around this.

After a quite dissapointing day yesterday, of not being able to catch the dean on time, and thus have no permission to sit for my Surgery exam, i decided to drink. Yes, it's something that i've been wanting to do for sooo long, and seemed like the oppurtune time. One beer, lead to another, and before u know it, 8pm turned to 3 in the morning. And a beer, lead to five. All done while standing in front of the hostel door entrance, a bunch of high, wasted, frustrated medical students who did nothing but speak of studies while cursing the teachers. Yea, we're all gonna get liver cirrhosis. But we didnt care.. We needed the break, or we would have broken.

Been trying to get back into the momentum today, but i feel too damn lazy to start studying. And the only thing i feel like doing is watching cartoons (now watching ratatouille again). Salad fingers.... muahahahaha. Dark themed cartoons really makes me X)

~taa

Devuskha

Yes, Russia is where God planted all the seeds of beautiful girls.

Come Spring, they all blossom from unexpected places, bringing sheer joy to those who admire their ample bosoms.

Hear, hear..



But of course, you'd think to look carefully before checking out the junk in any women's trunk, seeing as how there are situations where the women, aren't actually women at all.




Hahaha..

*hums to 'Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder'*
Cheers~

Random Pics Around Moscow

At VDKNH..

Cruise along the Moscow river

Eat.. ZZ... Eat..

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to find anyone of my wavelength.. Somehow i seem to be connecting less with people. Or maybe it's just the effect i get from talking to this one person too much. I end up getting so pissed talking to her because she never understands what I'm saying and our conversation revolves around explanation, and how I hate explaining myself to someone.
------------------------
My friend told me, wanting and needing someone are two different things..

But i think, it's not when the thing that you need can only be found from that one person. Explains the wanting right..

No idea...
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Today is Hitler's birthday. Happy Birthday, Hitler. Thank you for the holiday. Had potluck for a friend's birthday yesterday. Ended up watching a ghost movie and spent the remainder of the night exchanging ghost stories. I for one am not up for this kind of activity, plus all the food made me really sleepy. Surprisingly today i woke up quite early and after reheating all the food, i called the gang down for breakfast, and we all went back to sleep again after that. I guess this kind of unproductive way gets to me. Feeling slightly down right now. Sometimes i feel so disconnected to the world. Mindless conversations with people that rarely have an effect on me. Besides, J i mean. But he's a whole different category.
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I think it's been almost 3 weeks since i fell sick. And I still haven't completely recovered. Moscow's weather is a real bitch. Everyone knows that for it to start getting warm, the weather must first get cold once again and the temperature has to take a real drop, but it has been going up and down for the past month. Everytime i think it's going to be warm, i start wearing thin layers, which explains why for the past 3 weeks whenever i sing, i'm singing out of my nose. Nasal voice.. so sexy..
--------------------

April Laze..

What a way to welcome the good month of April.. With snow.. >.< Yea, it can even go up your nose. I think everyone has been long expecting Spring, and we all had hope when the ice on the ground started melting, making little streams, cascading all over the place. But here it is again, falling from the perfectly blue sky. Seems like God has been craving for alot of Ice Kacang lately. Anyway I have a feeling, with the bad weather, everyone is just getting melancholic and lazy. I've tried so hard to study this week, but i just end up doing absolutely nothing but play my guitar and sleep. Guess the only consolation is I've learnt a few new songs.

It's been such a mellow week, and my mind just keeps drifting off to no where, that I even forgot about April Fool's day. Which Never happens. I usually pre-plan a prank every year but this year I just had no mood to come up with anything creative. I contemplated writing some scary words on the bathroom mirror with a candle, and when someone bathed, the steam would fog up the mirror and the words would form but, i kinda lost the zing to do that. Do wonder sometimes if I'm getting old.

Everyone's been passing a link to a blog of a Sabahan doctor. He's had a couple of HO's under him. Taking the opportunity to criticize students from Ukraine and Russia for their lack of knowledge of practical skills, it has arise alot of uncertainties among the students here and Ukr. My sister has been constantly worrying about it, which makes my mum bombard me with questions and suggestions. Guess it suits well with my lazy mood, because frankly I don't give a damn what others are saying. I just tell my mum like how it is.. it the end it'll all come down to each individual. We learn what we can when we do our attachments back home. No one knows or picks up everything from the very first try. I am prepared to be shouted at, and to be discriminated just because i studied in Moscow but come what may. I can't say I'm not frighten by the very thought of venturing out into the medicine field, knowing you'll be looked down on but.. there are no two ways about it.

We learn everything that there is to learn. Is it really the students fault that we are perhaps not accustom to the protocols in Malaysia, what more you now implement a rule that we are to do our practicals in Russia (thank God, it's been postponed to next year). Not many people know this, but even as we do our practicals in Malaysia, some doctors refuse to teach and some pay less attention to those who are unfortunate enough to study in Russia.


Sometimes I feel like we're the unwanted batch of doctors. It's scary enough to think that in a few years time we're about to grad to a profession which requires us to place the life of others in your hands. I can't imagine half of the people here as doctors. I can't imagine myself ending up like that. To being, someone so serious.. Sometimes i wished i had chosen to become a psychiatrist instead. But then again, this has always been The dream..

A dream.. is a wish.. your heart makes.. (it's a Disney song.. I'm not being corny)

M'sia hates us, We hate Moscow = No Love

Well, I guess it's confirmed then. I'll be doing my practicals here instead of Malaysia. The only other thing more infuriating about this whole situation, is of course the student body. With no updates what so ever, most of the students are left still hanging on a string of hope that somehow this could all be turned around. Many have yet to change their flight dates, or in some cases book the return ticket home. Next semester, when i'll be in my 4th year, my practicals would be for 6 weeks and after calculating, i found out that if i were to go back, it'll only be for 2 weeks. If they had told me sooner i could have booked a one way ticket instead. I do pity those who are currently in 4th year though. Since most of them have already bought a return ticket home, they would still have to go back, but only for those 2 weeks. Bummer. But I'm not the one this is taking a toll on. My mum is going berserk, using foul language that i've never heard her use before. ( i'm glad im old enough for my mum to start cursing in front of me comfortably. i can imagine how it's like to have kids and accidentally blurt out profanities and have them point the finger at you with eyes wide open and gasp. yeah, i think i used to do that. no wait, that was my goody-two-shoes sister. I used to giggle instead. I'm also glad that i'm old enough that if anything bad comes out of my mouth, I don't get reprimanded for it).

Sigh, this new ruling on practicals kinda throws everyone's plan off. It just seems to me, it gives us students here a perfect alibi as to why we're not familiar with the procedures or whatnots in Malaysian hospitals. First off, we're already learning everything here in Russian. By doing practicals back home, at least we have the opportunity to question what we're unsure of. Somehow everything about this country kinda irks me a little. From the very first day my parents decided to send me here, all we've been facing are problems that had to be solved with money, or an absurd amount of time that would mutilate the core of your very soul. I wouldn't even be surprised that by the time i'm done here, Malaysia would have stopped accepting whoever who graduated from Russia. That'd be great. Because I'd run to Singapore, and everytime I wanna chew gum, I'd just walk over to the border of Malaysia, chew away, spit it right there and run back to Singapore. Sigh. What's to become of us in the future i wonder.

By the way, for those of you who watches the L word. Grieve with me as the season's about to end.Damnnn..

PS: My sudden realization of my love for Bette is shocking.



and i don't really hate Moscow. it's just a little heads up would've been nice.

SAY NO TO PRACTICLS IN MOSCOW. FU!

Well, i have nothing much to say, except for the fact I Am slightly depressed over the fact that i might be spending half of my summer break here instead of back home with my family. I don't know who to blame. Mainly the agents i guess. Blood sucking assholes. Thanks alot. Moscow has thrown so much of crap at us, but at least it was expected. This on the other hand.. Sigh, Malaysia, Malaysia. Asking us to do our practicals here, in Russia, in a language we're not fully fluent in. And blackmailing us at the same time! It's absurd. You Live in Moscow and tell me if you can survive another extra month of this hell hole. Not to mention the extra cost that it'll take to live here. Yea, it's easy on those on scolarships, you get paid EVERYDAY that you stay here. It's just another extra 50usd in your pocket. And we private students aka non bumis have to suffer.Guess i have to save up again, cos i can't bear to ask my parents for extra money.

I Am homesick. And I want nothing more than to just go home into the arms of my family as soon as I can, what with my house catching on fire, and my grandma passing away, and my personal depressing shit. I'm just not in the best place right now =(

I want to go home.

I wanttttt...

Rates went up to 10.02! Quickly went off to withdraw yesterday. With the inflation here in Moscow this would at least balance things out a bit. I remember the days when a bus ticket used to cost only 10 Roubles, now a heart wrenching 27 Roubles. With the rates that high, shopping spree (for others) became a blast, they almost reminded me of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, walking around with tons of shopping bags. I did pamper myself a bit too, buying a long sleeved collar shirt, and (finally!) a vest. I contemplated on getting myself a new jacket since my old one is almost worned out, but I think i shall wait for next year. Trench coat in mind. Still, top on my list of things to get are

1) a belt! Like wth.. I have no idea how i managed to leave both my belts in Malaysia, and now i walk around Moscow, literally hanging on to my pants. There are no belts here that I like. Surprisingly.

2) a Hat! Specifically, one from TopShop whose's price can make your eyes bulge out like you have Thyroid disease. Found one in New Yorker, but someone else beat me to it and i'm not about to get the same thing as him :P

3)
Aaahh, isn't this dark and weird and freakishly cool! COOoooL! I wannnntt.. Stupid t-shirt costs like 100Rm i think, for a material that sucks..But isn't it haunting.. Beware of your toys, Kiddies.

Other than those, the only i thing i really want and need are a Camera, and a Laptop, though I am considering getting a Netbook instead. Since i have an external the small disk space doesn't bother me. It's light, portable thus really easy to bring it whereever eg. Starbux, Ashan or travelling. Only thing that worries me is the small screen; watching movies won't be the same =/ Ooh well, we shall see.

Well, my trip has been canceled twice. Bugger. Rather disappointing, as i was really looking forward to getting out of Moscow for a while. Doesn't really help when most of the people around you aren't adventurous enough to try something different. It's not that i'm bored mind you, just that's it a bloody waste cos this year i have my longest break. Oh well, there's always spring. Made it a point to learn more about Russian History since i've always been fascinated by it. Was watching a documentary on it, and it was most enlightening, knowing all the rulers and their accomplishments; Ivan the Great, Ivan the Terrible and my favorite, Peter the Great. Everyone was interesting in a more serious way, in which i was putting my hands to my chin, listening intently and goin Hmm... except for the part where they spoke of False Dimitriy. Amusing. During the Time of Troubles (Смутное время, Smutnoye Vremya) an imposter from Poland claimed himself heir of Ivan the Terrible and reigned the country for a year before being exposed. It is said later on they sent him back to Poland, "Russian Style". This is the good part. Hehe. They killed him, burned his corspe, put his ashes in a cannon,pointed it towards Poland and fired it.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaha.

But seriously..

Hahahahaha....

Don't mess with the Russians man.



By the way, it's Chinese New Year. Doesn't feel like it to me, so I wont be wishing anyone, unless they do it first and it'd only be polite to do so. Didn't have any makan-makan this time around. Didn't even cook for myself. Most of my friends are in Malaysia, or off somewhere on their euro-trip. No matter.. Didn't really feel like celebrating anyway since my grams just passed away. She was the one who usually cooked the dishes for our family reunion, and this time around, as i usually do, i was thinking of how my family are back home, and i just kept picturing her there. Had to remind myself that she wasn't incase i said something wrong to my mum. I did infact forget that it was CNY till I saw the Vietnames cooking (on the floor... of the corridorrrrrr) and heard them singing Karaoke later on. At least someone's having a good ole celebration. Not that i'm complaining.. This has been the most relaxing winter break ever, for many reasons which we shall not get into.. And.. Oh yes, haha if you've yet to watch Yes Man, do so.. for my favorite part of the movie...


~I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,

~You could cut ties, with all the lies that you've been living in

~And, if you do not want to see me again

~I would understandddddd-eeee-ndddd-eee-ndd, I would
understandddd-eee-enddd..


Yeah, i know lame.. but cmon.. the song is a classic!.. u saw how the crowd were singing along to it. People watching this on tv, or laptop or in the cinema would sing along to it. And i know for a fact it's true, because my friends told me so. Hah! Me and my buddies watching it were even singing and moving side to side to it.. hahahaha just reminds everyone of the 'days back then', yeah.. when we were young. LOL. Good times though.. good times. Though i Do wonder bout the people singing in the cinema though. What if Everyone there was singing, and it was really loud, would the people watching the other movies in the next hall be freaking out..? Oh well...

just sing along then... hahahahahha. ~Cheers..

Everyone's got to face down the demons
Maybe today
You could put the past away
I wish you would step back from
That ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you've been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understandddddd-eeee-ndddd-eee-ndd, I would understandddd-eee-enddd..

sick again

Stupid winter and it's inconsistent temperature. It's been twice this winter that I've fallen sick. And almost everyone is falling sick at the very same time. Another thing is medical students are the most prone to falling ill. They're the unhealthiest people i know, surviving on junk food and instant noodles, having no sleep at all pre or post examinations.

People here are so afraid of getting sick, even teachers are shooing us back. As long as there's a sneeze or cough coming from you, you're heading home. She sent the entire class back today. Then again most of the people from my group were just pretending to be ill. What group of people walk around together with tissues cupped to their mouth.

Been having terrible nights these few days. Can't seem to have decent dreamless sleep. Weird images and people keep coming to me in my dreams. I wake up often feeling exhausted and drained. Can't wait to go home. Starting to hate it even more here.

Well, heading back to Moscow tomorrow morning. It's like a death sentence. Finally packed everything. I hope the weight on my luggages are okay. Was praying i could talk to b. She's the only one who can take away this nervous feelings of mine.Mum is sleeping =/ Kept calling her, but i think she's already at her friend's place. Again she didnt tell me she was already going. She hates reporting to me, she says.
Feeling so down right now. It's the 4th time leaving. Can that be right? How time flies. Keep praying you'll call me. That you'll be thinking of me, so maybe you'll message me and tell me you miss me. Anything to cheer me up!! Getting bouts of stomach ache again. Argh, pray this doesn't happen during the flight. I'm leavinggggggggg... I'm leaving in a few hours, and i all i wanna do now is talk to you... where r u.. =(