I'm waiting for a reply from you. You haven't SMS-ed yet. Time somehow feels like it's slowing down. I try to focus on a book I'm reading but my eyes are just running through the words. I barely comprehend the text.

Time ticks away...

It's been more than a few hours...

I shall not rest till you reply..

I can't rest in peace just yet..

I just can't...

Not sure what I'm feeling right now. Seems like this is the only place I can vent and pour myself out because if i fucking keep this to myself, I'm gonna be messed up the whole day. Have you ever felt like no one else in this world cares about you. About what you think, or how you're feeling, or how you would put so much on the line just to get nothing in return. Been feeling like that the past few days and this is top notch. I really just feel like breaking down and crying right now. I have so much in me that I need to let out and I just can't somehow. I've been ignored, pushed around and right now I feel like I've been stomped on. I stood, for half an hour, pressing my ear so hard that it left a mark, just so I could hear better. I tried everything I can, and what do I get? Nothing. Zilch. I litterally feel weak now. I can hardly stand straight. My mind is just racing with thoughts of deep, dark, nothingness. How am I gonna get thru the day... I feel so lost. Call me emotional, but I feel unwanted. All I needed was for you to say, "Are you ok?". You're not the only going through this. And if I'm the one comforting you, and you don't do the same or at least repeat the gesture back, then where or who am I gonna get it from? So this is how I'm handling it. I'm letting it all go here. Feeling so disorientated and confused. You wouldn't even SMS to see if I'm alright. I know you won't. Sigh.. I wanna lie down but I know I have to go out already. Wish I could just lock myself away from everything. I just wanna huddle up in a corner and hide for the rest of my life. Sigh... I pray to God for now, to just let me get thru the day. Let me fine. Help me put this thoughts to rest. I might get out of hand if I don't. With no one to fall back on, all I need to do is just console myself. "Are you alright?" .. "I'm fine. Thank you for just asking. Cos that's all I needed." Fuck, I'm starting to talk to myself again. I'm going crazy aren't I? I should this right now. I have to go. No one's blaming you, though. I never have, I never will. Just ignore this if you want to. I know you'll be reading. I just needed to get this out of my system.

Damn thing better not be sleeping all the time like B's. Gonna be furious if it doesnt wake up from it's slumbers!

Doh Mor ob dis

EEEyeaaa.. just used up a whole box of tissues. It's been raining. Nope, not outside.. not from my eyes... but from my NOSE! Did I say pouring? I mean really, really pouring down! With thundering sounds!

"AaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaChhhhhhhoooooooooooo"

*sniffs* Thee wat I'mb thaying? Habing bad sinus brobem 'ere. *sniff sniff*. Itd' the resultd' ob clearin out all mbai ol stuffe. Been talkin' dis way the 'hole day. Mbai sister hab been disterbin' m'be too!

"Should I clear this out?"
"Doh. Hi wanna kheepit,"
*Giggles to herself* "What did you say?". "Want me to throw it?"
"Doh!"
"What?" *laughing even more now*
"DOH!"

And she breaks out into a song of Do-Re-Me. ~Doh a dear, a female deer........~
Stupid kid. Try saying 'No' with your nose close and see if You can. XP

It's a real problem having this stupid sinusitis. When I was small I used to think I was sick all the time having flu. I've been blowing my nose the whole day, and when I had finished up the tissue paper in my room, I went on using toilet tissue paper, which has a slightly rough surface (makes me wonder how I use this to wipe my ass). After using it 3 or 4 times I gave up because it was felt like sandpaper against the top of my lip. My skin even peeled a bit and being the genius that I am, I took heat rub ointment and put a whole gunk of it below my nose >< Eyeeowwww... Burn... ahhh burning .. burning!

So now, my nose is leaking, my top lip is burning, tears are welling up and I'm hopping around waiting for it to go away. And all I wanted to do today was clear my cupboard. Guess that's what you get for being diligent. I shan't repeat that mistake again..

Mojikan Widget

Just updated my baby girl's blog by putting up... a... Mojikan Widget.. =D huhuhuh. A mojikan widget is used to express what you write on your blog according to your words. It inteprets your mood and emotions. If I'm not mistaken there quite a number of expressions that he can perform. Can't wait to see them on baby girl's blog. Provided that she blogs... *hint HINT*. Was tempted to put one up for myself, but only to see what it's reaction would be if I were to keep announcing that I'm gay. Prolly would just take the word as "happy and carefree" and prance around. Still, I'm curious to know if it would all of a sudden 'cross-dress' and walk around like those flamboyant gay guys you see on TV. Hehehe.. then again.. my imagination does take me quite far, so I doubt I wouldn't need the sight of it to truly amuse me. Huhuhu


Yea, can't think of anything else better to put in the caption bubble. It's true anyway, so why bother XD

Balik kampung.. oooohhh Balik kampung..

YECH... Had one of those "gatherings"/"reunion"/"celebration". YECH and DOUBLE YECH. My love for this sort of ocassions are only when I actually know people that would be there... Gagss.. Celebrating an old lady's birthday is not exactly what I call a hip party.. OK OK.. R E S P E C T is in order. Gotta salute her too since these days it's hard to live up to that age still being healthy.

Thing I hate about all this Chinese reunions are the self name introduction (and most of the time that doesnt work.. hafta mention who's 'kia' you are) and repeating yourself so many times just gets so tiring. I suggested name cards and tags but no one would take heed of what I'm saying. Bugger!

Next on the list of 'Why I hate these reunions'! (Don't really have a list, but if I did sit down and made one, I'm pretty sure it'd be long!). Remembering the names of all the aunts and uncles. I don't get it. Why can't I just call everyone uncle and aunty. It's like a test to see if I really can remember all their names. *faints* It's like history lessons all over again, learning old peoples names. Best thing is to stick next to mum, and she'll do a brief run through.

"Yes yes, this is Im Poh, that is Chim Poh, the one in red is Kim Poh, and the one who looks really fat is Gor Poh"

*Sits down and memorizes the faces and names*

"OK OK, now that is Pek Kong, the bald wan is Ku Kong, the wan with no teeth wan is Tiau Kong........"

"What? What? Who is what?"

"Aiyo, start again!"

*takes down notes this time*

"Again!" And so she repeats.

"Right, right.. Fat bald wan..... skinny but big butt wan.... tongkat wan... "

And my mum doesn't only give names to it all. (Sorry, did I say 'it'? I mean respected, knowledgable, aging humans.) She gives their history on everything else like who they married and how they got married and description of all their kids and where they are right now and their health status and what surgeries their getting and ... gosh.. this is all too much to take in.

So most of the time I listen and try to absorb what I can, though I'm pretty sure most of it just comes out the other ear. Oh well =p What's the point right? Besides, there's always next reunions where the whole darn thing will repeat itself anyway.

~Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it~ George Santayana

Everything seems a little better.


Even as I walk into the room, i realised it was a little brighter.


I felt lighter..


I felt different..


Everything was finally clear, after such a long period of time.


I finally did it...


I found my glasses..


Yey...

You're never really that far, when you're so close to my heart

Can't even begin to say how much I'm missing you. It's hard being so far away from you sometimes. I wish you were here. All the time.

But just being able to love you and be loved back is worth all this suffering, this torture, this heart ache, because knowing that you're out there, thinking of me while I'm thinking of you.. keeps me sane. Keeps me going.

It's funny that you feel the least amount of loneliness with the person farthest away from you.

No one else but you, B

No one else but you..

I wonder who are you dreaming of tonight

Baby I Miss You So Much.. =`(