Huh??

i kinda realised, i dont like people who dont get my jokes/insults.

it's like wasted on them..

whizzing past their heads as they go.. Hurh? or are oblivious to it's existence..

Where are my people? Why are they all sleeping when i need to dish out lameness upon them..

i hate studying...

>.<

Merry belated Xmas..

There are people playing fireworks outside my hostel, and i'm wondering what occasion is coming up. Yeah. New year.

I forgot. -_-

Well Christmas this year was more or less dull. Hostel was quiet throughout the celebration. Wish i could say i had a blast, but the only thing blasting off was my head. Spent the entire eve of Christmas writing case history which was due the next day. Yes, i know, i should have started earlier. Never having to do a handwritten report (as previous cycles allowed us to type/print) didn't make me any wiser as to what i was suppose to expect. So, to sum up, i spend 8 hours.... writing... non stop.. continuously... with minimal toilet breaks and extra breathers and the worst of it all, no sleep. Mind you, i started only at 12 am. *cheers and applauds and pats on the back for me, before slapping me silly and shaking me vigorously* Headed on straight to class right after my last inked dot on the paper. I could have made a record on places i was sleeping at along the way. In the metro, on the bus, while waiting for the bus... while waiting for the metro.. while waiting for teacher to enter the class.. While teacher was In class.. While she was giving her lecture.. While she was marking my report.. While walking back from class.. and when i reached my room, i slept for 2 hours before having to go for a Christmas gathering... and then i came home and slept only at 5am. Something is wrong with me.. @@

The best part yet.. while i was in class i noticed something on my finger. My arm had been aching the whole day from the writing. I had to leave it dead weight by my side the entire way to class so i wouldn't feel the pain. Sitting in the classroom, i felt this annoying pain on my ring finger. I looked at it, and stared at it in awe and shock and in amusement, because i have never known or heard of anyone writing till their finger got bruised. Yea, it was blue and black. I sat there, trying to recall if i had in anyway or anytime banged it against something sharp. Nope. It was from writing. I swore, everytime i touched a pen after that, i felt like committing suicide. Blergh.

Well that's Xmas for you. Merry Christmas.

I wished everyone else late anyway. Christmas came and went and i am still here. Holding my pen. Trying to study for my exam.

I swear i'm gonna go crazy for New Year just to make up for this.

What I do Best

Yule go crazy..

I just realised, that i've been out of my room alot. Starting to fall sick, so decided to stay in for the weekend. It's Sunday evening, and already i feel like i'm spiraling into another dimension. I'm so used to being out of the room at least a couple of hours everyday and with winter here, everyone's just hibernating. Looking forward to class tomorrow. Need to get out and about.
---------------
I've been craving for Alfredo's pasta for way too long. Since no one wanted to follow me to Il Patio's or any other italian restaurant for it, i decided to make it myself. Simplest recipe ever. Of course, consisting of only the fattiest components in the world - Butter, Cheese and Heavy Cream. Yay! Made a huge batch of it, and gulped it all down, bowl after bowl, strand after strand, stopping only to take a huge chunk of my garlic bread which was also smothered in butter. Muahahaha.

Of course, the after effects, made me regret not taking it in slow. I had a bad case of indigestion. And to make matters worse, i decided to watch Cloudy with a chance of meatballs and the amount of food flying everywhere towards the end of the movie made my stomach churned. I swore I'd never make it again anytime soon. Well, it's only been a week, and already i'm craving for it again. Yes, I LOVE PASTA! Thinking about putting in bacon this time. Mmm wouldn't that be lovely..
--------------
Christmas is just around the corner, coinciding with the last day of my classes. Russians don't celebrate christmas on the 25th so we won't be getting any holidays. Come to think of it, i haven't been getting many days off this year. Well doctors don't get days off and they rarely call in sick, whereas teachers at the university do that all the time. Damn, I'm starting to worry about when i have to start working. Which reminds me, it's time for me to study. Exam's in 22 days! Not really feeling stressed yet, and i need it to give me a jump start.

YIKES!

only an infatuation..

Ahh shit..

dont fall in love

dont fall in love

Oh i hope i dont start falling for you..

Nothing short of wonderful

What a relaxing day. I feel so privileged to be able to have a holiday on a Monday. It's like having two Sundays!

Spent the day clearing up my room, messed up from the potluck yesterday. Disposed off the many bottles of red wines, vacuuming up the carpet, scrubbing the pots, and of course, laundry. Found it shockingly cold today. My feet are freezing. Checked the temperature... ... -20 C. Ahhh, how can that be. It was only -8 the day before. And it's only beginning of December. Oh how i wish winter would end early this year. I can't imagine walking around Europe at the peak of winter. However it may be, I'm guessing it can never be as bad as Russia.

I've just finished watching Julie & Julia.. I'm lost for words on how to describe the movie. It was simply amazing. Yes, I love any movie that contains food. And watching Meryl Streep in the movie just sort of reminded me of my grandma. Her tall, gangly behaviour, walking around the kitchen chopping up ingredients with that sort of self satisfied look on her face just made me smile throughout the whole movie. It was just the sort of movie that gave me that warm, internal hug and imploded with candies inside my tummy and stuff like that (knowing if i'd continue describing this, people would think i'm insane). But it was just that.. Watching the movie and sipping on my chamomile tea on this dreadful wintery day, made everything feel so perfect.

How i wish i can enjoy the moment just awhile more. Alas, I'm reminded that i have to start studying for my exam which is in a month's time. Ohh can't i just procrastinate a little more. What difference does a day make right?? =D Hmmm.. So torned between enjoying this little time to myself that i've been so deprived of, and concentrating on my goal of being a good doctor. The former does sound more appealing.

Hence, here i am, quoting an overly cliched line from movies for whenever a character doesn't know what to do.. A wise chinese man, will appear from no where and say, "Follow your Heart". (i'm exaggerating, that doesn't happen all the time).

So..... 'Follow your heart' it is!

'Cloudy with a chance of meatballs' anyone? =D

a little 'Me' time

I expected this year to be more relaxing. A little more time to myself. A wee bit more posts perhaps. But it's almost the end of the semester.. i never found time to surf the net like i used to..

I spend every saturday night playing futsal, that i make sure i spend my usual night activities on friday night. and from mondays to thursday i'm dead tired by the time i come back from class that i sleep the whole evening, and wake up with just enough time to have dinner, watch a movie and study.. and it's time to sleep again.

Winter has just begun and it's getting coooooold. Yeap, the nights are the worse. And i know that how? It's because i spent the entire night out, standing in an underground tunnel, waiting for the damn Metro to open up again at 530am. My friend and I had planned to go into a gay and lesbian club which we kinda figure out later on that it was either really exclusive, racist, or we really just didn't have the right look. Screw youuuu, Russians.

So we spend a few hours in a 24 hour Sushi restaurant, and the remaining hours being harassed by some drunkards who were waiting for the Metro to open as well. I found it kinda funny and amusing at the same time because i managed to have a proper conversation with them for a good half and hour before taking off and avoiding them the rest of the night. Overall, i was surprised i didnt have any regrets that night. Quite an experience, i must say. But fuck it, i'm never going out at night again till winter ends.. Brrrr.. Walking around with numbed up toes is the worse thing in the world. Really irks me up to the core. I get pissy and frustrated. And i curse like a motherfucker. No shit..

The only thing i'm looking forward to this winter is my euro trip. Woohoo. Change of plans as my mum wants me back for summer. So what the hell right. Winter prices are way cheaper than summer anyway. Best thing is, i don't have to ask for a single cent from my parents. It's all mine babehhh.. Guilt free! But first things first.. Exams... So.. hanging in there, and blow of steam laterrr.. euuyeaaahhhh. K i'm getting way ahead of myself.

Gotta sleep. Self declared holiday tmr.. Sleeping in ! woohoo XD

i know i should be sleeping right now...

as i sit here browsing blogs of other tenants/students in this hostel i realised the after effects of the whole no net scenario has caused bloggers to find other outlets to pour out onto or just find other means of idle, time consuming activity. Seems like their blogs have slowed down upon a yellow light or maybe i half expected everyone to be updating on their misery. But it seems to me at this point, that we're blogging out of obligation or habit. posting random sentences that would seem like a topic that should be given much thought to but it's really not (like what i'm doing now ) Perhaps what i'm doing is out of boredom (it's 2am, i can't sleep) or maybe it's the fact that i can't stand to see my blog not feed on my soul.. (eat... u musttt eat...)

Having an easy cycle this week. Came back from class way too early. Kinda prompted me to clean my entire room and still have time to spare before my evening nap. I swear i would have walked around Moscow after class if it weren't for the bladdy rain. Oh how i wish it'd snow instead. Started watching episode after episode of Glee and it came to this particular episode where Kurt; a gay, flamboyant, fashionable, boy, gathered up the courage to admit to his father about his sexuality. At that point of the show i actually held my breath anticipating his father's reaction. A thought entered my mind as i wondered that when straight people watched that exact same part, would they have reacted that way, admiring what that boy did. Because i can never in a million years imagine myself coming out to my folks the way he did (which is a good thing i never had to do that since they pried it out of me) But the sense of relief, knowing you never have to hide from them anymore makes it all worth while.

Sunday morning breeze

Finally got my net back again after being cut off again for the 2nd time. I've grown accustom to living without the net that i now find myself sitting in front of the laptop unable to fully utilize what i've got. Maybe it'll take awhile to get the momentum back. All the more i hate browsing with this slow speed.

Being in 4th year, well it's just as everyone has said. There's not much stress to it. Most of the days i can just kick back and relax. Winter is almost non existent this year due to chemicals sprayed in the air as ordered by the mayor of Moscow. At first i thought that it wouldn't be right without the snow. but i came to realize that it's much less stressful. With the snow, everyone gets so agitated, with the snow blowing in your face and getting your hair messed up, having to wear multiple layers, and your shoes and jeans get wet as well. So i kinda like this year. Though it must mean, that snowboarding is out the question =/

I joined the futsal league this year. In the beginning i did it as a favour for my friends, but i came to enjoy the game occupying my saturday nights. Of course, playing against the newer teams is kinda amusing to watch since they all dive in for the ball at the same time, which kinda reminds me of koi fishes fighting for food. Oh, and i did go to watch Michael Jackson's This is It concert and damn, that movie almost teared me up. It would have been the concert of the century. Even during the rehearsals you could see him giving all he's got just to get it right. I've never felt so satisfied watching a movie.

Other than that i havent been doing anything new other than the usual going here, there and everywhere routine i have. I befriended a late twenties Bangladesh guy, with proved to have benefits. Since he's been here for almost 10 years, he knows practically everyone. Thing about Malaysians though, are most of them don't mix around very much with foreigners, especially the Malays and if someone elses does, then well, people talk. Few people have came up to me to give me warnings to be aware of him. But no one knows why. Ridiculouso. And i'm that type of person who rather flow in the opposite direction, so all the more i'd stand outside and talk to him.

Hmm, i Do miss the net after all. I miss the fact that i can sit in front of my laptop browsing until i forget that i'm hungry or that i need to piss urgently. Which is the case right now. Signing out..

~

resurrected

wow, it's been a long time. how do i begin, where do i start. perhaps we need only stroke the surface of my happenings for now and dig deeper in a separate post. Got my net today (finally). Not to seem over dramatic but i Do wonder how i managed to survive the past couple of weeks (or months) without the world wide web. Not so much as a glance of a Google page or a gossip from Facebook. Oh how i missed stalking people (we all do it, admitting it is the first step).

I sit here trying to recall the very last time i had connection on my laptop. I was preparing for a party when all of a sudden i was signed out from everything. Thinking that it wasn't going to last long, i shrugged it off. Only to find out later that the rector of our uni had cut off the wires of the internet company due to some breech of contract. Would have been nice if they would at least give us a little heads up. For us students here, it was like Armageddon. Chaos filled the hostel, especially during the first week. Most of the people i knew (not the sane ones) went door to door getting to know one another (what better time to do so, right).

Some, refusing to embrace the opportunity to mingle, went out the very next day to buy a personal wireless modem, making it a trend in the hostel (despite the fact that it's monthly payment was indeed costly). I for one, held myself back, awaiting a better offer. Then came this new company. Hired by the rector himself only because it belonged to a relative (hey, what are families for, right). We were all very excited. I was ecstatic, only to be disappointed when i found out this new company was so small they couldn't provide enough servers for everyone. So again i held back, and waited for a better offer.

Now a friend came to me and asked, "Do you think people are actually adapting to the fact that there's no net, or are they all just slowly dying". I can't speak for them i said, but i'm adapting to it. I find ways to keep myself busy. And there i was in the midst of singing my lines of "I will survive" that i realised, i was in denial.

Oh, Nooo... hahaha. So i went right out and registered the very next day.

So here i am. Overjoyed at the fact that i finally am back to civilization, updating on Everything. Though the connection does suck like hell, after starving for much too long, i'm devouring every last drop. No sleep tonight for mua. No siree.

away..

due to lack of internet access..

would leave it at that for the time being.

sucksss...

This Is It!

My one chance to see Michael perform.. even if it's not live, even if it's not really going to be a concert, but knowing that i'd be among other fans alike.. adoring him.. I know his presence would be there.. surrounding us..

Praying the ticket wouldn't be too costly, and there is availability..

Yummy :)

-----------------
I want to play.. >=(

-is sulking because i have to study for a pending exam. it's just not right, studying this hard at the beginning of the semester. No one is in the mood, and everything that i'm reading just doesn't make sense or refuses to enter. I feel hungry all the time, and i finally gave in and started cooking. Please, please be over so i can enjoy the days of what's suppose to be a relaxing year.

Summer hols.

My summer:

1) Went to ipoh to visit grandpa and grandma (at church).

We are forever reminded of her and her angelic ways. Still tearing from time to time. Sometimes the memories of her hits us when we least expect it and in the most unusual places and time. Once we were walking down Tesco's aisle when all of a sudden the song they were playing caught my attention. I perked up my ears to hear Mariah Carey's Bye bye in the background. I shook my head trying to pull myself away from unwanted thoughts, only to turn around and see my mum breaking down, right in the middle of the 'sauces' aisle. I quickly whipped out my phone and blasted a song to distract her, coaxing her like you do a child. The death of ahma has affected us so badly that the very mention of her name always keeps us silent for a while before remembering that she's in a better place now.

2) Did attachment at the hospital for 3 weeks

Though it was time consuming and for the most part cut my damn holidays to a mere 5 weeks, it did me some good. I gained more experience than i ever did doing anything else and i have no regrets. But, honestly in the medical field there are so many things to memorize that you don't really know what's meant to be remembered and applied later on. By doing practicals you're exposed to all these. Plus injecting people is fun! (sadistic part of me glowing).

3) Paaartaayyy

Starting meeting up with friends after practicals. Had a road trip to PD and Seremban with the gang. Never realised how much i missed beaches till my toes came in contact with sand. ooo made me feel like a kid again, waddling through and splashing each other with salt water. Even took a ride on the banana boat (eww does that sound wrong)











Drove back to M's house, already in drinking mood and screaming out the lyrics to 'I've got a feeling' at the top our lungs because her car radio busted. Main drink of the night, Vodka and Absinthe sponsored by yours truly ;) Drank ourselves silly and KO-ed at the break of dawn.



Oscar Wilde described drinking absinthe as such: "After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world."

Though i must say, i experienced none of which was said. After a bottle of vodka, we whacked half a bottle of absinthe, which to much disappointment did not get me hallucinating. Though it did get me good and drunk with the help of beer. The taste of it raw, of course is vile. So much that it made vodka taste like drops of heaven. Plus it burns the mouth and esophagus(what else could u expect from 70% of pure alcohol right)

4) Genting!

Went to genting to be a trainer for one of my cousin's motivational courses.



good pay too! though i initially agreed to do it for free but if people offer u money, take it by all means! it was an eye opening experience, for you get to evaluate yourself and at the same analyze others which is something i tend to do all the time. In the beginning i was skeptical about these sort of courses. I thought it a waste of the company's money but towards the end of it, i could see how it boosted their spirits and i know in the long time coming, they would still recall the lessons learnt and apply it (of course till they lose interest in everything again and another motivational course is needed). After the last day of the course, we said goodbye to the trainees and headed up to casinos! yeah baby. I'm finally right, ready and legal to enter the casino. Of course i want this to be done with the securities approval. In other words, i wanted to be stopped by the guards, to whip out my IC and shove in their faces. EEyyyeaAahhh. Entering the casino is no biggie to me, i've been in before with my speed and talent, but this time around i have nothing to hide. No laws to break and i wanted them to know. Unfortunately, no one gave a damn about me and i was just another China Ah pek ready to blow some money. Instead of stopping me, they stopped my elder sister and i'm all the more curious to know if i look older than her this year. so again, i walked out, and entered.. NOTHING.. WTH.. let's just gamble then. i won money anyway so, oh well.

ps: it's apparent that i look nothing like my sister, cos when we were doing our practicals at the hospital, no one knew we were related and i think the touching and hugging and the fact that i kept mentioning that we lived together just made them think we were lovers. -_-'' how uncanny..

5)Fooood

i think i packed and stacked on a good 8 to 9 pounds this time around. Of course in the beginning, i did alot of running ( i lurve running =p) and that slowed the process down but towards the end i was running out of time to do the other things that i love, so i forwent exercising. I was eating every second of the day, and it was bliss not knowing what hunger felt like. I even forgot the existence of the word (till i came back of course) During my last week, i was eating for two in a meal.

Dad: Alright, do you want bakuteh or yam rice for breakfast.
me: Yes.
Dad: *confused* *repeats question* Bakuteh or Yam rice?
me: Yes.
Dad: *stares at me for a very long time* Oohh you want both.
me: *smiles gleefully* yes please! I'm glad we speak the same language, dad.
Dad: I know you well, my fatty.
Me: -_- that was so uncalled for.

ooh and i forgot to mention Shangri La buffet.. Oo La La.. the food.. is to die for..










6) Dance

Me and ma were hired to choreograph and teach a bunch of people a dance for their company's annual dinner. The group consisted of a few girls and a guy ( mr chairman, in otherwords.. certified china ah pek ) Mum was in charge of the girls, and I the guy. Which i figured should be fairly simple. It's one guy. I thought of it as a simple task. Turns out.. I thought wrong. That man, does not only have no sense of rhythm, he is tone deaf and has no ear for music. How was i suppose to teach him to dance when he couldn't even recognize beats. Worse part is, thinking that he could dance i choreographed cooler/tougher steps for him to do. Which in the end needed to be altered. I did the best i could in which he could remember all his moves, but never doing a single one in timing with the music. I'm sorry uncle, that's all you're capable of =/ hehe

7) Reunions

Which of course are compulsory and one event that you cannot escape from. Of course, i never worry about these sort of things. But boy, do i hate those same old questions from the year before.. and every other year for that fact. Of course i know you're just trying to make conversation but sometimes i do get a little bored of repeating myself a few times a night. So i do, what i do when i get bored of your questions, i tell you horrifying stories of Russia and racism and their economy and enjoy watching you get shocked. XD

8) Myself

This summer, would be one i will cherish the most because of the time i managed to spend time with my family and my friends. I would categorize this under 'myself' because to know and to feel that i've lost certain people (physically and emotionally) that with the remaining ones that i have i still find joy in them and mainly myself. Anyway, in the long run, you learn to differentiate between the ones worth remembering and the ones who's names were just written in sand (easy to be erased by the wind and forgotten like it should be). Damn, which just reminded me of my stalker.

"......"

This year i did alot of self shopping and got alot more formal clothes. weee.. me is liking it. Bought myself ties and ooo i also picked up a new instrument. I decided to take another one up just to broaden my horizons. Of course knowing me i wanted the most uncommon and unlikely one. Which is easily obtained of course if not i would have chosen a harp or something. Anyway, I got me a harmonica! It's on an easy one to pick up as i had imagined. Of course i did research about it before getting one and i've managed to learn the basics but i didn't think it would be a much harder instrument to master as compared to the guitar. So far i've only been playing Annie's Song and Moon River continously as practice. Of course this is a step up from Mary had a little lamb. Lol.

Why is it people only appreciate the result of things. Not the process. C'mon people. Like Miley Cyrus said.. "ain't about how fast i get there.. ain't about what's waiting for the other side...it's the climbbb". My first few days of practicing the harmonica, was the toughest. Being shunned by your family is not an easy thing =( According to dad, what i'm doing is not music, it's noise =( When i first got my harmonica they made me sign a contract saying i would never play in their rooms. And only when it sounds good, they're harping on you to play them a song. Same thing goes when i was learning my guitar. tsk.. Humans..

Well i guess that's the gist of it or something in too much detail.(this is a very long post.. hmm ) I guess i have to end my boycotting of cooking food because i'm much too hungry and no matter how lazy i am, there is only so long that i can survive without proper food. Toodles then.
Cheerio~

Back to norm

Woke up today feeling as though i had never left this place. Had a good 14 hours sleep. Just what i needed. Music fills the empty spaces in my room and i feel so much at peace. Recalling the reasons why i love it over here. No obligations, nothing to hold me down, no responsibility towards others. Just myself and my freedom. doing the things i love without any regards to anyone.

gotta love this life.

Here i am.. again..

walking into my dingy, small small, pathetic excuse of a room, i can't help but be overwhelmed by sorrow and probably slight depression. i guess it'll take some getting used to. couldn't help but feel a bit lonely. haven't felt that way in a long time, and i guess being surrounded by my family these few months, their love have sort of built a cocoon around me and now i feel as thought that's withering away.

i hate it when my thoughts go back to u. it's like that song by air supply, Here i am. Playing with those memories again..

anyway i'm sure this will go away in time. just need a bit of getting used to. arrived ystdy at Domodedova, and reached back at the hostel at 7. My luggage bent my toe while i was carrying it in, and it's swelled up a bit. the night before the luggage caught my toe nail and lifted it up. it bled. ouch. then as i was weighing it, the handle broke. and when i went to Giant to pick up a new one, i slipped on the wet floor and almost twisted my ankle. I had to talk myself down for i was getting furious over the little things and i couldn't concentrate. u know it's one of those things, that once u get pissed off, somehow everything else that day would go wrong as well. deep breaths and counting numbers help. patience gets u a long way. T my depressed little brazilian friend has found a new girlfriend. happy for her, she seemed so down these past few months being in a new place and all. plus her ex was a bitch. i'm glad that she's with someone.

trauma class today was interesting. it's only my first class and already i'm finding difficulties. fyi, everything's in russian. yep. all my classes and lectures are conducted in russian. i want so much to learn and absorb everything that i can, but this whole language barrier thing is killing me. arghhh.. plus i tried copyin notes from the russian girl sittin in front of me, but i think she didnt quite like that cos she changed her angle so i couldnt see it. =/ or maybe i'm just thinking too much.

i hate the beginning of the semesters.. sitting down on my table calculating my finances. paying extra for tuition fees, hostel fees, internet, groceries, my damn washing machine has given up on us, my transportation.. calculating the rates, my savings for my trips, count and count and count.. blarghh..

my room's still in a mess. i haven't fully unpacked from ystdy. yet i find the time to blog.. hmm.. my toe's still swollen today.. i have to go change my usd to pay my fees soon. mum's not online.. i don't have any money to eat. ahh bank in money plss.. where are u.. i shall just shed all this gained pounds during this course of starvation.

i think i have to recollect my senses and be aware of the freedom that i have being here. it's just that i feel like i'm so far away from the people that i love.

(*pokes toe* .. hmm why la still swollen)

okay i'm being very random now so i suppose i should keep myself busy doing something.. i feel like sleeping.. unpack!! ahhhh

5th year in Moscow...

i'm back in moscow..

worse part about it.. is i have class tomorrow.

exhausted...

i hate these four walls.

argh.. bladdy room so small..

from a house full of people to sitting in a corner of a room no bigger than my bathroom, alone.

hvg withdrawal symptoms.. >.< !!

not the first, never the last.. till i step foot in hell..

6 more days. i woke up in the middle of night, eyes wide open staring in to nothing but darkness.

i grabbed my phone, and checked my calendar.

shitt.... a week left...

arghhhnyeahgahahhhhhh

back to hell.. back to hell...

holidays are wayyyyy tooo short this year..

Doh!.. *blinks twice and :D

upon logging in to my blog i feel as if i've reunited with an old friend. sorry for abandoning you for so long. what can i say. been busy. and everytime i come across something i think is worth writing about, i think of u, but then everything is forgotten again when something else comes along which is every other day. i never found the time to laze around, or to be bored. i'm either always out with my friends, walking about alone getting necessary items, or pigging out with my family. seeing as how i wont be coming home next summer, i'm making sure that i eat 2 years worth of pure, authentic malaysian food. no worrying about the pounds. that can easily be shed in moscow. no need to make salad or greens as the main course ( they wont even have grass during the 6 month of winter anyway). we'll just eat snow aite. (word of advice though, don't eat yellow snow.. hyuck hyuck).

Trying to recall what i've been doing the last couple of weeks. Can't seem to put everything in order. Time has been sitting on a rocket circling the earth over and over again. Seems like everything has been fast forwarded ( if they went in the other direction could we rewind time?)
So much has happened, i wish i could remember all of it now. Feel the need to jot down everything ( for my own sake). Been so absent minded and forgetful these few days it's amazing i managed to stay alive this long. My level of blurness has increased tremendously that most of the time, i'm not aware of what's going on around me. Which is amusing to my sisters, so i just humour them. Plus it's a great excuse to get away with work and to avoid conversations which i do not care for. and amazingly i've actually gained more patience (who knew that was possible) and tolerance for others.

( i should make slogans.. 'Blurness is the best way of life', 'Live Life Blur!', 'Remain blur, remain married', Take the Hell out of Healthy, Stay Blur!' *winks and flashes Colgate smile)

HAHAHA.. (self amused)

errr...

*realises that topic sudah lari*

errrr.. hmmm... ........ :D

looks like i wont be updating on past events as my head has already sunken so deep into the table it's becoming part of it (sleepy). I can't recollect everything anyway. oh but as of monday onwards, i would officially be 25% wisdomless. aaaaaaaaa..

:( help..

crossed off my list to dos... :D

ahh i have now fulfilled my dream (one of) by entering my secondary school in the middle of the night and pranced down the halls of my alma mater. unexplainable fantasy that i've always thought would never come true. and yet.. huhuhuh.

my accomplishments of course splashed over facebook has earned us titles of heroes, daredevils and 'jobless people'. envious beings.. tsk..muahahahaha.

*arms crossed behind head*

i, am contented.

^^

go, no go

it's raining. still deciding if i should go low yatt in this weather. as it is i'm unsure of the way there. i dont mind getting lost though as long as i know how to get back.

but then again bus rides alone are always so peaceful. what with the rain drops trickling down the window. the sheer thought of it makes my heart contented.

who could resist the opportunity of walking in the rain and the having the smell of it surround u.

pure bliss...

just like you

i wish i knew how to be insensitive and just forget everything.

insusceptible to your actions and words once said, that plays in my head over and over.

i want to lack imagination, so my mind can finally rest easy..

to be completely devoid of sentiment and rid this nostalgic feeling.

please.. be gone.. i dont want these traits.

a Monday morn without practicals.. and this is what i do..

a line of a song, and a vague tune held hands and went skipping across my mind today.

and as the back of my eyes followed them going across, watching them disappear somewhere at the back of my head, i am now stuck wondering what the hell that song was.

i know i'm going to be thinking about it the whole day, now..

dont u just hate it when that happens..

-_-'''


(recovering from feverflu)

i'm groggy mcsneezerson

realllllly reallllly blur and groggy the whole day. my brain is swimming in mucus once again. i've brought sneezing to a whole new level, continously sneezing from the morning right up to the evening. i'm not sure if i'm having sinusitis or it's just plain flu. either way, this thing is killing me. and after taking piriton, i now not only feel weak, i feel drowsy. funny, cos it has a weird effect on me, and i giggle unexpectedly every now and then ( in a zombified kind of way though). T from practicals did some palm reading today, and the way she could decipher it so specifically really raised my eye brows. of course i dont believe in it entirely, but it would be fun to see how much of it would come true.

okay, i'm weary. i need rest. i can't control swallowing (or i'm much too stoned) and i think drool is about to overpour.

weeeeee

i wish, i hope, i pray..

sometimes i wish people's promises are for real. most of the time i wish if you knew you couldn't see to the promise you wouldn't have made it. i wish people would just say what they were thinking of, or what they really meant instead of pretending to be nice. you make a mark of your impression but never filling it. i wish there were certain things in life, you never have to learn the hard way. i wish if we did, that there would be some happiness to counter the sad ones. i wish i could peep into the future just to see where it takes me, instead of being in the dark about it. i think life is a mystery enough, and at some point, i really wanna take hold of the reins instead of letting it go out of control. i wish i didnt have to sleep now but i do.

i hope tmr is not boring

i pray that i will one day get answers..

i wish, i hope, i pray..

You're a real charmer but you don't get swept along by the first person who shows an interest in you. You need time to be sure of your feelings and you don't get involved lightly. But when you wake up one day telling yourself you want and love a certain person, your life takes on a whole different meaning. You cover them with kisses and can come across as a bit possessive. No-one touches the one you love! As for your loyalty, it's exemplary. Out of all the people you have encountered throughout your life, you will want to be loved-up in the arms of a one of these kinds of people...and stay there. You two form a wonderful alliance together. From the moment your two meet, a calm climate, full of love and serenity, will be born. You will feel good in their company, you have more things in common than differences. Like you, they love children and family. Alongside them, you will feel like you're in a cocoon, without ever becoming bored. And you have one thing on your mind: building a happy, comfortable and solid nest with them!

i am tempted to punch in at the hospital, remove my labcoat and sit at the patients' waiting area and pretend i'm one of them. seems like there's less to do as the days go by. of course occasionally there are cases that would get us on our feet and huddled together, staring at that one patient or the pathology that they have. sometimes i feel we're quite insensitive, treating patients like objects and practicing our skills on them, but we do what we need to. guess it's just bad luck for those patients who come in for blood sampling or I.V. The rest of the procedures are pretty simple.

interesting cases for the week would include..

cellulitis..oooo

necrotic foot.though the one i saw was much worse than this..

an intravenous drug user, and a schizophrenic guy. Other wise it's all same old same old.

we've been punching out earlier and earlier each day due to boredom. which is good because i save up enough energy for evening exercises.

Another death in Malaysia from H1N1. Planning to take vaccination soon.

Yasmin Ahmad passed away 3 days ago. Her sudden death seemed like dejavu as i couldn't help associating her with Michael. A part of me was irritated though when Michael died, because suddenly everyone took an interest in him when in truth, they all criticized the way he look and lived. You can't take back what you said, or pretend it didn't happen and mourn for him the way you do, with what you've said in the past. somehow though, this year seems like a very bad year. with all these deaths and the flu pandemic, i foresee a dark cloud heading our way with the worst yet to come.. *background effect* OOooooo.. hahaha

Sucker

she said, stop thinking like a guy and read between the lines.

and i go.. "ohhhh"..

didn't know..

"i guess i was just naive, and i thought she was being honest"

she said, open your eyes, and see for yourself. what would make you think that way.

hmm..

woot

skipped practicals today. for a good cause. family time! mum was finally free, dad was off from work and kiddo had no classes. plus practicals were getting boring.

with the heavy rain these couple of days, there were less patients at the hospital. except for blood taking, there was nothing else to do at the hospital but sit and gossip while stuffing our faces with curry puffs at the canteen.

slept through the whole evening today. didn't realise how sleep deprived i was.

not exactly looking forward to another monotonous day again tomorrow. though there's always my trustworthy source of entertainment awaiting for me at the hosp.

Babies!

they always know how to put a smile on your face.

~coo coo~

i'm invisible...

back from trip.

have to continue practicals again tmr for the next two weeks. hoping there would be more different cases each day if not i'll be sitting around the benches again getting shooed from one place to another. the nurses can be a bitch. yea you're more senior than us for now, that doesnt give you the right to treat us with any less respect. when kicked out of their resting room, we asked permission to sit in the patient's waiting hall by the doctors which they then locked. we get stares from sitting in the canteen. where else are we to go. sit by the damn longkang? finally got pally with the indian guards, and they showed us a quiet little garden way back of the hospital where we could relax.

practicals can get a bit boring towards midday. by then most of us find ourselves patient-less, sleepy, and tired from standing up the whole morning. what a way to spend the summer holidays.

the trip was good. though i have to admit my mornings were usually off. i never wake up feeling myself and my thoughts are usually else where. silence and a smile gets me through those times, come afternoon i'm usually much better. didn't buy much this time around. was looking for more formal clothes but couldn't find any good ones.


did stumble upon this shirt though. found it hard to resist putting it up here.

don he look juz like me..

have to start jogging again. my hours for my morning jog has been taken over by attachments.. and by the time i come back, i'm usually too exhausted. still, there's that discontented feeling if i dont exercise. plus i think my arm muscles are getting muscular atrophy. i kept on lifting weights the past months that when i came back, most of my sleeves were tight.. and i thought my shirt shrank.. hmm.. could prolly fit into them now.

highlight of the trip: went into a shop, and after walking down 3 aisles i realised there was a girl following me. which was kinda freaky because she kept standing so close. i didn't bother looking at her, instead i rushed down each aisle hoping to get rid of her. when i found my sister, i whispered, "i don't know why that girl keeps on following me". my sis looks up and whispers back, "she's not a she". I turned around, and bladdee hell this muscular woman was smiling at me. Flattered, but no thanks.. She was pretty though. Kinda reminded me of Dil in The Crying Game.

right, have to get up early tmr. haven't the chance to sleep in till noon since i've been back from Moscow. and all i wanted was a good rest after my semester.

~darn

insane(3)

well i (out of insanity) tore up a 3 day project that was meant to be her grad present. fuck it. just when i thought it couldn't get worse. What's lower than rock bottom? My heart fell again. You know that feeling when you're free falling from gravity like on a roller coaster, speeding downwards. sometimes i feel i should just get the hint and back off. other times i feel i should just keep pushing myself. both playing a role in my indecisiveness. there's no easy way out. no advice anyone can give to aid me.

it takes two..

this one man fighting show is about to end.

i'm tired, i'm sleepy. from the long hours of practicals, the lack of sleep... from doing what ended up as a complete waste of time and becoming food for the damn dustbin.

do what you wanna do from now on. i think i'm about to give up.
-------------------
pray this trip does me good. need sleep.
c u monday, buddy.

Practicals

It's only been 2 days but i've learnt so much just by doing my practicals here in Malaysia. Been assigned to the O&G department this week. First things first, anyone would tell you, looking at bleeding, infected VaJayJay's all day, is not a pretty picture, nor is it my how i would ideally spend my day. Although i've yet to study about O&G, i picked the department hoping to get some experience since i wont be able to do my practicals here next summer. And though most of the time i dont understand any of the terms they're using, i'm taking the time to slowly pick it up and i guess it's good preparation for the next semester.

Today was slightly slow, but i did see more interesting things compared to yesterday.

The miracle of birth. Is hell of a disgusting. After seeing what i saw today, i promised myself that if i ever have a partner in labour, i swear that as a doctor, i'll make sure she gets the best of everything. Guess that's one of the privileges i can request for from a friend or a colleague. Because delivering of the child i saw today was done by a bunch of nurses, and the way they treated that woman was just sad. It was rough, with the pulling and the pushing and the poking and prodding. It's normal i know, but i would never let anyone i'm with go through that same thing. Digging into that women like they were going through a pocket. The baby that i saw just now, came out cynotic, which adding together with the fluids and blood, she looked like alien. Of course, after cleaning her up, all of us couldn't wait to just go googoogaagaa over her.

Also saw torn off flesh, from a man's palm. As in a chunk of meat, just hanging from a man's hand. Massive bleeding that filled up an entire tray. After washing the wound with sodium chloride, and injecting him with lidocain, they started suturing which was the best part. I was eager to try, but one of the seniors wanted to first, so i stepped back. Still have time anyway. Plus i could just practice on fruits or chickens first. ^^

I wonder sometimes how are we going to cope with the malaysian system, in the future, if we didnt get to experience it here and now. Alot of people don't realise it but this is quite a critical period of our course, that allows us to take the time to get accustom with the way things are done here. My juniors wouldn't be able to do their practicals in malaysia. and when we grad and start our housemenship, and we are in the blur about the system, who's to blame.

who's who..

sheepy, T, P

thx u..

headache.. stress...

with

fees...

blarggghhhhhhhhhhh

i hate money...

T_T

practicals start tmr.. dont know if i can concentrate tmr with all this lack of sleep.

after this practical shit, i plan to just dye my hair blond and die.. wont be able to do this next time.. so fuck it..

insanity strikes again...

=/

insane(2)

still a bit confused.. still a bit blur.

i accidentally used my sister's toothbrush just now.. didnt even realise it was the wrong one till midway. =/

went jogging in morning. had a good run in the rain. had managed to finish off editing and putting together song's for mum's training. took me a whole damn week to do that, cos mum keeps changing songs she wants and the time limit. yet to choreograph all of the moves. in the process of it. looking forward to teaching a bunch of old man dance grease lightning by myself too.

haven't had the time to take lessons for driving all these years. dad has suddenly decided that i should start now, when last year he was against it -_- tried driving around my area so far, and i must said i'm pretty good despite never having taken lessons. inexperienced yes, but i'm good babeh.. huhhu . watever

practicals starts next monday. planning to do it for 2 weeks at the most. then i'll be running away. holidays this time around is too short. too many things to do so little time. but i guess it's best to keep myself busy.

time to think of moves for my dance..

need to also reformat mum's laptop to use as my own. feel like it's just the worst year ever. hard to believe in anything anymore, what with the fire, with deaths, bad health, financial problems, studies, and youknowwhats, etc.. somehow it's taken alot out of me. i feel like i have lost the essence of life. and sometimes right when you need someone to talk to, they all turn a blind eye towards you and run away. there are so few you can trust, even fewer you can open up to.

fed up of history repeating itself. there's only so much you can take. so many people that can step on you before you finally say, no more.. no more..

but i'm a fool .. a damn fool.. so i can bet you this will happen again.

so naive..

insane..

the night sucked. i couldnt sleep at all. i tossed and turned and images ran through my mind. images of her. images of who she's with. images of them together and i would spasm. so hard that i would knock the wall or kick the post of my bed. it tortured me. mentally. and there was no end to it. those and the fact that i was trying to force myself to sleep. im crashed. im numb. and lost. i feel alone. more alone than i've ever been. i felt betrayed. i felt like the awkward one left standing in a crowd full of couples and i'm being jeered. what have i done wrong i wonder. how did i end up here yet again. this pain so unbearable i had nothing to compare it to. i moaned, and i cried, and i shouted in agony. but what was i to do. i felt like i was losing her all over again. reliving the pain of her breaking up with me again. how do i get myself into these things. building a wall around me i feel i must shield myself from the world. i dont think you would understand. i dont think you would know the feeling of being so broken when the person you've put all your love into reflects it back with a simple i dont love you. nothing that you say could soften the blow. no medicine you can apply to heal the wound. the one person who trusted the most in the world, to just shun you leaving no trail of even a scent. am i the only one who feels the connection when we speak. am i only imagining something that isn't really there. i can never comprehend how it is all so simple for you to act so nonchalant and speak to me like you once did but without acknowledging the fact we were once as one. promises like a bridge left to crumble, where it's remains fall into the river and just taken away with the stream. no one knew it existed. just the person standing on one side, watching the other from across walking away.

i felt as though you have loved me once. i see none of it now. it's begining to fade. did it really happen? is this smell that lingers still yours. is the warmth on my hand from your touch. are you the taste on my lips from when you last kissed me. i long for all the things you've done to me once. when you ruffled my hair. when we danced. when we fed each other. when we made love. when i made you laugh. you were mine then. and i've never felt more connected to anyone else. you made me dream. dream of a future. together you and i. and i thought i've never seen things more clearly. then you took away my sun. my world became bleak, dark, cynical. i'm afraid to love again. that is for a fact. i only ever wanted you.

do you think it's amazing that i think of you every single day. there was a never day you never crossed my mind as much as i try to push you out. i wish i could forget you. i wish i never met you. i wish i knew why we couldn't work out. i wish i knew why you stopped caring for me. i wish i knew the answers to everything thats making my brain go haywire that i can't seem to function. more than anything i wish i could stop loving you. already i feel like a loser enough, i now feel like the giant elephant that's standing in your way. in your life. trying to fit in among all your perfection. squeezing in just so i can take a glance at your smile.

questions run through my mind. the answers i fear i will never know. i can only try to be happy for you but would you try to understand what i'm going through. would you ever think to put yourself in my position or does it never enter your mind. you miss out on all the sorrow of the world when you're happy.

is it so stupid for a cynic to still have hope. seems so simple doesn't it. you know what you want. go for it. there's no harm in trying. i've nothing to lose. i still believe. i would still have hope and persevere till i run out of it. give me strength.

sigh~

everything's changed..

well it's already been 5 days since i've touched down from Moscow. so far it's been so hectic, i haven't the time to open this laptop of mine at all. of course, 90% of the things that were keeping me busy was food. coming home this time, everything seemed so different, so surreal that coming home, didnt really feel like i was.. u know.. coming Home.. or maybe it's the fact that im getting used to all this.

but rili, everything's changed. for starters, my house isn't the same. since the fire, they took the opportunity to change almost everything. the colors are diff, the tiles, the walls, the furniture, even my dog looks different. i needed a while to get used to it.

went to ipoh during the weekend. with ahma not being there, the house felt empty. stopped by the church to pay her a visit, and sis started crying uncontrollably even before we got down from the car. damn her and her water works got me goin as well. but we all do miss her.. we cried when we reminisce bout her adorable ways, we cried when we cleared her stuff.. i cried just looking at her picture hanging on the wall. i dont think this is something that i'll ever get over..

i know i'm just yapping away here. but everyone's asleep, and i have nothing else better to do.

spent the morning choreographing a dance for some big shot's annual dinner. spent the whole afternoon editing songs for mum. i have no idea how my time just passes by. almost a week since i've been back. already i have to start my practicals next monday. actually tonight would be the first night that i'll be sleeping alone. since i came home i've been sleeping with my parents and cramming in between my sisters. i dont know why, something about this house, makes me feel a bit lonely. it's like a reminder of something i've lost, or someone and i just didnt wanna be alone for the first few nights.

anyway i guess i better be headin off to bed. i know i dont talk much when i'm back in malaysia. if u have met my mother and sister, u would know why. so this is just my place to crap, verbal diarrhea or watever..

~taaa

Lord only knows how much i miss you.

I'm not sad..

but i miss you..

4..

more days...

it's almost 1am

i'm staring at my laptop screen, and i'm utterly bored outta my mind..

i know i'm suppose to be studying...

but suppose to.. is a very general term..

"i'm suppose to.. as in.. instead of"

i'm tired.. of looking at books, at pages, at words...

that's it.. i'm eloping to a place, an island, under the sea, or somewhere over the rainbow, or somewhere deep in the jungle where no one reads. and all they do is shake their coconut/seashell bras and their tail feathers/fins and sing in a chorus with surrounding animals. The only thing we would have to worry about is when a carnivor larger than us chases us.

It's times like this, that i wish i was Nobita.

Doraemon.. hellllppp

*digs pocket and pulls out*

pintu suka hati!

and nobita always goes ~ Waaaaaaa
(it's funny how i actually learnt most of my Malay from reading this comic)

RIP, Michael..

Where do i even begin.. What do i even say..

This man was my childhood, my idol.. The first album i knew of was his. I first danced to his music when i was only 4. Jumping around to Jam. I spent the first few years of my life learning how to do the moonwalk. I spent hours in front of the TV watching his movie Moonwalker over and over again copying his moves. I stood by him (not literally) when people turned against him calling him a child molester, or Wacko Jacko or whatever. I always believed he was innocent. I even had a scrapbook filled with pictures of him and any article i came across that was about him. Even till today i spend hours watching his videos, amazed at his talent. There will never be anyone else that would come close to comparison. He Was the King of Pop. And always will be. The music industry perhaps would not be the same today if it weren't for him. Artists such as Justin Timberlake or Wade Robson.. they all took moves from him. His influence is well noticable among them. In certain ways, i am happy that he's passed on, for it is my believe that he was no longer happy. He was terminally ill for so long, and having put up with the crap media throws at him, it's just not right. What more upon losing everything he has, and selling off his belongings.. He had a concert coming up in London. Perhaps he pushed himself too hard.


I cried when i saw the news online. I was devastated. I still am. I read news almost every other day about celebrities dying. And even when i was little i would wonder how the impact would be if MJ died. I prayed the day would never come. That day that my first idol would stop being among us. One of my dreams was to at least be at one of his concerts. In most of his movies they would show fans at his concerts, fainting, crying, screaming out for him and i would always think, damn.. they're so lucky. Now, i'll never get the chance.


The world is at a loss without you. He was a legend. He was true talent. He was.. Michael Jackson.. There will never be another..

Thank you for sharing your gift with the world..

You will live forever in us..

I love you, Michael.

6 more days..

Last exam...

last day here...

just one more, baby..

one moreeee..

let me study

arghhh y can't u let me study.. just let me be...

i know it might be an easy exam.. i still feel the need to study and go prepared.. or at least know something.. stop telling me to take it easy and just relax..

when i've lost my momentum to study and i'm so not in the zone.. u're putting me down on top of that.

patah semangat nk study..

grrrrrr

I am..

AND I LOVE IT..

Appearance is everything

Oh aren't we all just stereotypes..

We all judge, though most of us don't admit it but society has given us a fixed mental image of what's what. Whatever the case may be. You may be accepting in certain views but never in everything.

I'm not talking bout a touchy issue here btw..

It was just something that clicked in my head.. when i saw a mouse that day..

Beginning of this year, my blockmates decided to place their rubbish bin outside their room, in the corridor, right outside the toilet. Now everyone knows that our hostel is infested with rats that tunnel their way through walls, traveling along the pipes. I'm a late sleeper. Apparently so are the rats. Every night, i hear the damn rat rummaging through the dustbin, and everytime i open my door to shoo it away it runs out of sight. For so long, i've been so pissed with the damn rat, because it makes a damn mess, emptying the contents of our dustbin and actually lining it up in on the toilet floor to make its pick. No joke.

For the past few weeks, i've been studying with my doors open (for ventilation..i'm starting to hate my room >=/ ) and as i had my head burried in books, i saw this tiny brown thing from the corner of my eye, creeping towards the dustbin. Not a rat.. a mouse.. I swear when i saw it, the first thing i said was.. Awwww... (siao) The thing was.. this whole while i was mad at something that the rat did, because perhaps it was a Rat.. Funnily upon knowing that it was a mouse, i wasn't so pissed anymore. And i had no idea why...

Mouse= cute. Rat = plague

Go figure..

awwww cho cuteeeee.

2 more..

Two more exams before i can finally say what i've been wanting to say for the past few weeks.

Goodbye 3rd year...

I've never been so stressed crazy out of my mind.

Russian exam system is different. Here they have variants of question papers. You get a pick of teachers to do your oral exam with.

Luck, luck..

And it was just my luck, that the variant i had for my previous exam were the 2 damn topics that i had missed out on. There wasn't enough time to read everything. And i conveniently skipped those two topics, praying that i would get ones that i knew well. Ahhh.. On top of that, i got one of the most irritating teachers as my examiner.

She was torturing me for information that i just didn't know.

I did my best, trying to recall what was taught in class and lectures and interconnecting it with other subjects.. aaaaaaaaaaa... honestly, i thought i would have teared there and then. It was just too much, that feeling, being put up there one on one with that women. Trying to answer questions that i wasn't completely sure of.

The only good thing was, out of the 3 questions i had. I knew one of it extremely well. Information that was just at the tip of my fingers and scribbled out everything that i knew filling a whole page.

I got out with only a satisfactory mark. I could have asked for more questions to bump me up, but i was just too drained.

A pass is a pass i guess.. As what is a known fact here, marks don't really account for much.

Confucius say

Chinese that go without rice or noodle for a week will go mad.

@@

I is mad..

Need.. Food...

no more junk..

"...."

help..

X.x

What keeping in touch means to some people...

NOTHING



....

Drink your troubles away/Hate Rush-ia

Well i didnt get to do my Surgery exam on the 1st date, because as luck (in Russia) would have it, (yes, in Russia 80% of the things you do/get depends on luck) when i wanted to get permission to do my exam without getting my last credit, the dean decides to go back early. Ishh.. Had to rethink my whole plan. Another problem is trying to get the permission to sit for my pathology anatomy exam before i get my credit for that subject is somewhat difficult to explain to the dean. My exam is on tuesday. The only time i get to finish off my last test, and get my credit and rush to the dean to get my book chopped so i can sit for the exam is on Monday. And all this has to be done before 6. And my class is at 5. Fucken not possible. Hate rushing. (seems all i do here in russia is just rush around for things). And the bladdy dean can't even understand that all i need the permission for is just so when i sit for the exam without getting my book chopped, is so i can get the marks when i'm done (plus i HATE it when people interrupt me when i'm speaking. Fucken shut up!) Stupid Russian system. My head is spinning around and around trying to figure out what i should do and ways to get around this.

After a quite dissapointing day yesterday, of not being able to catch the dean on time, and thus have no permission to sit for my Surgery exam, i decided to drink. Yes, it's something that i've been wanting to do for sooo long, and seemed like the oppurtune time. One beer, lead to another, and before u know it, 8pm turned to 3 in the morning. And a beer, lead to five. All done while standing in front of the hostel door entrance, a bunch of high, wasted, frustrated medical students who did nothing but speak of studies while cursing the teachers. Yea, we're all gonna get liver cirrhosis. But we didnt care.. We needed the break, or we would have broken.

Been trying to get back into the momentum today, but i feel too damn lazy to start studying. And the only thing i feel like doing is watching cartoons (now watching ratatouille again). Salad fingers.... muahahahaha. Dark themed cartoons really makes me X)

~taa

Hail Queen Lambert..

I would just like to take time off my busy schedule to say...


Yeah, we knew all along you were gay, like how we know u're a fucken talented, mad assed screaming sex bomb..

(stop procrastinating!!)

Surgery exam up next... and God to honest truth i haven't started yet...

(panic attack!!)

*hyperventilates...*

>.<

One down, 4 more to go...

Muahaha

Russian Exam down..

Shit loads more...

But at least I never have to go for another Russian Lesson again...

Which is not much of a change really, seeing as how my 4th year classes onwards would all be conducted in Russian.

Blahhh..

Next exam up.. Internal Disease...

Die.....

Boy With a Coin

Mesmerizing...

My current favourite song and video clip..

I don't know which pulls me in the most. The haunting music, the beautiful twang of the guitar, Sam Beams soothing voice, the grace of the Spanish dancers with the tap of their shoes and their rhythmic claps and the swaying of those hips ( oh Lord, have mercy on me) or maybe it's just the perfect blend of everything just fitted together meant for your eyes to be fixed on the screen and your ears to be glued to the speakers (unless you're using earphones then u Should just superglue them to your ear canals)

Or maybe it's because I've only had 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night (studying) and i'm kinda stoned staring at everything.. I know i should take the time to get some shut eye now, but if i do, it'll be a waste of my night since it's my one night to rest before i have to bury my face in books again tomorrow.. So till then, i'm going to make the most of whatever few hours i have left..

Can't wait for exams to be over...

PS: Gotta love Spanish dances.. enthralling without a doubt..

Perversion is art..

The Erotic House of Peter Saville..

Makes me want go to a museum..

It's been so long since i've been to one here..

No Bedi wan to go with me....

side effects of QAF

Ugh...

5 Seasons in 2 weeks..

If it wasn't for the stupid rain, i would have gone out. Instead, I spent the whole of yesterday watching Queer as Folk. 12 hours to precise.. I dont know why i do things like this. My brain feels like mush, my eyes doesnt seem to be in my sockets anymore, and my head is pounding. My pupils can't seem to adjust to lighting.

It's like a bad case of hang over. Overdosed of drugs.. Intoxication from alcohol..

:(

I can't stare at the laptop screen for too long anymore or my brain will automatically reject it, causing reflex on neck muscles so i'd turn away. It's the same when you've spent the whole night drinking, and the sight of a beer bottle the next day would just make you wanna hurl.

Unless her picture is on the label that is.. Rrrr...
-------------------
To compensate yesterday's time wasting marathon, i shall study today. Scouts honor (^_^) Y

Passed my Surgery practical exam on Friday. I have to admit, i expected more from it, but i guess i shouldn't complain. Anyway more worrying coming up ahead with Path.Physiology, Path.Anatomy, Internal Disease, Surgery, and Pharmacology. Die, die, die, die, die.....
-------------------
American Idol!

What would my blog be if i didnt bitch about the finale! The results! The blunder of Americans! (gah, i hv to get my glasses, my eyes are killing me) *ahem.. What were U thinking!? Watching the finale, I was thinking, yeah this is grand. As Allen's mum said, I forgot that this was suppose to be the results (though i did forward through most of the performances). Adam as usual did a superb job. His consistency is never doubtful unlike a Mr. Allen. Seeing as how the announcement of the winner was truly anticlimatic, i would have to say the highlight of the whole damn show was oh-miss-bikini-girl's performance, joined in by Kara Dioguardi (and yes, she strips down to her bikini too :D and no, J. I do not like her just because she's pretty).

Life as we know it, is not over. Though Adam Lambert did not win the competition I suppose it's worse for Kris Allen that he did, seeing as how the internet is filled with blogs and articles saying that he did not deserve it. But when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, it's just another mindless entertainment program. In the mean time, we'll find something else to occupy our time with. That is until the next season comes about, and we'll start the whole cycle again.

^^

~Toodles~

As i sit here at 3 in the morning, just done with my studying, i pick up my new friend and play her. Trying my best not to sing so loud as to wake up my neighbours. It's all so melodramatic.
In my head, flashbacks of when i was in my teen years.. sitting in the living room at wee hours of the morning, playing Jim Brickman or Boyzone in the background. Occasionally whipping out my pencil and notebook to jot down poems that cross my mind.

How did i get here..

It's been 4 years here in Moscow..

Seems like it was just yesterday that i arrived, overwhelming emotions of being completely excited and scared shitless.

How time flies..

sighh

Exam season..

Been continuously watching Queer As Folk, when i should be studying..

Exam season next month... Shyte..
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Realised i havent been putting in the amount of hours needed for studying. And i mean for the whole semester. Slept for only 4 hours last friday studying for Surgery colloqium and that's when i realised i can't remember the last time i put in that much effort for studies. Didn't get to do the colloq anyway because teacher who has a bladdy PMS prob chased us out.

Gahhhh...
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Worrying, worrying..

But not doing anything...

Pray i get through this semester... I really don't want to be one of those people who push their exams to the next year.

Study!! Or i'm fucked..

Devuskha

Yes, Russia is where God planted all the seeds of beautiful girls.

Come Spring, they all blossom from unexpected places, bringing sheer joy to those who admire their ample bosoms.

Hear, hear..



But of course, you'd think to look carefully before checking out the junk in any women's trunk, seeing as how there are situations where the women, aren't actually women at all.




Hahaha..

*hums to 'Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder'*
Cheers~

boing boing boing... . . . .. . . .. . . ..

Skip, skip, skippeedeee doo daaa..

(retarded moment)
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I made fun of people/friends who were ill yesterday.. *remembers pointing and laughing at D's runny nose..

I woke up with a sore throat.. =(

Is falling sick............. >.<

Karma's a bitch..

(wonder if there's anyone out there named Karma..)

:D

Lesson learnt; don't jog without a jacket in the park when is cold out...

Grr....
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While taking a nap, i dreamt that my teeth fell out again.. my grandma always told me that it meant, i was going to fight with my friends or a loved one. We shall put that theory to the test for this week.

Oh, but i just fought with my friend days ago. Maybe my dream mail is slow. Hmmmmm..
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Q: How does Key laugh?

A: Keykeykey.. (kekeke)
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Dies of lameness...

*sighh

Hungry....

oh look, food...

..................

David Choi - Won't even start

The Affair?

I would not call this an affair.'The other' would be ecstatic to know i have you to keep me company while i'm in Moscow. It does get so lonely sometimes.. *cheeky grin. I love you both anyway. Perhaps you will meet one day.

But..

HHhmmmmm touching you... its that familiar feeling, of when i first held 'the other'. The feel of my hands placed gently around your neck. The cradle of my arm around your body. Running my fingers lightly touching you. That sound you make..

Mmmmmm..

And your smell.... Makes me just wanna close my eyes and imagine us on a vast field of nothing else but flowers and grass.

I lay you down to rest on my bed, and i stare at you with admiration and awe. You shine, in my eyes. And i promise that i will never, ever let anything happen to you. I will always keep you safe in my arms.. People might not see you the way i see you.. They may say you're not worth it, but it's okay. Cos you're mine. And you make me happy, and that's all that matters.



I haven't named you yet. But we'll come up with something cool okay? :)

Indulgence

1) in Michael Buble.. in music.. and all that jazz...

Don't you think music just gives you that emotionally liberating feeling.. Makes me just wanna close my eyes and sway.And when i mean sway, i mean literally floating around the room, ballroom motion and all sliding here and there (for those who don't know me, I love dancing. None in particular, just allowing the music to move me in any way it chooses). The fact that i have the whole room to myself (a most fortunate situation for now) enables me to do whatever i please, whenever. I scream songs in the morning, work out in front of my full length mirror in the evenings, and I dance the night away.. :)

2) in books... ahhh i love the smell of your pages..

I think i've already gone through 2 books this month. Approximately 5 since the beginning of this year. Which is probably incomparable to most avid readers but I like to enjoy the context of each word. I have a habit of rereading certain sentences or phrases again and again just because it brings out a certain sort of rarity..of feelings and wonders of all sorts. The fact that i love most about reading a book is how i manage to just jump into the pages ( a Mary Poppin effect) and be in a whole different world. Just a voyuer in a land of unknown fiction.

I would go on and on, but seeing as how it's already 3.06am (it says there.. draft autosaved at 3.06AM) my eyes have sent signals to my brains, and i think pyschologically i'm being tricked into thinking i'm sleepy, hence the yawning. Will continue(in another post)/edit this post another time (or leave it the way it is.. i'm such a lazy person.. arghh)

Well, I shall head off to bed with my palms and fingers gripping my current book.. and read em' till i fall asleep..

Gnite world..

Pat.Anat , OPX

Skipped pathology anatomy class today. Indirectly. Or not.. Hmm.. how shall i correctly phrase this.. I purposely forgot to set the alarm. Left it up to faith. Told myself if i could wake up in time for class without the help of anything other than my biological clock then it was meant to be. Hehe.

Nyea, don't judge me. The class doesnt do much for me anyway. It's all mainly self studying and seeing slides through the microscopes, which the other group takes pictures of.

*cackling sounds from the radio being tuned*

Weather news report.. A bright yellow light from the center of the sky seems to be emitting heat waves and UV rays causing Moscovites to shade their extra layers. It's funny how just last week it was still gloomy and snowing, and now there's not a dark corner to be found. Went jogging on Sunday. Felt so good to finally sweat. I was beginning to wonder if my apocrine glands were malfunctioning.

Anyway since I skipped Pat.Anat class, I took the liberty of translating my OPX book (pronounced Oo-Peh-Kha, Russian abbreviation for Operative Surgery). This is the first subject (besides Russian class of course) that requires us learning in Russian. I tell you, I don't understand a damn thing. What's worse than that is, my teacher is more of the yappy theoratical kind instead of the show and tell kind. He just sits there, making finger motions around his other fingers and we all just stare at him @@, pretending to be listening intently, nodding (mainly off to sleep) and giving him a "DA" everyonce a while. It's pure torture.. Every class i atempt to give him my full span attention and soak in every ounce of knowledge but i usually fail after 10 minutes.. Self study.. No other option..

It is in this very class that i learnt to sleep with my eyes open.

X)

Well, headed off to class now.. Wish me luck..

Cheers~

Random Pics Around Moscow

At VDKNH..

Cruise along the Moscow river